Thursday, November 3, 2011

Let Me Address This

"WOW! You can care less if these children are back with their parents! How cruel and unjust!!! As a former foster child I must tell you that what comes around goes around!"

The previous was a comment left for me.  I have changed my comments so that I can moderate the comments.  You can still post as anonymous but I will moderate so that not everyone has to read foul language.  Difference of opinions are allowed as long as they are respectful.

The foster care system is not perfect but I feel that it is necessary.  When you pick up a child from the burn clinic with an iron imprint on his face or deal with a child who has been so neglected that he appears to have an intellectual disability even though he doesn't then you will understand the need for child protective services. 

If you have read my blog long enough you would know that I do encourage reunification.  I try to help the parents whenever I can and even do extra visits at my own time and expense to help with attachments.  I still have contact with some previous parents and still encourage them in their parenting when they ask me for help.  I even maintain some contact with the parents of the children I have adopted......even to visiting the one who lives in the park (who by the way thanks me for taking care of his children).

I do believe that if there is any way possible, that being raised by your biological parents is best.  If not them then a family member is good too.  That biological/genetic contact is so important.  That is why I keep contact with my kids siblings (no family member has ever come forward).

HOWEVER, if the parent is not able to take care of their child then I do believe that termination of parental rights is in the best interest of the child.  Ultimately my interest is in the child.  The child is the victim in the entire situation.  They have no control.  I also think that worse then getting TPR for the child is not having an adoptive family afterwards.  I can't imagine not having any family at all.  Everyone needs a family whether a child or adult.  Everyone needs a home to come to on the holidays.

We are the 7th home for our children.  Imagine their anger and terror.  They are afraid of leaving us.  They are afraid that we will send them away like all their last homes.  They want permanence.  They want a family.

Yes, knowing what I know, I do not want them to go home.  As a foster parent I really have no control over that decision.  I can only take care of the children and pray that the system does what is right for the children.  I don't know what their parents want since they didn't go to court....or visit for months.

I want for my children to heal and that really won't happen until they have permanence and stability and know that they are in their forever home.

Cruel and unjust....for who?


  1. I can take a big guess who left that comment as they occasionally leave nasty comments on my blog too (because apparently all foster parents and all foster homes are the DEVIL incarnate!) and of course commentors like such rarely know all the intricate details and complexities of each individual case anyhow.

    How dare you be so "cruel" and "unjust" to provide a nurturing home for two (more) children in need, Felicia! And be willing to take them into your home on a permanent basis- if it comes to that- especially after after they've already been through six previous homes who weren't able to meet their needs! I do agree with one thing your commentor said: "What goes around comes around."

    Maybe said commentor's attitude would be different if she had been placed in your home as a foster child rather than the foster home/homes she was in. Sounds like there are some unfortunate and unresolved issues at play behind such assumptive and accusatory comments.

  2. It's sad that someone would judge you in total ignorance. The fact that they've been in care and the parents have done nothing toward reunification tells me the parents really don't want them back. I was a foster parent. I helped with the goal setting for the parents and with each goal, the parents were told exactly how to reach it whether it was weekly counseling and AA meetings or moving out from a dangerous boyfriend and getting an apartment alone and a job to keep the child safe. No guess work.

    Foster care isn't ideal but at least the child can have a family who welcomes him/her and wants the best. Foster parents also go through hours of training and can get extra training at the yearly convention to handle specific problems.

    Children in foster care or who are adopted get clothing, food and nurturing that was often lacking the birth family. They can feel safe. They often experience so many things lacking before--trips to the zoo, gymnastics, sports teams etc.

    And the children can also see how a family functions so they can break the cycle of dysfunction, abuse and neglect.

    Nuff said.

  3. Felicia,
    I think you are awesome! Keep up the good work. You are blessing the lives of so many. You are one of my heroes!!!

  4. Thanks for the support. Sometimes I need to remind myself that not all foster children land in safe, nurturing foster homes. Many children are indeed hurt by the system. That is why I try to educate potential foster parents, so that they are prepared and can provide the types of homes that these children need. No child coming from an abused or neglected environment comes out unscathed.


  5. Don't worry about the comments. These are women whose children have been removed and they are angry.

    But my question (and future post) is "What are you willing to do to get your kids back?" If you don't want to quit partying and be responsible, then you obviously don't want to really be a mother...