I haven't been writing because I don't really know what to write. It isn't that there isn't anything to write about, I just don't know exactly how I should share. Anyone want to know the stress of taking in a family of four? Should I even write about it. It overwhelms our family and house right now.
Life is really complicated right now.
Finances are stretched very tight right now. We now have 14 mouths we are feeding. Grocery shopping happens about every day. I worry about money. Several times a week we are filling up the cars gas tanks. They have a job in Columbia, not close. Since we only have one car to spare that car goes back and forth to town twice a day. Today the car stopped and we aren't sure why. I don't have the extra money for car repairs right now.
Since we cancelled our Alaska trip we decided to put some of that money into our patio. Someone quoted us $3400 to put one in which is way out of our budget so we are doing it on our own. I ordered the wood and it will be delivered next Wednesday. Do we take the money for our planned yard improvements into supporting this family? I have already cut back on what we had planned.
They came with what they could take on the bus. They don't have a car. The boys don't have any toys except for skateboards that they carried. Anthony has enough clothing that we were able to get them dressed pretty well.
It isn't just the finances. It is also the loss of the structure that my kids so need to maintain. No other way to put it, the boys don't respect us or our house. It is a struggle for me because my few plants that I do have coming in are getting destroyed. The rocks that got thrown into the pool made me angry. Every day it is something new.
Yet, we invited them. The boys need stability. I take a deep breath and practice patience every day. I learn humility as I realize how blessed we are. We are working closer to find a balance so that all the kids have the same level of expectations. I try not to worry about money too much and work with what we have.
Yes, life is complicated right now and I am feeling to need to get back to blogging. It is hard when I feel like every post would sound like I am complaining. I don't want to be that way. I would love to be more positive at this time, I am just not feeling it. Perhaps it would help if spring would actually arrive!
Yikes. That does sounds complicated. What I'm not hearing, is how these parents are contributing to the financial or emotional stability of your household. Are they helping the home work well, or not?
ReplyDeleteHave they been connected with other resources, other than your generosity? Welfare, rent vouchers, school assistance? They are technically homeless and can qualify for all sorts of things. The school (federal law) assistance is called the McKinney-Vento Act and the school must provide for the children (inc transportation).
Personally, I have helped countless friends "down on their luck," and those who don't help themselves need to find other arrangements. You have to preserve your own unit, first. One can be compassionate and provide tools, without giving half (or more!) of everything away. I hope you find the peace in making the best decision for your own kids, first. Your current situation sounds dreadful, and I'm sorry for that.
So far they are not contributing financially because they don't have the money. He started a job within a week of getting here but doesn't get paid until the 5th of March. She is looking for a job but in the meantime found a program where unemployment will pay for a 5 week welding class. Their kids get free lunches and they get a few hundred in food stamps, not near enough to feed a family of four. A big problem is he doesn't have a license so she has to take him to work and pick him up. This leaves us with all the kids for school and then again when they come home. It is like having two extra kids that you have to parent but aren't the parent. They are severely ADHD and have had a lot of moves and instability. They actually remind me of foster kids. The parents do tell their kids that they need to follow our house rules and respect the home and us, they simply don't listen.
DeleteDoes the school know they are homeless? Technically, they are. Same with their caseworker. They should be qualifying for emergency housing. In any case, ask the district what resources these children have under McKinney-Vento: there should be after school programs and all sorts of in-school resources for them. I'm not sure exactly where you're at, but you mentioned Columbia and these are the community resources I gathered. You might be helping them best, by connecting them widely in the community:
Deletehttp://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/richland_county_assistance_pro1.html
This is an area I need to look into more. I would assume that there are some programs that can help them. Thanks for the push.
DeleteI hope you're able to find them more connections are resources. Oftentimes we just suffer alone, and many hands make for lighter work.
DeleteYou go ahead and post, even if it feels negative. You're in the midst of a very hard season...as if it wasn't tough enough before! You know your blog family is here for you, especially when times are hard. It's definitely time for them to look into what other assistance is available for them. I know you offered, but your family needs your resources, too. I love your generous, thoughtful heart. Praying that God would sustain you in all ways.
ReplyDeleteKeep it real. Our life is going to get ugly soon because Rick's job is ending and there is nothing here for him.
ReplyDeleteOh no! John has been unemployed for over two years now. For two years we cut our budget and cut it. Now we cut it again. John is looking at going to school to gain new skills. I hope that Rick can find something soon.
DeleteI've done this before and yes it's been very hard. Go ahead and vent, this is you blog and it's your life. We are here to listen/ read :-)
ReplyDeleteI will add that Kim has always been a hard worker. She was driving a truck long haul and had an accident. That accident took away her income and career. Now she is struggling to reinvent herself. I know that she has depression and grief from losing her job and everything. Many of us are one step away from losing everything as well. I feel that we are blessed because we have weathered many storms and come out stronger each time. That is why when I get frustrated by behaviors or worried about finances I take a deep breath and calm myself. We will survive. I may have a few more grey hairs but we will be OK.
ReplyDelete