I Struggle

Some days I really struggle.  I struggle with forgiveness.  When my 6 year old child tells me that she doesn't want to live with her biological parents and then proceeds to tell me exactly why, yes, I struggle to forgive.

When I sit up late at night with a crying teenager as she reads some messages from her other family, when she tells me more of her story, when I realize more of the betrayal she has endured...I struggle to forgive. 

When we received the baby with an iron imprint on his face, a 6 week old baby, I struggled to forgive.  Then I struggled to understand.  When that baby went home I couldn't understand.  How is a parenting class going to help?  You shouldn't need a parenting class to know not to put an iron on your baby's face.

I struggle to understand some of the things that parents do to their children.  I am not a perfect parent by any means but I do my best to protect my children.  My children can trust me to do my best for them.  I may fall short sometimes but I bounce back.

I really try to understand where a parent is coming from.  I try to understand that they may have come from an abusive upbringing themselves.  They may be dealing with an addiction.  They just may need support.

Tonight I am struggling with both the forgiveness and the understanding. 

Sometimes it is really hard to be an adoptive/foster parent.  To see first hand the things that I wasn't aware of before.  Oh, I would read the news articles, but there is so much more out there that is never in the news.  So many hurting children.  So much pain.