Attachment part 2

We received Lewisa Carlosa at the age of 4 months as a foster child. We were told that she would definitely be going home because the parents only had to get jobs and housing. Short term.....definitely short term.
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Her head cocked to the side and her right arm was always straight down with her hand in a fist. Later it was assumed that this was due to a stroke at some point before coming to our home.
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I remember the first time I picked her up and she had no neck control at all. I thought it was strange considering her age. She also had a sucking problem and would only drink an ounce or two at a time. More importantly she would arch her back when you tried to hold her and would look away from you when you gave her a bottle.

There was actually a period when I suspected that she had autism. She would not look up when anyone entered the room, even when they called her name. We had her hearing checked. She had early interventions come into the house twice a week, OT and PT.

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At some point the attachment issue came to the forefront and I told all the kids to hold her, often. I didn't go for just the mom attachment, I went for the entire family. Most of the time she even slept on someone.

You know, a funny thing happens when working hard on attachment....it goes both ways. All the kids have a great attachment with Larissa.

You can see their love for her when they look at her. She is every ones baby.....and oh so spoiled for it.

Trying to build attachment is hard work. It does not come overnight. It is especially hard with foster children. You can assume that at any point they will be returned to their family where they didn't form the attachments in the first place. It can be heart breaking to have them leave.

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Larissa's attachment issues were compounded by a genetic predisposition to an anxiety disorder. Three years of visitation did not help the situation at all. Her mom did get a job but never did get housing in all that time, but she did come to visitation every other week.

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I still remember the days when I would take her up there and they had to peel her screaming off of me. I tried to make it easier for her by sitting in the waiting room with the biomom before visits hoping that she would transfer easier. It wasn't always successful.

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Larissa never did learn to wave bye bye or hello. She never said a single word in front of her bioparents...not one utterance. At home she was talking on schedule and happy. Out of the home she was full of anxiety. While still our foster child she was diagnosed with selective mutism. I often wonder if her anxiety would have gotten that bad if visitations would have ended after 15 months (how long the bioparents are supposed to have to work their plan). I do not believe that it is in the best interest of the children to have these cases drag out for years. It is too damaging, foster children need stabilization.

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After more then two years the biomother was offered housing. We were terrified, we thought for sure that the kids would go home. However, for reasons unknown to us she turned the housing down. It was at that point that we finally began to hope that Lewisa would become our daughter. About 8 months later the courts finally got TPR on the bioparents.

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Our little Lewisa Carlosa became our Larissa Ann. She is firmly attached to us. However, she still struggles with her anxiety issues. It improves slowly as time passes. We have hope that eventually she will just be a happy child with a little shyness.

Can you do it? Can you help a child to learn to love and attach and then let them go? It makes a huge difference in the child's life.
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I know that with our current foster children the baby has learned attachment but not Kiwi. I don't think that we have time with her, her attachment issues are too severe. We believe that they will go home next Friday.
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Anthony is next, he is middle of the road.