Thursday, June 10, 2010

My Walk with Jesus

I was baptised in 2002. It doesn't seem too long ago and some days I feel that I am left with more questions then answers. It was a long journey to get to that point.

Growing up my family did not attend church. My parents did not introduce any type of religion into our home. Oh, I watched to movies and such, that was the extent of my knowledge.

My first introduction into religion was at the age of 20. It was not a positive experience either. My parents had divorced after my mom caught my dad cheating on her. He wanted to marry that same woman and apparently to get married in her church dad had to get his first marriage annulled.

I thought that was odd, 19 years of marriage erased for the church. I didn't care what the annulment said, they were married for 19 years and had three children. What did that make us three children? Well, in the end we became nonexistent to our dad.

I couldn't understand how it was OK to do whatever you pleased and then get an annulment on paper and everything became just fine. They got married in her church and all I saw was hypocrisy.

So for years I wasn't open to becoming a Christian. I thought that most of them were hypocrites. Do what you want and then ask for forgiveness and all is OK. Many Christians I knew were very judgemental and definitely not good Christian examples.

At one point John and I decided to go back to school and finish our degrees. We attended Wayland Baptist University in San Antonio and then Hawaii after the army moved us. We were required to take Old and New Testament classes. It really opened our eyes. John wasn't raised going to church either. We were two newbies but eager to learn.

In 2002 we were attending a church in Michigan and were Baptised. In many ways it was the beginning of a new journey for us. We have stumbled and crawled to get where we are today. We don't always do things correctly, it is hard when you had no example when you were growing up. We try to introduce Christianity into our home and fail miserably at times.

I still struggle with some of my old thoughts as we have tried to find a church home. We struggled to find a church in this town before and met with rejection. In one church no one would talk to us. We attended that church for a year thinking that we had to somehow break into a clique or something. We left after a year and it was not even noticed. The next church was fine until we received black foster children. At that point we felt the rejection and we ended up leaving that church as well.

In San Antonio we found a great church where we felt welcomed. Sarah loved the youth group. I enjoyed the women's group and for the first time felt that I had examples to learn from and women I could talk to. It felt sad to leave that behind.

Now we are looking for a church again and I truly hope we can find a home.

I know that we are not accepted in many circles. I don't wear make-up or care about my hair style. If I could get away with a high and tight haircut I'd be delighted. My preference for clothing is t-shirts and jeans, although I do dress up for church.

We have too many children for some folks comfort and we have them in every ethnicity. Just about every one of our kids has some type of challenge and I have learned a lot of new terminology along the way.

We live on a very nice street where we feel that we don't belong. Yes, even my older kids have said we don't belong here, we are too strange. We are just not normal. My china cabinet has a few china pieces along with the Polish and Texan pottery. It fits us perfectly.

But see, in spite of our oddness I pray that a church would offer us some acceptance. I find that for many congregations it is just too much for them to do. It saddens me that they don't take the time to realize that inside we are very caring people just trying to find a church for worship, fellowship and growth. We need some good Christian examples to follow. Sometimes we feel like children in this walk and could use guidance.

However, I also know that it is my walk with Jesus and I can't allow those that don't accept me to lead me off of my walk. They are a distraction. Those are the very same people who stopped me from even opening a Bible in the first place. See, I am a sinful person. I fail in many areas of my life but each day I get up with the promise of a new day and new opportunities to succeed and grow. Forgiveness is a huge thing and I try to practice it in my life as well.

A small note on doing good works. I feel that you don't need to do them to be saved. However, I also feel that if you are a Christian then you should feel led to do good works. That is why I foster. I feel so strongly about foster care that my husband has been drug in with me, sometimes kicking and screaming. I love my husband dearly, he walks this walk with me.

1 comment:

  1. Man I could go on and on about bad church experiences. My husband and I were not raised in Christian homes either...but have found a family of people that is full of young, old, rich, homeless, black, white, hispanic, and every other variance you could imagine. It's a wonderful thing on Sunday morning to know that THIS is what heaven will be like! I pray that you and your family find the same thing...acceptance, love, diversity, but most importantly a church that embodies who Christ is, and who He has called us to be!