Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Minneapolis

I have been having a great time in Minneapolis. My main reason for coming was to meet with another adoptive mom, Heather, who I have been chatting with online for over a decade. I accomplished that!

Yesterday we went to lunch and then to her mothers house where we had lemonade and cookies. I was able to meet her daughter and leave some rocks.


My first time eating yak dumplings, they were pretty good.


I spent my evenings with my husband. It was nice spending time with him. Typically our date nights consist of going to Walmart.

We are not used to northern tea. Adding sugar to cold tea is not the same as brewing it with it. We like out sweet tea.


We visited the Mall of America. Interesting place and I can't imagine how expensive that place would be for us to take our kids.


Today I had a 3 1\2 hour lunch with Heather. It was so nice being able to sit down and talk with another mom who understands the challenges that we deal with. Much better to sit down and talk than typing messages!

We are packed up and tomorrow bright and early we will return to the land of sweet tea. As much as I have enjoyed our little trip, I look forward to getting home. I miss my kids!

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Travels and Life

I asked those two to pose for a picture. Haha, this is what I got. It is a part of their dance routine. They are going to dance camp next week.


Over the weekend we fed the kids some San Jose and loaded them up on groceries because my husband and I were flying away and Sarah is in charge! Little Miss Miss left on Monday.





We flew over a wave of clouds yesterday to to great north



My husband was going on a training trip and I said I wanted to go and meet a friend that I have known for over 10 years but hadn't actually met yet! Met her in an adoption support group.

I had such a fiasco getting my car rental. We picked up my husbands when we left the airport but planned on getting mine later and taking it back Wednesday evening so I have it just for two days. Getting to the rental place is a pain, down two floors, on a tram and then up two floors. I get there and realize that I left my drivers license in the room. I had my military ID. Ugh, called my sweet husband and he had to run back over with the license. I had to go down tow floors, on the tram and up two floors to meet with him where he dropped me off. Then go back again.


I get to our hotel and sit for 5 minutes trying to figure out how to turn the car off! It was running when they gave it to me. I didn't realize that it didn't have a key and I am so short that I couldn't see the on/off button. Who makes a car to start with a button? I am not a fan, I prefer keys. Guess that means that I am old.


Today I get to meet my friend! I am excited.

Say a prayer for Sarah and Joselin!


Rock Party


I hosted a rock painting party in my home over the weekend. I shared how I paint my koi fish ponds. We had lots of fun!

The top painting and these two are mine, I am playing with different ideas. Others are painted by friends, I didn't get pictures of all of them! Thinking about doing a video of koi painting, right now they are my favorite. Anyone else painting rocks?








Everyone brought a snack. Haha, we thought she brought rocks, nope rock fudge. It was delicious.




Move

We asked for our little miss to be moved. After 8 months I don't feel that we are the right placement for her. Her attachment issues have not improved at all and I feel that she would be better served in a smaller family. It would be great if she was an only child and I recommended that when we asked that she be moved. However, I would be surprised if they did that. We did her allergy testing, eye exam which she has follow up with, and did her IEP the end of May. I feel that we are sending her with all the basics covered. I pray that the home she goes to understands attachment issues and doesn't find it cute that she wants to sit on everyones lap.

When we went to the beach we had already asked for her to be moved but they hadn't found placement yet. We already had respite set up with our go to person (we swap respites and trust each other). I wasn't going to tell little miss until the last minute and then when the foster mom showed up a little early I went in and told little miss that she was going with this lady for a few days and then would come back home. She said ok, got up and grabbed her by the hand and out they went. She sent me a picture after they got to her house of little miss grinning. She was calling her mom and the neighbor guy dad.

Attachment disorder is so complex. Everyone things that little miss is so affectionate. True, she will go and sit on anyones lap and love on them. ANYONE. When we tried to stop her from doing this she screamed and cried and folks would look at us like we were so mean. The mean looks go with the territory because everyone else sees a sweet, nice child. When you try to talk about true life you are not believed.

