Monday, March 3, 2014


Emma is sporting a big bruise on her face courtesy of her sister Michelle.  Apparently she has no problem with kicking someone in the face when she is mad.  She also doesn't appreciate that she is on total loss of privileges until that bruise is completely gone.  That means that she missed Chick Fil A tonight and she is hoping for quick healing because we are going skating on Saturday.

I really don't think that Michelle will do that again.  Every time someone asks Emma what happened she tells the truth.  On Sunday at church Michelle actually looked embarrassed.

Adding to her embarrassment, today I went to the school and told them that Michelle needed to tell a girl that she bullied on the bus that she was sorry.  The school thought it was a great idea and was glad to add detention during recess.  Michelle wasn't too pleased.

Emma bullies in a certain way and I know that a lack of self esteem is often the cause but in her case I actually don't see it.  I think that hers is really a lack of empathy for others.  She is coming along in attachment but isn't where she needs to be.  This is something we are consciously working on.

With Michelle I really think that her bullying is a problem with her self esteem.  She has a need for attention but seeks it by being the clown or extremely annoying.  She annoys all of her older siblings and pushes them away with her behaviors. 

Emma doesn't remember all the moves and she didn't have much of an emotional investment in each family.  Michelle is different.  She remembers every home and worked hard to stay.  She was the "good girl" trying to appease everyone so that she wouldn't get moved again.  When she came here it was the same way in the beginning.  She came saying she loved us which we knew wasn't possible. 

She took each move as a rejection.  There was so much rejection in her short life.  Even after 2 years in our home she still feels that rejection.  She suffers from self esteem issues and serious jealousy problems.  These combined make it hard for her siblings to bond with her.  When I put Larissa and Michelle together alone they can play well together.  When others are added Michelle doesn't do well and the fun deteriorates into fighting.  All three of the other kids can be playing well and then as soon a Michelle joins them there is a problem. 

We are working on her self esteem issues but with her behaviors sometimes it is hard.  Still, every day is a new day and a new opportunity for moving forward.

Emma has cycled around to a pleasant child.  When she goes through her tantrumming period she is so angry.  She constantly tells me that she wants a new home.  Recently she has started saying that she wants a new home whenever she doesn't get her way or gets corrected in any way.  The other day I told her that I was tired of hearing that because she is stuck and can't go anywhere.  She is a part of our family and she is just saying that to try and hurt.  I really am tired of hearing it.

As we pass out of this period with Emma I feel as though we have passed a test.  It feels as though she wants to make sure that we won't send her away.  Part of her believes it is possible.

There is a lot happening in our household right much that I haven't taken the time to post.  Tomorrow morning I will continue.


  1. Kate doesn't have the anger that Michelle has, likely because Kate didn't bounce around foster care before we got her, and because she did attach strongly to her other foster family. There wasn't the rejection factor, either. We've been able to keep very strong ties with the foster family, and Kate knows she is loved. However, she does the same thing as Michelle when she enters a group. She just can't seem to find a way to enter into the play without creating chaos. She can play okay with one child at a time sometimes, but she is just like a steamroller...goes right over the top. We're working on it too, but it's a hard one.

    1. I wish that Michelle could play with any of her other siblings. She and Anthony are always at each others throats complaining that the other is being mean to them and always making little rude comments to each other. She also doesn't play well with Emma because she steamrolls over her and they fight. For some reason she can play with Larissa and I think that it is because Larissa is more easy going.

  2. Our two have trouble playing with each other. Ten years old and they still parallel play. I keep the twins separated a lot. They don't get very physical because I never give them opportunity - because I know they very well could!!

  3. What kinds of things are you doing with Michelle to work on her self-esteem?