The other day I had an adoptive parent reach out to me in pain. Her daughter told her that she wanted to see her "real mom". This hurt my friend. She has had this child from birth and doesn't understand why her daughter calls her other mom the real mom.
What is a real mom? To my adopted kids that is typically a term that they use for their biological mom. I don't correct them, I allow that term. It is synonymous to biomom, biological mom and such and so much easier for the kids to say and understand. I understand what they are saying and am not hurt by that term. When others ask about my kids "real mom" I am also not offended. I know what they mean.
The other day I received a text from Kassi. In short she wrote, "Mom, my real mom hurt me again. I don't know why I try". I had been expecting this. I worried from the moment that her "real mom" came back into town. Not because her relationship with her real mom would take away from my relationship with her, but because I knew that her real mom would hurt her. Her real mom has not been in her life in any real way for a long time. Yet, she is her real mom. Kassi wants for her to do what real moms do. Unfortunately, her real mom can't do that. Kassi is an adult, it is her relationship and her choice on how she proceeds with it. I wish that her real mom could be a mom, having more than one mom isn't a bad thing. The more people you have who love and support you the better.
I do not claim the title of real mom, or adoptive mom, or any other type of mom with something before it. I simply am mom, sometimes mama. I only want to be mom. The only time I put a title in front of it is when I put one of my kids names there. I am Jason's mom, Tasha's mom, Joselin's mom, Sarah's mom, Kassi's mom, Anthony's mom, Michelle's mom, Larissa's mom, Emma's mom and in my heart Benjamin's mom.
Don't ever call me the real mom, I am mom and I don't need any real in front of it to know who I am to my children.