Friday, May 4, 2012

I Struggle

Some days I really struggle.  I struggle with forgiveness.  When my 6 year old child tells me that she doesn't want to live with her biological parents and then proceeds to tell me exactly why, yes, I struggle to forgive.

When I sit up late at night with a crying teenager as she reads some messages from her other family, when she tells me more of her story, when I realize more of the betrayal she has endured...I struggle to forgive. 

When we received the baby with an iron imprint on his face, a 6 week old baby, I struggled to forgive.  Then I struggled to understand.  When that baby went home I couldn't understand.  How is a parenting class going to help?  You shouldn't need a parenting class to know not to put an iron on your baby's face.

I struggle to understand some of the things that parents do to their children.  I am not a perfect parent by any means but I do my best to protect my children.  My children can trust me to do my best for them.  I may fall short sometimes but I bounce back.

I really try to understand where a parent is coming from.  I try to understand that they may have come from an abusive upbringing themselves.  They may be dealing with an addiction.  They just may need support.

Tonight I am struggling with both the forgiveness and the understanding. 

Sometimes it is really hard to be an adoptive/foster parent.  To see first hand the things that I wasn't aware of before.  Oh, I would read the news articles, but there is so much more out there that is never in the news.  So many hurting children.  So much pain.


  1. Wow, the tidbit about the baby who had the iron print made me cry. As someone who had to do IVF to even have one child, I cannot imagine ever doing something to harm an innocent child. I just don't get it. Thank god for people like you who are able to give these children love that they obviously need so desperately.

  2. oh friend. i'm sorry. there are so many question i have for the big guy when i get to heaven, assuming i make it. ha ha. praying for you friend!

  3. Picking a child up from the burn clinic is a very phycial reminder of why we do what we do. However, I have had kids that were hurt just as badly on the inside. They were in pain but it doesn't show. Makes me wonder how many kids are out there walkinjg about in pain.