Monday, November 21, 2016

Under Attack

 I have been a little stressed lately. For some reason I have been under attack in an area I hadn't expected, the care of my mom. Last week I had someone show up at my door, a social worker from her insurance. She has a social worker from Long Term Community Care as well (they provide the diapers, boost and caregiver). We came up on her radar because I turned down hospice care. She came and talked to my mom and me for a while. She asked how things were going and if I needed anything. She talked about trying to get more caregiver hours and left.

The next day she calls me back. We have a stock pile of diapers and bed pads. After 5 years of receiving them monthly we do have a surplus. She asked me about those diapers and insinuated that we weren't changing her. She also said that my mom had to have skin breakage. I told her that she did not. Folks, she does not have a single bed sore at this time. Charlotte and I work together to make sure that she does not. If either one of us notice a spot we are concerned about we tell each other and make sure that we position her to stay off of it. She really favors her right side and always wants to stay on that side, she will gravitate to the side as well unless we position pillows appropriately.

Then the social worker is concerned because when she asked my mom a question my mom looked at me. Well, yes my mom doesn't know who she is so she looked to the person she trusts. She questions that I am the only one who makes decisions for my mom. My brothers have stepped back and allowed me to make all decisions. They live in Texas and know that I would make the best possible decisions for my mom.

Then she asks me if my mom even has a doctor and if I get her medical care! She had called doctors around here and my mom wasn't a patient of any of them. Well, true my mom has not been going to the doctor that medicaid chose for her. She has been seeing our family doctor the entire time she has been in SC and her doctor is familiar with her. We private pay for her appointments and her doctor and I talk about any concerns as well. I gave her the doctors phone number and began to wonder what was up. I totally felt under attack.

Next she complained about the smell in the room. I had told her on the day she came that we had just gotten the washing machine up and running and didn't have all her laundry done. Apparently she didn't believe me. Perhaps if we had even known that she was coming I would have removed it from the room.

Then she complained about my moms weight loss. Well, we give her 2 boosts a day and feed her every meal. Before I head to bed (midnight to 1 am) I always go in and change her and give her a midnight snack. Some days she will eat well, some days not so well. It is never because she doesn't have food available. We leave fruit bars and other snacks out for her in case she gets hungry. Heck, we even make runs to fast food places when she has requests for something specific (which happens a few times a week). We noticed the weight loss which was why we requested the Boost about a year ago.

After hanging up I really wondered what was up and was quite unsettled. The next day I received a phone call from her social worker. She was quite upset, said that the other SW had accused her of not doing her job. Said that the SW was making all kinds of accusations. Apparently it is also a problem that we had planned our vacation in January. We made these plans almost 2 years ago. We didn't know how my mom would be doing at the time. This is not a cheap vacation, it is not possible to just cancel it. We have friends and even one of my brothers from TX is coming. Once again I heard about the excess of diapers. The SW told me that all her patients who have been receiving diapers for a while have a surplus. She was totally unconcerned about it. Once again I was told that my mom had to have skin breakage.

Then I received a call from my doctors office saying that we had requested hospice care, ugh. After talking for a bit it became apparent that the social worker had also told them that my mom had to have skin breakage. I made an appointment for Wednesday so that they could see that my mom does not have any bed sores or unusual bruises. She is taken care of and not neglected or abused. Her doctors office does not believe that my mom has any signs of abuse or neglect but wants to have it documented. We also put her back on depression medication and will address some type of pain medication when I take her in. She is also looking to do medical homebound.

Today I received a call from her doctor. She asked me who on earth this lady was. She has been trying to get information from them and she has not been supplying it. She wonders why this lady seems to be looking for something. I really don't know what all was said between those two but her doctor was quite mad. This lady seems to do well at making people mad.

The social worker called me this afternoon. She knew that my mom had an appointment Wednesday and wanted to make sure that I knew that she had to have a TB test to go to respite care. I told her that the main reason I was taking my mom in was because of her accusations and that I feel that she is attacking me. She said that she was just doing her job. Hmmmm. Then she said that I don't take my mom to the doctor often enough. I told her that I avoid the doctors office as much as possible. My mom has not been sick except for UTI's because I avoid areas where sick people go. Besides, going to the doctors office more frequently would not make a difference. My mom is progressively dying. I know this. I know that the dementia is getting worse. I know that there really isn't much that we can do to prolong, my concern is to make sure that she is comfortable. If we ever go with hospice it will be because she some type of continued medical care such as pain management.

I am well aware that there is elder abuse. However, this lady claims to be a nurse but doesn't seem to understand the effects of multiple strokes, vascular dementia and being bedridden for years. She mentioned today that my mom had alzheimers. I corrected her, told her that she has vascular dementia and that I was overwhelmed because she had taken another step down. We treated for a UTI because that mimics a step down. There was no change so this is our new normal. Perhaps dementia is dementia, but I have taken care of someone with alzheimers (my father in law) and now her. I can see the difference in progression.

So if you wonder where I have been, I have been under attack......and pissed about it.


  1. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. It's obvious you take great care of her. Hang in there, the truth will out.

  2. Ugh. Life is hard enough without having someone intentionally making it worse.

  3. You take incredible care for your mom! I'm always awed by your devotion! Hope this lady leaves you alone soon.

  4. here's my take---some people are just not happy without causing grief and creating chaos, unfortunately this social worker seems to skilled at this. it's like their job in life. try to remind yourself this has nothing to do with you, you are an excellent caregiver. don't take this personally, the social worker would be saying this about anyone because she has her own agenda-- which is to create chaos and grief. again, it's like her own personal job. which is why she keeps saying your mom has skin breakdown despite the reality that no, your mom does not. My guess is, even if you take your mom to the doctor the social worker will disregard that report or, in a few weeks, claim that report is too old to be reliable. unfortunately, when people are like this, with their mission in life to create chaos and grief, it ISN'T about the people she's helping, it's about her, the social worker. the more noise she makes, the more attention she gets. the more calls she makes, the more calls she gets. which is why, in my opinion she doesn't see your mom is well loved and well taken care of. anyway, don't let her 'job' get to you! sending positive thoughts and prayers!

  5. Keeping you and your mother in prayers.

  6. Can you complain and ask for a different social worker? I hope it all gets sorted soon!