Friday, January 6, 2012


Conversation of the morning:

Dimples playing with her DS: I love my DS, when I go to a different home can I take it with me?
Me: Uh, you aren't going to a different home.
Dimples: Not today, but when I go to a different home.
Me: You aren't going to a different home forever.
Dimples: Huh? (Like that is a totally weird concept)

You can tell a child over and over that they are not going anywhere. Chances are they have been told that by another adult.  I know that my new kids were told that in their last placement.  That home was their forever home, their adoption placement.  Dimples has been told that she isn't moving from our home many times, even after a huge tantrum.  She still doesn't believe us.

Dimples last big tantrum was when she lost her DS for a day because of not following the DS rules.  She lost it today for the same reason.  Her reaction today:  OK, do I get it back tomorrow.  Upon hearing yes she went off her merry way. I guess she now trusts me to give it back the next day and realizes that it isn't gone forever.  She has lost a lot of things forever.

Every time a child moves they lose something. 
Favorite toys get left behind. 
Kids that they thought of as siblings get left behind. 
Routines that they were familiar with get left behind.
Moms and dads get left behind.
Most everything that is familiar to them is left behind.

Even though we tell the girls that they aren't going anywhere, I have a little twinge of doubt.  Until we have TPR that is not a guarantee.  I know that there is still a chance that they may move but if they do it won't be because of us.  It would be because of the system.  The system states that they do what they need for the best interest of the child.  We have found that is not necessarily true.  To allow children to live in limbo for 3 years is crazy.  It should not take that long for the courts to determine whether the parents can parent or not.  Three years, seriously is a long time to a young child.  A long time living with instability. Too long with too many losses.


  1. Best interest of the child--according to who? We had two of our foster children separately go back to place that we weren't comfortable with--one to a great grandmother and one to his mom, who dumped him with an aunt and took off a couple months later!!

  2. I am so glad that there are people like you who can do hard things like you are doing. You are truly making a difference in the world. ~ Angela

  3. This post cuts right through ones heart. I wish anyone who hinders a child finding a permanent place in a family could read this. Prayers that this child does not have to move again...

  4. So sad. My little boy died suspiciously in foster care aged two. I tried everything to get him back after he was stolen, and nothing I did made a difference. I promised him in his coffin I would do something about what they did to him, and to fix the system. It is three years next week. His name was Luke, and I started Luke's Army, which now has thousands of members, including foster carers angry at the system. Please come and say hi sometime, Michael.