Tomorrow Michelle will be 7 years old. I asked her what she wanted for her birthday a few weeks ago and she told me a Strawberry Shortcake remote car. I said that I didn't know if they made such a thing. She told me that they did, she got one for her birthday last year and it was her favorite gift. We received the girls a few months after her last birthday and I didn't see that toy so I asked her what happened to it. She looked at me like I was crazy and said that all the best toys always stay behind.
The loss of everything that has value to the child is huge. How can you expect a child to value and take care of anything if they perceive that they will lose it all at some point. Clothing, shoes, toys, crayons, art supplies....it doesn't matter what it is, it doesn't last long with both of the new girls. I purchased all the girls some Hello Kitty shoes at the same time. The two new girls are now on their third pair and they look terrible. Larissa still has the first pair. I have stopped replacing them.
Dimples is not allowed to be alone with the dog because she encourages that dog to chew on her clothing. After throwing away some of the clothing I realized that she needed to wear the worn clothing. When I told her that she would be rewearing the clothing that she allowed the dog to tear up she flatly told me no she wouldn't. She has been wearing those clothes. So if you see one of my kids in torn up clothing be aware that I am trying to teach her that not everything will just be replaced.
With Michelle we also have the added issue of jealousy. Very strong jealousy, so bad that it impacts her life. I have said that she is so jealous that she will glare at another child with an ice cream cone and not notice the one melting in her own hand. Her jealousy impacts her behavior at home and at school. It makes her a bully, she has no friends. She complains that none of her sisters want to play with her. I try to point out to her what she does to push others away but so far I haven't had much success.
I can understand the jealousy. I do, I know that many foster homes treat their foster children as "lesser then" children. They get the cast offs, the second best. Our home isn't that way. We try our best to treat all our children fairly. Sometimes fairly isn't equally. We have to take into consideration behaviors as well as DSS rules. One of the things that Michelle has consistently told everyone is that she wants to stay in our home.....that this is the best home she has ever been in. I think that it is perhaps the most fair home she has been in and she recognizes that. However, the jealousy remains. If anyone knows of a good way to deal with the extreme jealousy please let me know. It greatly impacts her life.
Back to birthdays....I wanted to have a birthday party for Larissa this year. However, Michelle has no friends to invite to a party, neither does Anthony. Michelle's birthday is this month, Anthony's is next month and then Dimples and Larissa's are in September. Out of all the kids only Larissa has friends. Larissa had a boy call her from the rec camp, kids that she goes to their houses and plays with, kids from school that call her. None of the other kids do. Even Anthony has no friends. He calls no one and no one calls for him. He can be a bit of a bully like Michelle. I think that over time Dimples will have some friends. She doesn't seem to have the same anger that Michelle and Anthony have. Odd that my kids with the anger issues are both the older child in a sibling group.
Tomorrow the kids are going to a movie in the morning with the rec department then we are picking them up for lunch at ChicFilA's (Michelle's choice) then home for cake and presents. John and I are going out together for dinner and maybe a movie (it is our 20th anniversary).
Any suggestions on the birthday party thing? I appreciate all suggestions!