The things she does: watches with true vigilance Benjamin to see what he is playing with and try and grab it when he isn't looking, go to anyone and everyone, touch and rub strangers to the point where they actually feel uncomfortable, perfect report of behavior in church class, flat our refuse to use the potty but gladly smear poop everywhere when she realizes it bothers you, destroys things that she realizes are important to you (destroyed Emma's horses and her horse painting, phone chargers, plus many other toys), even with her speaking issued lied to try and get people in trouble (I saw Sarah pick her up and move her to a chair because she kept hitting the baby, she cried to me that Sarah hit her! She did not, even if I wasn't there Sarah wouldn't hit anyone), pushed the baby down the stairs to get his toy, kicked and hit the baby if we weren't diligent in watching her, tried to go against anything that we would tell her to do or not do and screamed  when she was prevented from doing it.  Many things sound like normal 3 year old things but it is the intensity, the non-stop and so uncomfortable feelings. This last weekend we had friends over with a baby. Little miss wanted the toy he had and his mom coaxed it from him to give her. She took it, looked at her and promptly threw it on the floor with this look I can't describe. It is relentless and very tiring.

My friend asked me if I had lost patience and if that was why I was having her moved. I told her that wasn't it. I just know my limits. When we got Anthony and Larissa we didn't have multiple children with many different diagnosis. I was able to concentrate on them, give them what they needed. I would say that Anthony was harder than Little Miss because he had so much anger and worse delays. Larissa had not been held but thankfully came to us so young. We put everything into healing them and now we deal with what was given to them by their parents, fae, shaken baby effects, and such. Then with Emma and Michelle we are still working on that. I can see where we have come. I can see that we have more to go. We can not take older kids because of their behaviors. Honestly since we have Little Man right now all we can take is little ones 3 months and younger. We have a balance in our home and as much as we would love to help the older kids it is just not possible at this time.

When the foster mom was walking out with Little Miss Benjamin followed. She asked him if he was upset that she was leaving and did he want to keep her. He said a very strong NO! She works hard to make his life miserable and he knows it. He did say that he wanted to keep Little Man. In the end, I couldn't allow her to make his life miserable. I couldn't give her what she needed. I pray that they moved her to a home where they can.


The Beach Trip

We took a short trip to the beach. We didn't take everyone and I can't even begin to explain how heartbreaking that is for me because I love sharing experiences with all my kids. What a difference it made. Driving there was smooth, no bickering, no one annoying anyone. It was nice. We left at noon which was little mans nap time, good choice because he hates to sit in a car seat and does not fall asleep in one unless it is nap time.

We rented a three bedroom condo and invited Sarah's roommate from last year.



Little man is a no go for sand. We stood him in it and he literally froze. He wouldn't move. I sat him in it and he tried to pick his feet up out of it. Finally I sat him in a chair and then took him to the water. He did like the water.




I love the relationship that these two have. They squabble at times like siblings will do but overall they have a loving relationship. They took turns sharing a board and attaching it to each other. There was another one in the room but they didn't want to go up and get it. It is nice to watch a healthy sibling relationship.



The resort had a big curvy slide that the kids loved.






He wants me to put a similar slide into our pool.



We went to the Ripley's Aquarium. I didn't realize that they offered military a 50% discount. I hadn't been to the aquarium before, it was actually very nice.





The kids were fascinated by the sawfish.


and got to touch some jellyfish.




I may try to paint this fish one day.


They had an area about Pearl Harbor. It was actually a great educational experience.






It was a nice trip. Time for the kids to play and enjoy each other without conflict. All the kids got along great. I enjoyed the lack of conflict! 

Joselin stayed home with the girls and our foster girl went to a respite home. More on her in the next post. I am behind and need to catch up. I have a little free time so may do that today.

Monday, June 11, 2018

Trying

Benjamin was invited to a birthday party at the local skating place. I decided to let him do his party and take the other kids and pay for them to skate. I try for normalcy. I just want to be able to take the kids out and have fun. Somedays I take all the kids regardless of behaviors. Some kids actually miss out on stuff because of other kids behaviors too often.

However, as some of you know, a fun activity is often followed by negative behaviors. I know it happens, I simply don't understand it.

However, all the kids did enjoy skating. 

I can see that I need to get Benjamin a pair of skates so he can practice at home.






Who else has this backlash of negative behaviors following a fun event?

Anyone feel that other kids in the home miss out because some kids can't manage their behaviors?