Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Teaching Respect

Do you teach your kids respect?  Do your kids struggle with showing respect?

I know that in our house we struggle with children who struggle with showing respect.  It seems like when they finally understand that at our house we expect them to show respect something happens to make them test that fact.  Typically it is them watching kids who do not show any respect to their parents.

Our challenge of the month is Anthony.  He has been doing so well.  Really showing growth and improving on his behaviors.  Then we put him in Boy Scouts.  We thought this was a good thing.  Unfortunately, it has not proven to be so.  John does the activities with Anthony (which is why you don't see any pictures from the activities).  After every event John comes home and tells me that the kids do not listen to their parents at the meetings and are very wild. 

The turning point was a weekend camp out a few weekends ago.  It was bad.  The kids were so disrespectful.  Anthony came home to try it out.  It didn't go well for him so then he got his anger back.  Anger we haven't seen since he got put on his mood disorder medication. He has tried flat out ignoring me, picking on the girls, ignoring restrictions.  Finally this weekend I pulled out the big guns....I told him that he seems to forget that everything he receives comes from us, the parents.  You don't disrespect the person who is supporting you. Anyone use that?

This weekend I told him that I was not going to spend any money on him outside of the home until he turns his behavior around.  He was able to go to the Renaissance Festival because kids were free.  However, he had to pack a lunch because I wasn't going to buy him any food there.  He missed out on bread soup bowls, turkey legs and chocolate covered marshmallows.  He also didn't have the opportunity to jump on the bouncy thing.

I am frustrated.  It seems that so many parents don't expect anything from their children.  They allow their children to talk to treat them with disrespect.  They haven't established a strong separation from parent and child.  I don't know how many times I have told my children that I am not their friend and that they are the child.  Sure there comes a time when that relationship starts to tip.  I am more of a friend with my adult children, but I am also someone that they come to for advice.  They trust that what I have to say has value.  We respect each other.  I give my opinion but recognize that they are adults and don't have to use it.

These kids grow up and become the adults within our society.  How will our society look with so many people showing disrespect for everyone and everything.  Highest incarceration rate in the world?  If you look it up we actually are rated number 1. 

Disrespect is only one of my pet peeves.  Other big ones for me are a sense of entitlement, lying and not taking ownership for their own actions.

What are your pet peeves for behavior in your children?


  1. My pet peeve for my boys is the sense of entitlement. Drives me bonkers. At one point my son lost everything in his room until he earned it back, and lost all "screen time" (no TV, DS, ipod, etc) for a month. He finally got better, but we have to keep him in check. The other thing that drives me nuts is when he decides he won't talk (my little one doesn't do this yet). My older son will decide that he's done with whoever is talking to him, and just ignore them. I could understand it if it were someone he didn't know, but usually it's his Grandma or something. With my little one, he'll try to get away with things if he sees other kids doing it - but I can usually get his attention with a hand on his shoulder or using his first and middle name. I completely understand not liking how other kids treat their parents. I am not my kids' friend either, I am their mom. I love them too much to let them act like monsters.

  2. We are dealing with lying a lot--both verbally and by action. Like Kayla. She wets a lot so I put her back in pull ups at night. If she wets, she's to get up and shower. No shower is equal to her saying she's dry. Yesterday the puppy found and brought me a pull up that was equal in weight to himself!!! To me, that's a lie. Staying up for reward time when you know you were bad in school but the teacher didn't e-mail me is a lie.

    When the twins get corrected, they go into a tail spin and get very defiant before they correct it.

    Adam has a very strong sense of entitlement. I don't think going into the military as an officer is going to help that much.

    I don't know if it's entitlement or not, but you know all those flyers about sports and school skate night and such that come home? The kids come home saying, "My teacher said you're to take me skating tonight" or whatever it is. And we go through the, "This mean you are allowed to go if you've earned that privilege with me." I wish the teacher would say something like that. I hate to bother them about it because I've already asked for other things from them lately--like marking Kayla's behavior somewhere on the planner like Kaleb's class does and asking Kaleb's teacher to mark his personally with marker because he changes it. A lot.