Friday, April 20, 2012

The Heart of a Child

Lily, who really isn't named Lily and now wants to be called Michelle has a heart.

She has feelings.

She understands A LOT of what is going on.

She doesn't understand why.

Every time her sister screams she wants a new home, Michelle's heart drops.  Every other time her sister has done this it has worked for her, they were moved.  Dimples, who wants to be Emma, has always had the power to create a move.  Michelle has been voiceless against it.

The other day Michelle told me that she doesn't want to go back to her biological parents, she wants us to adopt her.  She wants to stay.  She desperately wants a family.

Emma has no attachment.  She has never had any attachment.  Six months is about as long as Emma can stand staying in one home.  Tantrums usually work, when they didn't then she tried harder.  It still didn't work.  Finally, I told Emma that Michelle wasn't going to move...period.  I asked their social worker to reinforce that when they had their visit this week.

When the social worker talked to them Michelle felt that she was about to be told that she was moving.  After all, that is how it has happened every other time.  She cried and told the SW that she didn't want to go.  She was told that she wasn't going to leave and finally she was told that her parents have not worked their plan and she would be adopted.  This is the first time that they have been truthful with Michelle. 

The truth....why is it denied to these girls.  They are not told why their mom doesn't visit.  They suspect and don't quite buy the car trouble story.  Would the truth hurt?  I told Michelle on the way home that their mom couldn't work her plan because she has some problems in her own life that are preventing her from being able to do what she needs to do.  Michelle feels that it is because her mom doesn't want her.  Wouldn't the truth be better then that.  Should I tell her that the "problem" is a drug addiction?  Maybe not now, but some day I think she deserves the truth.

I have heard the statement "in the best interest of the child".  I have yet to see that played out in the foster care system.  It is not about the best interest of the child, it is about parental rights.  It doesn't matter that they refuse to take drug tests, that they gets arrested on drug charges, that they don't do a single thing on their plan....they still have their rights and can visit their kids.  They can do the bare minimum (visiting) to keep their case going for years.  In the meantime there is the child with the broken heart.  The child with the confusion.  The child without permanence.  Without a family.

Every time I take pictures Michelle wants me to post her picture.  She wants to know when we will be able to adopt her.  She wants me to post her picture and declare that she is mine.


  1. Beautiful, sweet girl. I pray she gets more than her heart wish.

  2. All the best Felicia, the girls are blessed.

  3. i am praying for the princess. for healing in her heart.

  4. What heartbreak! Praying for the specific needs of both Emma and Michelle.

  5. What a beautiful little girl! I'm so glad you found her!

  6. God put her and her sister in our path. A year ago, I had no idea that we would be adopting two girls from a distant county.

  7. At our house we just say that the kiddo's dad wasn't ready to be a dad. It's sad but he's just not grown up enough yet.

    Heather in MN