Sunday, February 15, 2015

We Have a Runner

We had some excitement today.  John is working on a paper for one of his masters classes so I decided that after church I would take the kids to go pick Sarah up and do a little shopping.

Then the lying started.  Michelle was intent on getting Emma in trouble so was telling lies. I wasn't buying it and John said that she could just stay home with him.

Apparently this didn't sit too well with Michelle.  Right after we left she snuck out of the house and went to the house across that street......without shoes.  I am not sure what her long term objective was.

The neighbors weren't sure if she was one of ours or not and Michelle was adamant that she wasn't so they called the police.  As soon as Michelle saw the police she panicked and said that she did live across the street but ran out because a man with a beard chased her out of the house.  She was screaming and crying that this really happened.

Her runaway plan wasn't too well thought out.  No shoes, no coat, no extra clothing or food.  I don't think that she really meant to stay gone.  I guess she got all the attention that she was seeking.  She did ruin our plans since I took Sarah back to school early and came home.

We decided to move her bedroom to the FROG.  I have come to realize that she is not happy that Emma is doing so well.  Emma has been getting more privileges lately and that is not sitting well with Michelle.  She has been trying to sabotage Emma and I am trying to avoid that.  I was going to use the FROG as a sewing room but that has been put on hold.

The girls have a long history of moving to new homes frequently.  Every move was because of Emma's tantrums.  Michelle has always flown under the radar.  She has been able to tell her lies without notice.  Her world is shifting as Emma is healing.  This new reality is hard for Michelle.  I hadn't really noticed it until today but looking back I can see the lies and manipulation that Michelle has been doing in an effort to sabotage Emma.

I don't think that Michelle realizes herself what her motivation is.  I will talk with her.  I will try to make her see that her behavior is not connected with her sister.  That they can both heal and grow. I hope that having separate rooms will help.

I am a huge advocate of keeping siblings together whenever possible but I have to say that sometimes I wonder if the girls would have been better off being separated.  I believe that Emma should have gone to a therapeutic home and Michelle would not have had as many moves if she was not attached to her sister.  Michelle remembers every home, rejection and move.  She blames her sister for them. They do not have a good sister relationship.  They both fight for Larissa, putting her in the middle.

But they did get placed together and now have to learn to live in the same family together. Actually, in the end I think that our little runner helped me to see a problem.  Now to see if we can solve it.


  1. Praying for healing. Breaks my heart that our babies have to go through so much and that life has been so hard for them. Your girls are much like my boys. 2 steps forward, 3 steps back.

  2. It's crazy. And sometimes I think it is better to separate siblings, even if only in foster care so they can heal individually, and then be brought back together--unless reunification would sabotage growth.

  3. Aww. So sorry. Our son is the kid who was separated into a treatment home so his siblings could be adopted. It might have turned out well for two of his siblings, they did get adopted quickly by the first family they were placed with - I don't know for sure though, as their adoptive family does not permit any contact between siblings. It's turned out so, so bad for FS11 though. He misses his siblings so much, and believes it's his fault that he's not allowed to see them. Also, his oldest sister is still in care. So 2/4 kids got to stay together and be adopted quickly. The other two have bounced around and accumulated so much more trauma.

  4. I hope this situation helps you help Michelle. Lexi should have been placed in a different home than Kate and Meghan, too.