Tuesday, October 29, 2019

The Phone

It is a cracked and broken phone but it works fine.

It was given to Emma by a boy at school so he could talk to her.

She didn’t tell me about it, her siblings did when it fell out of her backpack.

Soon she will have a clear backpack because it concerns me when a boy gives a girl a phone so they can contact them. With Joselin there was sneaking out at night because of contact with a phone I didn’t know about.

I returned the phone to the school. They are investigating.

Might be innocent or might not. We had a family talk about sex trafficking, girls meeting boys and actually meeting men and disappearing, girls doing favors for their “boyfriends” who have groomed them, how a boy if he respects you won’t sneak you phones, won’t ask you to sneak out, if you respect yourself you won’t sneak out. A lot of discussion brought about because of a single phone.

I have now had this happen with two daughters. Anyone have this issue! Anyone want to move to a deserted island? It begins and I am not ready.


OK, so when you take  placement from another foster home you would hope that they would tell you any big issues. I am not worried about small issues but big issues are kind of important. Why would they not tell us?

Our foster son was placed with anger issues, they told me about them. We are used to dealing with that so we accepted the foster placement. After placement we were told it was an adoptive placement. Then we get his sister out of a group home and she tells all. Most concerning is that he heard voices telling him to kill his foster mom. Ohhh, news to me. Oh, and they have schizophrenia in the family. I ask the social worker. She says she put the hearing of voices into the request for a move, didn't they tell me that? Uh, no. Honestly I would have said no, which I am sure is why they kept that bit out. Then I tell her about the mental illness. She didn't know but checked into it. It is true.

The child hasn't been hearing voices but does see people. Most recently he saw someone at the bus stop.

Now, I know schizophrenia doesn't typically show until teens, early adult. Medications help. I also read that a big issue is if they stop taking the medications. There is no way of knowing if he will develop schizophrenia. He may not. He may. I will be a lot older when they happens, like mid-60's if that happens.

I know that with kids there is no guarantee. You may have a healthy kid one day and a sick or injured one the next day. They are still your kid, you still take care of them, for life if needed. However, I will be honest and say that this scares me. If adoptions had called me and given me all of the information I would have said no to the placement. Now I have a kid who does well in our family but there is a part of me who is scared to make that commitment. His anger issues have gone away and he works hard at school. He is typically annoying for a boy his age which is in the normal range. Still, I am concerned.

Anyone with experience with schizophrenia? Anyone have issues with DSS not disclosing everything?

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Update to Ugh

We have been decluttering and painting, bought new furniture and started on new flooring.

Social worker walks in and sits in a chair, doesn't go through any rooms. Says she misunderstood. Though we were on a clean up plan. I asked from who. She said she didn't know. Huh? Apparently we weren't.

Oh! Ok. Since then my house has gone back to chaos but with less clutter and some painted walls and flooring project partially done. We are doing the flooring on a cash and carry basis so taking a break as I worry about Christmas. I don't know what to do for Christmas, just feels like more clutter.

Pictures of stuff I have been doing.

Thursday, October 24, 2019

The Wild Ride

Fostering can be such a wild ride. After you do it awhile it can feel quite natural and other times it can be the toughest thing you have ever done. Sometimes you do the right thing and sometimes you find yourself doing the wrong thing. Sometimes it is complicated by DSS, especially when they don't disclose everything.

Last week we had a placement, this week she is gone. I hate to have kids moved but if DSS could be honest with me then maybe kids wouldn't get moved around so much. I know, they need to find a home for the kids so sometimes don't tell everything, maybe the kid won't have that particular behavior in the new home. We said yes to our last boy in spite of the fact that they told us he had an anger issue. However, they didn't tell me that he had heard voices telling him to get a knife in the last home. Uh, yes I probably would have said no. Yet, here he is, still in our home and fit right in. Actually, we don't even see the anger issue beyond normal 9 year old stuff.

So they called about a girl, told me why she was moving and I talked to my husband and we said yes. This was in the afternoon. Didn't say when they were moving her. I thought on it and felt that we weren't getting the whole story so I tried calling them to say no but they were closed. I left messages and texted folks. The next day at noon she shows up with a transportation person. Shows up without a foster parent agreement form. I was told that her worker was out on family emergency and that her supervisor was out for a week. Still, I have to have the agreement to do anything with the child.

