Bewilderment

Bewilderment, that is an appropriate description of my feelings today.

Joselin is now 17 years old on paper, she is actually now 18.

However, she is not home to celebrate her birthday. I never thought that she would walk out the way she did. Apparently it was her plan for years, I find that so hard to believe. Was I so naive? How could I not know?

I knew that she struggled with her losses. I knew that she was just so unwilling to move forward with her life. I did everything I could to help her heal. However, in the end the person that needed to actually do it was not willing. You can't force a person to accept, to forgive, to grow.

I hope that some of the things that she said were not true. I hope that she does want a family. I hope that she keeps herself safe. I hope that if she really needs help she will call me.


I love her. Why does love have to hurt?