Monday, December 16, 2013


I hate it when I want to give my kids the world and all they can handle is the spot next to me.

That was my last facebook status.  I know that many adoptive/foster parents understand that saying.  Today it was really driven home to me by one of my children.  We went to a Christmas party with our new church family.  We don't often do such social activities because of our children.  However, we are trying to build relationships within our new church.  Many of the children congregated upstairs where there was a FROG/play space.  This is a normal thing, the adults gather and the children gather.

However, I have one child who has to have attention at any cost.  Upstairs she was using a lot of inappropriate language and discussing things that little ones shouldn't be hearing.  The pastor's 10 year old son complained about it.  We left the party early.  This particular child will not be going back any time soon.  If we do go back she will get to sit beside me the entire time.

On Mondays we go to Chick Fil A for family night.  Kids eat free and they have fun activities for the kids.  Last Monday we told the kids that if they were caught in 3 lies before the next Monday then they would not be able to go.  Two kids are not going. 

I feel sad that my kids are not able to participate in a lot of activities.  However, I can't just let the behaviors continue.  It is my job to consequence consistently.  If I am not consistent then the behaviors would escalate.  It is not fun.  It is tiring.  It gets real old.  Some days it seems as though the behaviors don't improve at all. 

I think that the holidays are worse.  Schedules are changing.  More social activities are happening.  More opportunities to test me at a time when I just want to relax and enjoy my family.

Today I have sadness that even though these kids are mine, they are still suffering the effects from a time in which they weren't mine.


  1. I hear you. I have a Disney Princess Live ticket with no one to use it Friday. I'd rather lose the money than reward the inappropriate behaviors. Probably not as inappropriate as yours, but mine have been home almost 4 years. Very stubborn about doing what they need to in order to fix previous behavior.

  2. I could have written this post, Felicia. I'm just sitting here nodding my head in agreement with every single thing you said. It's so sad, isn't it? I pray that the day will come when your girls and ours are able to function on a level that allows them to enjoy the good things we want to give them. Sigh.

  3. I think about this almost every day. How many years in our family will it take to mend the brokenness of the first six years of his life and then I wonder if it will ever be able to be mended. Then something happens and I get a glimmer of hope. Lots of time spent praying and knowing that God has a plan and it may not be what we want. But it is so very hard as a mom to sit back and not be able to fix everything.