The above note is from Joselin's journal. OK really it was Larissa's and was found in Joselin's stuff with Joselin's little notes inside of it.
All day I have thought about how I was going to blog about our challenges of the last few days. Should I sugar coat things and just give some hints of what is going on or should I be brutally honest. The events of today made me decide to be brutally honest.
Honestly....sometimes adoption sucks. Sometimes in spite of all your good intentions, all your efforts, all of your prayers........there isn't a happy ending. Am I at the end of this adoption story? I am not sure, but it sure feels like it.
Bottom line...I kicked Joselin out of our home. She left on Monday. The end was near on Friday. Sarah and I were planning on going to see The Help. Larissa heard us and realized that Sarah would not be home. She assumed that Joselin would be babysitting her alone (we have not allowed this since she came back). Larissa grew panicked and scared. She was in tears! When I told her that Joselin was not going to babysit her she was relieved. The fear on her face will be forever etched in my mind.
That same night Joselin decided to lie about something and she tried to drag the foster teen into it. Our teen wasn't willing to lie for her so her entire story came crashing around her. Being herself Joselin immediately tried her manipulations and tried turning everything around on everyone else. I told her that it was really time for her to leave.
Sarah got panicked because she fears Joselin. She asked for better door locks on her bedroom doors until Joselin left. Sarah really thought that Joselin would try to kill her. By Monday things had deteriorated so much I told Joselin that she had to leave NOW.
She left with a girl from our church. The girl really wanted to help. She thought that things would blow over in a few days. Joselin immediately started texting me trying to get me to second guess my decision. She is good, I did second guess it. Kicking her out was the hardest thing that I have ever done. I am used to welcoming kids into my home, not sending them away in such a way. However, that look of fear on Larissa's face made me determined to stick with my decision.
Joselin told me that she couldn't believe that I would kick her out because of one lie. I told her that it wasn't the one lie...or the 1000th lie she told. It wasn't because of the things she stole from us. It wasn't because of her promiscuity. It wasn't because of her STD's....or her manipulations....or, or, or. It was because she is an adult and my minor children are in fear of her. I must protect my children.
Today was a very hard day. More revelations from Larissa and conflicts. Some of it is still in progress and we are looking at our options.
I will continue tomorrow.
It is tough. I still play the "if only" or "what if" games with myself.
ReplyDelete"It was because she is an adult and my minor children are in fear of her. I must protect my children."
ReplyDeleteThat's really the bottom line. The reason you can't second guess yourself. I am so sorry.