Some days I really struggle. I struggle with forgiveness. When my 6 year old child tells me that she doesn't want to live with her biological parents and then proceeds to tell me exactly why, yes, I struggle to forgive.
When I sit up late at night with a crying teenager as she reads some messages from her other family, when she tells me more of her story, when I realize more of the betrayal she has endured...I struggle to forgive.
When we received the baby with an iron imprint on his face, a 6 week old baby, I struggled to forgive. Then I struggled to understand. When that baby went home I couldn't understand. How is a parenting class going to help? You shouldn't need a parenting class to know not to put an iron on your baby's face.
I struggle to understand some of the things that parents do to their children. I am not a perfect parent by any means but I do my best to protect my children. My children can trust me to do my best for them. I may fall short sometimes but I bounce back.
I really try to understand where a parent is coming from. I try to understand that they may have come from an abusive upbringing themselves. They may be dealing with an addiction. They just may need support.
Tonight I am struggling with both the forgiveness and the understanding.
Sometimes it is really hard to be an adoptive/foster parent. To see first hand the things that I wasn't aware of before. Oh, I would read the news articles, but there is so much more out there that is never in the news. So many hurting children. So much pain.