We asked for our little miss to be moved. After 8 months I don't feel that we are the right placement for her. Her attachment issues have not improved at all and I feel that she would be better served in a smaller family. It would be great if she was an only child and I recommended that when we asked that she be moved. However, I would be surprised if they did that. We did her allergy testing, eye exam which she has follow up with, and did her IEP the end of May. I feel that we are sending her with all the basics covered. I pray that the home she goes to understands attachment issues and doesn't find it cute that she wants to sit on everyones lap.
When we went to the beach we had already asked for her to be moved but they hadn't found placement yet. We already had respite set up with our go to person (we swap respites and trust each other). I wasn't going to tell little miss until the last minute and then when the foster mom showed up a little early I went in and told little miss that she was going with this lady for a few days and then would come back home. She said ok, got up and grabbed her by the hand and out they went. She sent me a picture after they got to her house of little miss grinning. She was calling her mom and the neighbor guy dad.
Attachment disorder is so complex. Everyone things that little miss is so affectionate. True, she will go and sit on anyones lap and love on them. ANYONE. When we tried to stop her from doing this she screamed and cried and folks would look at us like we were so mean. The mean looks go with the territory because everyone else sees a sweet, nice child. When you try to talk about true life you are not believed.
The things she does: watches with true vigilance Benjamin to see what he is playing with and try and grab it when he isn't looking, go to anyone and everyone, touch and rub strangers to the point where they actually feel uncomfortable, perfect report of behavior in church class, flat our refuse to use the potty but gladly smear poop everywhere when she realizes it bothers you, destroys things that she realizes are important to you (destroyed Emma's horses and her horse painting, phone chargers, plus many other toys), even with her speaking issued lied to try and get people in trouble (I saw Sarah pick her up and move her to a chair because she kept hitting the baby, she cried to me that Sarah hit her! She did not, even if I wasn't there Sarah wouldn't hit anyone), pushed the baby down the stairs to get his toy, kicked and hit the baby if we weren't diligent in watching her, tried to go against anything that we would tell her to do or not do and screamed when she was prevented from doing it. Many things sound like normal 3 year old things but it is the intensity, the non-stop and so uncomfortable feelings. This last weekend we had friends over with a baby. Little miss wanted the toy he had and his mom coaxed it from him to give her. She took it, looked at her and promptly threw it on the floor with this look I can't describe. It is relentless and very tiring.
My friend asked me if I had lost patience and if that was why I was having her moved. I told her that wasn't it. I just know my limits. When we got Anthony and Larissa we didn't have multiple children with many different diagnosis. I was able to concentrate on them, give them what they needed. I would say that Anthony was harder than Little Miss because he had so much anger and worse delays. Larissa had not been held but thankfully came to us so young. We put everything into healing them and now we deal with what was given to them by their parents, fae, shaken baby effects, and such. Then with Emma and Michelle we are still working on that. I can see where we have come. I can see that we have more to go. We can not take older kids because of their behaviors. Honestly since we have Little Man right now all we can take is little ones 3 months and younger. We have a balance in our home and as much as we would love to help the older kids it is just not possible at this time.
When the foster mom was walking out with Little Miss Benjamin followed. She asked him if he was upset that she was leaving and did he want to keep her. He said a very strong NO! She works hard to make his life miserable and he knows it. He did say that he wanted to keep Little Man. In the end, I couldn't allow her to make his life miserable. I couldn't give her what she needed. I pray that they moved her to a home where they can.
When I asked for my (then) 20 month old to be moved to another home because it was not working out with him and my (then) 23 month old, I told them it would be best if he went to a home with no other kids or at least no others close in age. They not only moved him to a home with a 36 month old, but also told the family he was FOUR years old! The family had no clue until he showed up on their doorstep.
ReplyDeleteThat is how these kids end up with so many moves. A little honesty would help. I didn't realize the severity of her attachment disorder or I would have known up front we couldn't do it. DSS didn't know at that point either. However, they know now and hopefully they made the right move for her.
Delete