Visitation

Today was visitation.

Dad came, mom was a no-show once again.

After visitation the girls got in the car and proceeded to tell me that they are going to go home with their dad!  Imagine my surprise.  Apparently he told them that he was doing the paperwork and was working on getting them home.

What do I tell them?  How do I explain that it is not a matter of just filling out some paperwork.  That he refuses to do the drug testing.  That he refused to do drug testing today. 

Michelle discussed this over and over all afternoon.  I finally told her that her dad had to do more then fill out paperwork to get them back.  I also told her that he has been working on this for almost 3 years. 

Then more questions followed.

Then the realization that it has been almost three years and seven different homes. 

Then the shadowing.  All evening she was my shadow; following me around, hugging and kissing on me.  Telling me that this was the best house she has ever lived in. I could tell that she was unsettled. 

Once again she is unsure of her place, of her permanency.

I wrote an email to both the therapist and social worker about what happened today.  I have asked, begged, them to stop the visitations if there is no way that the girls will go home.

How can the girls heal when they are constantly torn in different directions?  When the adults in their lives don't do what is in their best interest?

The therapist round about suggested getting our own lawyer to file for TPR.  With John only earning a training stipend right now the money is not there for a lawyer but I would love to do just that.  Waiting for DSS to file is frustrating.

I am heartbroken for the girls tonight.