Feeling Adrift

Friday was my last day of student teaching.  I am going to miss the kids and all of the adults that I worked with.  Even though it was a very stressful time in my life it was also a great time.  The adults were very caring and encouraging.  The kids were fantastic to work with.  Now I have a big paper to finish by Monday and three tests to study for on Thursday then I will be finished. 

Then what?  I have no idea.  We feel very much adrift here. 

John's VA training job will come to an end soon as they close the employment office. I still think that cost saving idea is crazy and believe that they will reverse that plan.  It was obviously decided by someone who is living comfortably and can't imagine living in an area with no mass transportation and no vehicle or internet. It is possible that John will train elsewhere for the VA.  Training is fine but will it ever lead to a regular job?  We have no idea.

Normally we have long term plans.  Right now we don't.  We have no long range plans.  We are living day to day, moment to moment.

Looking at all the behaviors that the kids have been having since I started student teaching I can see that I need to be more here.  I hear people say that quality time is more important than quantity time, however I don't think so.  My kids require a lot of time and sometimes it isn't quality time, it is just simply being there time.  Larissa has had a lot of problems at school simply because I wasn't at home full time.  Having children with mental illnesses requires a lot of a parent.

It is possible for both of us to stay home full time?  It seems so crazy but it seems to be the way we are heading.  It would require more budgeting but it can be done financially.  I have friends who tell me to work on my art.  Perhaps I can supplement our income with that.  First I need to get my house back into order.  Perhaps with time it will become clearer to us where we should be heading.

In the meantime our adoption worker asked me if we wanted our file closed or not after the adoption is complete.  I asked John.  Keeping it open means we would be looking to adopt again.  Closing it means we would be done.  John knows my heart but I am willing to go the way he wanted to go.  He said to keep it open.  So, I guess you know what that means.....