Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Taking Care of Mom

I never thought that I would be the position to have to take care of my mom. I never wanted to think that I would have to make decisions for her. However, here I am having to make gut wrenching decisions. Almost two years ago our family travelled to Texas to take mom home with us. She had a stroke years before and just wasn't able to take care of herself. Being responsible for your mom is a huge responsibility. I managed her meds, doctor appointments and overall well being.

Last year she had another stroke. We were concerned that she wouldn't be able to come home, however after two months of rehab she was able to function well enough to do so. She had some issues with falling and actually fell one day and broke her shoulder. I started to question if home was the safest place for her. I was terrified that she would break a hip one day. I felt that I was responsible for her and couldn't stand that she could get hurt on my watch.

Last summer we moved to Texas where my two brothers live. We found a place to rent and were hoping that the house in SC would sell soon. However, by January we were tired of making two housing payments and decided that we would return to South Carolina in the summer. Mom planned on going with us.

In January mom had another stroke. I assumed that after some good rehab she would improve, she had done it before. I was shocked when the rehab facility called after 20 days and said that they were taking her off of rehab....she wasn't making any progress. I was terrified. She can't transition from the wheelchair to the bed, can't walk, has some dementia, still struggling with irratic high blood pressure and is incontinent. As much as I would love to, I can't take care of her in the home. I have told her that I can't take care of her in the home. I have stairs, my home is not set up for wheelchairs, I just know my limits of what I am capable of doing.

So, she is in a nursing home with Medicaid. I really like the nursing home but know that I can't keep her there since I am moving. Medicare is set up as a state program so I can't just transfer her to SC. So, my brother is looking for a place near him here in Texas.

I feel so bad, I feel so guilty because I know that I can't meet her needs. She wants to go to SC with us, she wants me to take her home. Every time she says this it breaks my heart. On some level I feel like I am abandoning my mom.

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