Sunday, May 5, 2013

Foster care or Life is never boring at our house

I have been slacking on my blogging.  I have several posts to make but promised to write about our foster kid leaving.  We received a call late on Friday telling us that K would be leaving on Monday at 9am.  They had a spot for him where his sibling were living.  This was a planned move, we just didn't know when it would happen.

Things I learned from this child:

We told him that he was moving on Friday evening.  Saturday evening Sarah was watching the kids for a short period of time and he really acted out for her.  He was annoying her terribly and told her that he wanted us to go to jail so he was going to pester her until she hit him so he could call the cops.  Didn't work for him, Sarah never lost her cool.  He tried though so on Sunday I skipped small Bible study group time so I could sit with him.  I thought giving him time to process the move would be beneficial but in his case it just gave him time to try and cause more havoc.

We also learned that we can't take a child around 9 years old again.  His behaviors had a negative impact on our kids.  I now have to repair the holes in the wall and door.  He smashed a gallon of milk on the table so I still need to strip one of the chairs that got soaked.  I need to strip it and replace all the soft fabric parts.  He destroyed things and really didn't care.  John has found ruined books in the yard that K left out in the rain.  Not sure what else he damaged that we will find later.  He never accepted consequences or responsibility for his actions.  He also had no attachment.  Didn't seem to miss his family and simply walked away when it was time to leave.  Sad thing is, I don't think that he will get the help he needs.  Most of the kids are relieved that he is gone.

Huge difference between foster care and adoption........

     With adoption we accept the child or children and then we work hard to get the help that they need.  We all have to adapt and the child is told that they are staying so they need to learn to comply with our house rules. It is permanent.  Everyone needs to work hard to make it work.

     With foster care you have no idea when the child is leaving.  The child believes that this is temporary and so has no real reason to adapt to the house rules.  It is temporary and even though everyone has to work hard to make it work, it is still temporary.  I can't allow for the children to be hurt by a child who I bring into the home.  When I didn't have adopted hurt children this was not such a big concern.  Anthony was a very difficult child, damaged property and acted out terribly.  However, we didn't have 4 hurt children in the home so it didn't have such a big impact on the other kids.  For this reason we have decided that for foster care, we can only take little ones.  I just need to stick to that because they will call......

We are recovering and doing house repairs.  Who knows what else will head our way.

1 comment:

  1. It's crazy and you have to hold your ground on the ages because you know they'll try to get you to take one "just this once."

    I had a challenging 8 yr old and she ruined things but because of mental delays not viciousness. But I told them no more older girls for a while.

    I learned about Jasmine being born during that time but they didn't know if she'd come into care or not. In the next 36 hours I got two calls for older girls with reasons why they weren't working out in their current placements--not being give meds for one and needed to be split from her brother for the other.

    I told them no I was holding out for the baby with all the birth anomalies because I'm an at home mom and the best placement for the baby :) I didn't back down and ended up with Jasmine. I can't imagine my life without her.