I knew right away that it was not a good choice. She comes up to me calling me mom and hugging on me. She is 10, this is not a good thing. Within two days she is teamed up with Emma. This is not a good thing. This made Emma feel that she could defy every rule in the house.

Then she goes to school and gets a gang of girls to bully on our foster son, the one who is doing so well, we are his 5th placement. They were all calling him retard and on her final day here they started the anti-retard club. Within 3 days she acquired a pack of followers! We also found out she had lice her last day here and shared with Emma. I hadn't thought to check since she was coming from another foster home.

The same transportation lady came to pick her up. I don't like to have kids moved but the chaos she brought to our lives and the bullying were too much for our family. I never got to talk with the social worker, never got to talk with the supervisor. However, I was given the impression that this was her first move in foster care and the reasons they gave me sounded doable. Ha, the transportation worker said a few things that made me realize that she had been moved often.

All the kids were excited when she left, well, except for Emma. Makes me leery to accept any other kids.

Friday, October 11, 2019

Give me a Sign

Life here has been crazy and I haven't been keeping up. If you want a shortened photo version of our life I do post to Instagram often!

We have been doing a lot of home projects as well as receiving new foster kids.

So much is going on that I don't even know where to begin! So, is there anything specific that anyone wants me to write about? Anyone still reading my poor neglected blog? Give me a sign that you are out there!

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Larissa is 14

Larissa turned 14. It is hard to believe how fast she is growing up and up! She is over 5'9" and towers over me. She is a delight to be around and has a very loving heart. She has good relationships with most of her siblings.

She is currently taking karate, keyboard and singing lessons, has two agents in Atlanta and volunteers at church. We continue to homeschool.

We are still struggling with her seizures. We are currently struggling to find a good neurologist. Her doctor wanted to send her to one in Charlotte but they wouldn't accept our Tricare insurance. Then she tried one in Florence and Tricare did approve it but they lost their pediatric neurologist. So we went to the office where the neurologist went and he had retired.I am trying to see if her medicaid would be accepted out of state to go to Charlotte. MUSC is an option but they are 2 1/2 hours away and they really did nothing for us last time. Yes, we are frustrated. Yes, she still has nightly seizures. And I am getting off subject, Larissa had a great birthday!

Can you tell what she is currently into?

She was delighted with her gifts although there weren't many and they didn't cost much, they were specifically bought with her in mind.

Saturday, September 14, 2019

Emma is 13

We celebrated Emma turning 13. It is hard to believe that she is already 13, the time really does fly. She is in the 6th grade so she is beginning middle school here and has three years and then she will be in high school!

Now this is where is gets hard, I read all the birthday posts and they are all overflowing with how much a child has grown and all sorts of positive things and that is hard for me.

The positive, she loves the dogs. She will get up early in the morning and let them out and feed them. She has a very strong attraction to them. She also loves all things horse. She says that she is going to have a horse farm when she grows up.

Her hair is starting to grow a bit and looks healthier. She would prefer to eat a diet of junk food and bread and I have simply started buying a lot less and she no longer has my moms stash to go to, this is forcing her to eat more food that is prepared for her. She even noted that her hair looks better.

Her lying has decreased. Partially because I work hard to not ask her questions which she can lie to. I think she is learning better ways than lying to get around things. She is also great at playing with Benjamin so that she can use him.

She was happy with her gifts, all things horse, candy and money.

We are still working on things. Relationships are not as hostile right now although she can show quite a bit of disrespect to Sarah and is quite mouthy. It hasn't really worked for her so I am not sure why she doesn't change that behavior. She is very immature for her age, she is more at a 9 or 10 year old stage emotionally and academics are a challenge for her. She has lost all free computer time because of grades and hasn't yet decided that extra work will be beneficial.

So overall things are improving. I wonder if we have a little chance of more growth because although she is now a teenager, emotionally she is much younger. Anyone else with that experience?

So....Happy 13th Birthday to Emma! May you have a great year.