Monday, May 9, 2011

What do you see?

When you look at this child what do you see?

We saw a child, a child who needed a family. We were told that she was 7 years old, perhaps 8. In fact she was 10 years old, perhaps 11. Although all the adults in her life thought she needed a family, she did not. In her mind she already had one. However, she felt betrayed by that family. She also felt betrayed by our family when she came to America and didn't receive everything she ever wanted. We have never met her view of what a perfect family is supposed to be. I struggled with that for years until I realized that no family would meet her idealized view of a family.

Over the years I have tried to teach her to forgive for those betrayals. She needs to learn to forgive so that she could move forward. She refuses. Until she can forgive, she will walk around with so much bitterness and anger that she will always be miserable.

I have learned something in can't force a person to forgive. It must come from their heart. They must decide to forgive. I wish I had the answers to help her. All I can do is pray for healing of her heart.

When I look at that picture I see my daughter. My hard headed, obstinate daughter....who I love.


  1. And we as parents also learn to live with the loss of dream of the child we thought we were getting....

  2. True, but I think that even biological parents can feel that pain. There are no guarantees with children, adopted or not. We as parents need to accept that our children will make their own choices whether we agree with them or not.

    Tasha told me yesterday that she was glad that we didn't allow our struggles with Joselin prevent us from adopting again. So true, I can't imagine my life without my two littles.