Rejection

Many times I am asked why we have adopted. Sometimes it is hard to explain the desire to add to your family through adoption.  I love being a mom.  I love that I have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom.  I feel that there is such a need.

Recently I talked with a social worker about the future of our licensing.  I told her that hopefully this adoption will go through and then we will no longer be licensed.  She said that we would be back in 6 years, Anthony will be 18 then.   First I had to get over the shock that Anthony will be 18 in 6 years and then I said that we would be too old.  She said that they needed families like ours and we won't be too old.  You see, there is a need.  There is a need for families who are not looking to get something out of fostering.  Families who are willing to give to a child.

But, there is more.  There is something that has driven me. This last Sunday at church I sat there and realized why I work so hard to not reject my kids.  Even when my kids have been the most challenging, I tell them I am their mom, I refuse to reject them.

This is my facebook post that explains my feelings on Monday....

Genesis 50:20 on my mind today.

It is about this time of year that I think about my father. It is also the time of year when 22 years ago I tried to commit suicide.

Growing up I thought that I had a good relationship with my father. As an adult I realized that wasn't true unless I was doing what he wanted. My decision to drop out of school to regroup led to day and night calls about my worthlessness. Once I followed my own path he attacked me, rejected me. I was at a low point and figured that he must be right. I attempted suicide. Obviously I wasn't too good at it since I am here today.

To escape the calls I joined the Army Reserves. Funny, my husband and I were both in the same reserve center in Bryan, TX where we met.

Later I went back to college, Wayland Baptist University. It was through that experience that I first learned about God. John and I both became Christians. Later we became foster/adoptive parents.

Our adoption journeys have not always been easy. When Emma came and was screaming for hours on end it would have been so easy to call and have her moved. But I couldn't. We were their 7th home, they needed stability, acceptance not rejection. Because of my own life experience with my father I refused to reject her.

Some of my children may not be able to live at home but I will never reject them. I tell them, I am your mom. Regardless of what they do, I am their mom.

Genesis 50:20, look it up

I did not grow up in a Christian home.  Actually I grew up with an alcoholic father.  In spite of that, I  felt that I had a good relationship with him.  He remarried when I was 19 and that all changed.  I could never understand how a parent could just reject a child.  

Is it worse to have a loving relationship and then have them turn on you or to never have had a relationship at all?  I don't know, I do know that the way he turned on me hurt me for a long time. Actually I don't think about it much today but it still hurts.  I wish that I had a father to call and talk with.  I wish that my kids had a grandfather.  My husbands parents have both passed away so my kids have only my mom as a grandparent. My kids ask about my father.  What do I say?  The younger ones didn't even know that he was still living, they assumed he had died.  I guess that in a way he has.

My adopted kids also share that feeling of rejection.  I think that the only ones who really remember a parent are Joselin, Kassi and Michelle. Emma doesn't have much memory, Anthony and Larissa none. Nevertheless, at times they all ask about their other parents.  How do you fill that hole?  That loss?

I think that depends on the child. I think that each person deals with rejection in their own individual way. Some feel it more strongly than others.  I know for Larissa it was important for her to be able to see her mom and dad.  Luckily for her they were both very open and honest with her and let her know that she is in the best place.

For Michelle it just isn't the rejection of her parents but all those placements that she had.  She remembers them all and knows that some of them could have kept her but didn't. Actually they didn't help her out at all, they told her as much. As time goes on, she talks less and less about all the different homes. Some of them we have discussed and processed, they were just homes along the way to her final home.

In spite of their rejections they have to learn how to move forward to live happy, productive lives. The longer that they hold onto that pain, the more damage it does.  I believe that every person has experienced rejection on some level at some point in their life.  We need to have more compassion for others, you don't know what pain others are carrying around. Don't give more rejection, be the catalyst for acceptance.  As a society we haven't gotten there yet.