Wednesday, April 10, 2013


Michelle has always been aware that she is not adopted.  She is very aware that she does not have permanency.  She has stated to her social worker that she still fears being moved. 

I am very curious to see how she will react when her adoption is complete.  In just the last few days I have noticed behavior swings in her.  It is as though she is testing one moment and then being very "good" the next.  She tantrums one moment and then very compliant the next.  I can tell that she is processing everything.  She states that she wants adopted and can't wait to get to court.  I believe that she does want adopted.  However, I think that she has such a range of emotions that she is not able to process it all.  She appears to be happy and fearful.  I hope that permanency will help with some of her jealousy and anger issues.  Time will tell.

In the meantime we have been receiving a lot of phone calls.  Apparently adoptions can not find our DHEC inspection from 2005.  This inspection does not have to be renewed.  It is required for the adoption.  Adoptions in the girls county has not been able to get anyone from my county or the main adoptions office to reply to her (imagine that!).  I gave her more phone numbers and folks to try (our adoption worker instead of licensing workers).

We also received a phone call from the foster care association wanting to visit on Monday.  I was puzzled by that one.  They didn't visit on the last two adoptions.  Apparently they only go to the homes of hard to place children.  Interesting. reactions.  She is her usual little self.  Still working on the attachment issues and some negative behaviors but coming along a little every day.  Attachment is such a big issue.  It doesn't resolve itself quickly.  It takes time, sometimes years, sometimes it never happens. 

I feel that both girls are attaching but it is such a process of stepping forward and backwards that sometimes you don't realize how far you have come until you sit back and remember how things were in the past. 

Just the other day my teen was talking with me about the girls.  She says that she thought that we would send them away because of all the tantrums.....for hours.  Eight months of that about drove us all crazy.  I wonder if we would have had a breaking point.  I wonder how folks do with children who never move beyond such behaviors.  What if we had given up at the six month point?  or seven months?  How do you determine to just stick with it and when does it become too much?  I know there were moments when I wondered what I was putting my family through.  We all hit breaking points at different times.  Thankfully we didn't all hit that point at the same time.

I was on the phone with one of the adoption workers came to the original intent to adopt signing 18 months ago.  She said that after so many moves and disruptions she really didn't think that the girls would stay.  However, she has never forgotten our words, "if they come to our home, they will stay.  We will not give up on them".  I am so thankful for perseverance, we stuck it out.  (or perhaps it is hardheadedness)

If you have the time, say a prayer for Michelle.  She needs peace within herself and for her anger to lessen.

Have a great night. 


  1. Big prayers for Michelle! If she's anything like Lexi, finalizing the adoption will really, really help. We still have our share of issues with her. But the difference since January is so drastic.

    Our AAL told us at the adoption that she never thought our girls would be adoptable. She thought they'd bounce around the system until they aged out. Thank God it isn't so!

    I'm so glad Emma and Michelle landed with you.

  2. I hope this will be over soon and the behaviors will even out. Maybe she just needs one last proof she won't be leaving.

    I have one acting out because he feels enpowered because he is--make that was--going on the big pirate ship trip. He had to earn it by good behavior at school and home but once he turned in the money, he dropped to straight reds. And stealing like crazy. Trip is gone. I do lose the $4.50 gas money, but I'll get $13 back because someone hadn't paid yet so his money will count as hers and we'll get hers.

  3. Thankful you stuck it out for them. We had 2.5 years of unceasing tantrums and I didn't know if I could do it sometimes.... So thankful to be seeing attachment and stability finally.