Saturday, July 9, 2011

Foster Care versus Straight Adoption

We are licensed to foster and now have a homestudy to adopt.  Currently we do not have any foster children or any adoptive hopefuls.

After seriously looking at straight adoption from foster care I am beginning to think that we will not be able to do it.  As a foster parent placements are not too difficult to decide.  They call you and really don't have a lot of information to give.  Unless the child is moving from another foster home they probably don't know how the child behaves.  In all of our cases they give us a name, age and a little information about why they are coming into care.  Based on that information we make the decision whether to accept the child or not.

It was easier when we didn't have little ones in the home.  We felt safe taking kids up to a certain age knowing that our teenagers could take care of themselves.  Now we have two younger kids and I worry about taking in older kids.  So far we have only been asked to foster little ones so it has been fine.

Now we are looking at adoptions and the history and behaviors of the children are well known.  For the most part we have had honest answers when we ask about behaviors.  Since we do have younger children there are certain behaviors that we can not take.  One of them being sexual issues.  I don't care for my children to become victims in their own home.  Yes, we have had to say no to children for that reason.  Obviously we can't take kids when they say the child can not be left alone in a room with a male.  Also, some of the children are not a fit for our family because the child needs to be the youngest in the home. 

We are not as concerned with developmental delays or even certain mental illnesses.  We are trying to avoid a child with RAD but expect all children in foster care to have some level of attachment issues.  Obviously the children will have the effects of abuse and/or neglect.  We have seen how much neglect has harmed our two youngest.  Socially Anthony is still struggling today and he came to us at the age of 2 1/2.

We had assumed that we would do one more adoption and then get out of foster care.  However, I am seriously beginning to think that an adoption is not going to happen.  At this time there are no children that meet our criteria on the SC adoption photolisting site.  Keep in mind we are willing to take siblings, with delays, with some attachment issues, with some mental illness (depends on behaviors), with some physical issues (not wheelchair bound since our house wouldn't accommodate the child) and still we can't be matched. 

I see all these ads about how there are so many children needing adopted in foster care.  However, it seems like a majority of them can not be in a home with younger children.  I am sure that there are many exceptions, I just haven't been able to find them doing a vigilant search.

So, we sit here offering our home......and it sits empty.

It saddens me.


  1. We were and are in the same boat. Waited over two years for an adoption placement (our home was at 5 which is the limit for foster). Finally went with an overseas very expensive adoption. Now have been wanted to to foster for two years but are on hold until GA sends our files. But no one is sending it. And I'm the only ones asking. So it is probably not going to happen. It's frustrating when you know the need is so great....

  2. We are waiting to get a placement in SC too. We have everything complete and wanted to do a straight adoption (through foster care). Nothing has happened for us either. I have inquired about a few children ( and we are open to siblings, up to age 10). Sometimes I get a quick response, other times I wait for weeks. Like right now. Have you inquired about children in other states? I had our worker send our homestudy to another state and that worker responded to me in a few days (I was shocked).
    For some reason I thought that with all the children needing homes we would have been matched already. You know, people calling me!!!! I really dont understand this whole process and why it takes as long as it does. Hang in there!!

  3. Prayers that He leads someone to spot the right child for your family soon. I too find it so sad to think that when family is willing to step up and take another child, who has realiistic expectations of not having a "perfect" child, the only criteria being one that concerns keeping the other kids safe, that there isn't a swarm of people trying to place a child there. I know the process is far more complex then I am aware of; but I wish it wasn't :(