For me it is very frustrating because I enjoy giving to my kids. Giving of opportunities to see new things, experience new things, fun things, giving of myself and even giving of things. However, I have to always look at the cost of that giving. There always seems to be a cost. The biggest one is entitlement.
We were making plans for our trip and determining where everyone would sit. We planned on getting some DVD players that would be shared between two kids. Emma says she is not going to sit next to Michelle and is NOT going to share a DVD player. After a huge argument we changed the seating. She is not going to be sitting next to Michelle and she will not be sharing a DVD player. Instead she is going to sit directly behind me with no DVD player at all. The spot directly behind me is next to the baby car seat. I hope Little Man doesn't constantly hit her with his cup or shoes or anything else he chooses to throw because this is his new thing.
Later we were discussing dance. Two years ago we had put her in two dance classes and she quit saying it was too much. She says she wants to do dance next year. My husband and I discussed it and decided that we would let her take one dance class. The dance class of her choice. I talked to her about it. She said no she wanted to take three. I said one, she said two. I said one and she complained that one class is for babies. Emma will not be taking dance next year.
On and on it goes. She needs to be the first at everything, the center, the winner, the taker. Our current biggest challenge is her behavior towards me. When talking to her or correcting her she will literally walk away from me. That does not work for me.
This has been a long battle. Too many people tell her that she is cute. She has told the therapist at school that she is pretty and expects to be treated differently because of it. I tell her that what is inside her heart is more important than what is on the outside. She doesn't believe that. Even my husband has complained this summer about her sense of self entitlement and diva attitude.
We have already had some leadership in bullying (against her own sister at school) and I see the potential for more bullying in the future. It is a behavior that I really don't like.
Anyone have a diva child? A child with a huge sense of self entitlement? How do you deal with it?
Tell her my girl bully was turned down by Camp of the Pines because it requires a behavior statement from the teacher and she's had 9+ detentions, suspensions for it. Not going with us to Orlando because I will be working with 250 inner city kids. Counselor said no to that one and to sports in the fall if she can't treat her school mates correctly.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah,my mixed race one was always treated with preference by others and at 20 years old still is. Boss has practically made him his son.
Yup. This sounds like our 11 year old. Some of his bullying seems to be due to an lack of knowledge about how to relate to peers in more appropriate ways. But the entitlement and gosh darn the WALKING AWAY when we're TALKING to him!!!! He gets the same consequence i.e. you lose the nice thing. We always remind him "If you complain about fun things you're offered, you will get nothing. So your choice is to graciously accept what your offered, or nothing. There is no other choice."
ReplyDeleteOh yes! My 11 yr old Missy, too. She's not really capable of bullying except to pinch her brother every time he comes near. But the entitlement!!! Ugghhhh! She's taken to gorging so as to get as much of everything that she can get. I often tell her that her grasping at being first, getting the most, and being front and center ensures that she will lose much. I'm at a loss. I have no trouble enforcing the consequences but it's not changing anything so far...
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