This morning I am at a low. I am struggling. I am tired of the defiance. I don't want to deal with children who defy me at every opportunity. I am tired of being a jailer.
First Dimples was banned from playing outside without direct supervision. Next Lily was banned from the same do to very inappropriate behaviors. I guess they didn't realize that we actually do watch them when they are outside.
Then the spitting.....yuck.
The "no" to my face.
The total disregard for anything I say.
If you tell them to do something, they do the opposite. If you tell them to not do something, they will find a way to do it.
Their bedrooms are barren. This bothers me because I love to fill kids rooms.
John has offered to give his office up so that Lily can be moved downstairs. I hate to do this! She uses the distance for defiance.
Yes, they tell me over and over that they love me. Many times a day. Do I think that they love me? No. I know that they are saying it to keep me attached, they are not attached to me. It is a manipulation.
How do you attach and love a child who is so difficult? How do you help with the lack of attachment?
Yes, today I am struggling.
Hang in there. You'll get back to a more normal routine tomorrow. Although I hate to think what the Christmas holidays will bring. You'll probably have to have a set schedule. K. has been acting all weekend like she can't clean up her pee mess. At least now everything is in the bathroom. But she's sleeping on a bare mattress. THat is her choice. The bedding has to be washed before it can go back on the bed. She doesn't care. She can sleep on the mattress and think "poor me" thoughts. She is supposed to be writing "I will speak politely at all times" and won't write it. Acts like she can't even though I wrote it on the top of the paper. And I've told her if she wouldn't say something with me in the room then she knows it's wrong to say it when I'm not in the room. Augh. We will survive. But you're in the beginning testing stage. I'm almost two years into it and they can predict what will happen and what privilege they will lose for certain things because I've tried to keep very consistent. But me being gone with the girls Sat-Tues resulted in them displaying some very poor behavior and choices. Which is exactly why they didn't get to go in the first place!
ReplyDeleteHi Felica I read your blog all the time, I dont allways comment. But I couldnt help think of the best book the adoption support worker here gave me when we were placed with our girls it is called "Attaching in Adoption" by Deborah D Gray. It trully is AWESOME. Please read it - you have sooo many skills, and have such a great way, Deborah's book will touch you and speak to your heart it is very well written. One of the best things she does is give you the phases of attachment - a timeline if you will when and how attachment forms. She starts with a "regular" schedule of healthy birth children, and gives you the abillity to find out what phase your adopted children are in. Plus she focus ALOT on older child adotion from foster care, after neglect and trauma. And that is just one part of the book...it trully is the best book I have read regarding adoption...and I have read alot! lol Love what you do Felica, and Love your family! We have only started...haha we have 26 month old Twin girls, adopted at 16 months from fostercare. The best thing EVER! Loves from Canada and Hope you are having a great day. Amanda rizzy@telus.net
ReplyDeleteAmanda, I do not have that book in my personal library so I did order it. Thank you for the suggestion. My classes this semester end next week so I will have some time ot read. I have a stack of books from Kathy to read as well.
ReplyDeleteFelicia
Do you need an idea to curb that spitting? If you read back when small boys came home, we had a spitter. I stress- HAD. Email if you want to know what helped us :) gjmlogue @ yahoo com
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