Some Days it Just Hurts to be a Mom

Lately I haven't been posting as much as I used to. It is not because I don't have anything to say. It is not even because I have been doing hair styles on three little girls. It is because I don't know how to best express the pain of some things without sounding depressing.

Parenting, foster care, adoption....they come with so much pain. Kids struggling with bullying, mental illnesses, physical illnesses, challenging behaviors. How do you balance all the needs? How do you not let it all drag you down?

We have been dealing with some serious behavior problems with Larissa lately. It started about 6 months ago with ADHD type behaviors. I thought for sure that she was over the top hyper. Then not too long ago the tantrums started. Not your normal tantrums. Tantrums where my little girl is replaced by some child we don't recognize that last more then an hour long. Where she is totally out of control.

When she was 4 years old we were told that she had bipolar. We were told that she was going to have more problems then her brother. We thought that he was crazy. We were in denial. After holding my child in my arms after a severe tantrum and having her just collapse I had to face the truth......my baby is bipolar. The ADHD is actually a state of manic. Her sleeping problems, long tantrums, nightmares....they all fit.

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Some days it just hurts to be a mom.

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I cried. I didn't want it to be true. She has so many other struggles, it just didn't seem fair. She is such a sweetie, so loving yet her list keeps growing. We haven't been able to control her seizures, will we be able to help her control the bipolar. I can't afford to be in denial any more, she needs help now.

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I struggle now with my decision to go back to school. Is this the time for it? Is it meant to happen? Am I supposed to still be at home? Where does God want me to be?

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Yep, some days it just hurts to be a mom.