In January 2012 I made a trip to Texas to pick my mom up from a nursing home there. My brothers were not able to see her so I wanted her closer. I had thought that I would get her on medicaid here and find a nice nursing home for her. I thought that it would be too difficult for me to car for her at home since she is not mobile and is incontinent.
I had no idea that 4 years later I would still be caring for my mom. When I see this picture from 4 years ago it makes me a little sad. I can see how much weight she has lost over the years. How much more frail she has gotten. Caring for her has gotten more difficult. Her left side was the most affected by her strokes and that side is drawing up. I don't know if it is from lack of use or further silent strokes. For some reason she tries to lie sideways on her bed. I haven't figured that one out.
Honestly, I grow weary of caring for my mom. The last thing I do each night before I head to bed is go in, change her and give her a snack. Each morning when I wake up I go in and check on her. I maintain her medications, deal with her doctors, ensure that all of her needs are met. The 20 hours of care that she receives help a lot. It gives me a break.
If I didn't have 5 younger kids in the home I don't think that it would be as much of a burden, but lately that is how it feels. I don't feel like we have a mother daughter relationship. I am the caregiver.
I will admit to jealousy. Jealousy when I see older mother and daughters out to lunch or shopping. I see women quite a bit older than my mom out and about. Instead of sharing life with my mom I am taking care of my mom.
We are taking two small trips this summer, one to NC and one to TX. I have someone to care for my mom while we are gone. However, in December/January we are going on a cruise. We are taking my moms caregiver with us but there is no way my mom can come. We had thought that we would put her in a respite nursing home. We had done that with my father in law when he had Alzheimer's and was living with us and we vacationed. Originally our plan was to do respite and pick her up when we got back. However, I am leaning more towards finding a nursing home for her to stay at. This is a hard decision to make but I am pretty sure that is what I will do.
Being in this position sucks. There is no easy answer.