Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Christmas Break

I took my last final and have a few weeks of free time until next semester.  Part of me feels that I need to take time off but another needs to finish.  I am afraid that if I pause then I may never finish.

I have gotten even meaner in the last few days.  The girls now have door alarms and they work great....as long as they are set.  The time for going into Larissa's bedroom was between 3 and 5 am so I was allowing the door to be cracked while they fell asleep.  Dimples has a huge fit when her door is closed.  Well, that little bit was taken away when I got called upstairs the other night by a teen who found Dimples in Larissa's bed and Lily running out.  Dimples had gone past me studying and went upstairs.  She blamed Larissa but it was a lost cause since Larissa was sound asleep.  Apparently Larissa dragged her up the stairs.  So, new rule is door shut and alarmed at bedtime, period. It seems like every little bit of kindness gets thrown in my face.

The next day Lily knew that she was in trouble.  She was doing all the little peace keeping things....love notes and such. Dimples....nothing.  She shows no remorse for anything she does.  She doesn't understand consequences.

Today I went in search of an appointment with a therapist.  I talked to their adoption worker and explained the lack of remorse, lies, clingy and then pushing away behaviors.  I told her we are dealing with serious attachment issues with this one.  She has someone who deals with attachment issues and I decided to go there even though it is going to be a hike for me.  We gave up on the first therapist and have an appointment with another one who knows attachment issues.  Next week I will be driving through an area called malfunction junction right at high traffic time.  I can't hardly wait!

I am also reading a book that was suggested to me called Attaching in Adoption.  So far it is similar to the things I have read previously, but I haven gotten too far into it yet.  The thing is, it is easy to read these things and another to apply them when the child(ren) are acting out right in your face.  Especially if you are tired and frustrated.  I am not a saint, I have gotten mad. 

My main concern is to protect my other kids in the home.  For specific reasons Lily is not allowed outside with Anthony and Dimples is not allowed outside without an adult.  Lily and Dimples are not allowed to go upstairs to play with Larissa.  Dimples has 3 year old privileges at home.  I don't let her out of my sight.  It gets exhausting.

Not every day and every moment is frustrating.  Today was a good day.  No tantrums, no major testing, no big fights among kids, even minimum tattling.  I think that the big difference is that Dimples is now in daycare.  I had to do it even though I feel like it hampers attachment.  I couldn't finish my semester without it.  Also, Dimples waited all day for her siblings to get home and then she totally smothered them as soon as they walked in the door.  They wanted rest and she wanted stimulation.  It was driving everyone crazy.  Now I pick Dimples up after the kids have finished their homework (another problem area) and when she gets home that are all on the same energy level. 

Next year Dimples will be in kindergarten so that will work out well.  She missed the cut off date by 8 days.  Larissa missed it by 17 days.  Next year the kids will be in K, 1, 2 and 3rd grades, then there is the high schooler.  We tried to fill that gap and didn't have much success. 

I hope to take full advantage of my break. Santa has some project plans and needs to get to work before the kids are out of school.  I shall be busy, but a fun busy.  I need to work with my teen on cookie baking too.  Yep, lots to do and little time to do them in.  What a blessing.

(Anyone have some good cookie recipes I should teach my teen?)

1 comment:

  1. I was going to keep my twins home and hibernate for a few weeks for bonding when they got home, but they were used to 135 other kids around and it was driving me crazy. Kayla would go into wailing and mourning when the kids left in the morning and then I'd have to entertain them all day. So I got them into free VPK even though it was February. It was free and only a mile away. They went from 8-11 and I brought them home to feed them rather than leave them like many parents because food=bonding :)That three hours was a sanity saver. I put them down for nap after lunch and it was time for Jasmine to be home an hour after they got up.