Why don't they listen?

Our teen is the first child who has come to our home able to speak, able to tell us about her life.

We knew that our younger foster children had been neglected or abused.  One came from the burn clinic.  Others came with extreme delays and attachment issues.  They came with clues that they were neglected or abused.  However, they could not tell us specifically what they endured.

Our teen is now opening up to us.  She is telling us about her life.  I will not share it because it is her story. 

I will say that it has made me realize why I do foster care.  It has made me realize that there are many other children out there hiding their pain yet hoping that someone will notice.

They don't know what to do.  They don't know how to get out of the situation.  They feel alone.

However, what happens if they finally seek help?  You would think that they would get it.  We are a society that is supposed to protect our children.

That isn't always the case. I will say this....my foster child had to call the police three times to get help, three times.

So.....why don't they listen when a child speaks up? 

Selective Mutism on Meds

We have always known that anxiety medication can be prescribed for selective mutism.  However, we had been hesitant to put Larissa on anxiety medication because of her age and seizures.  After visiting a new doctor and agreeing that her long tantrums while I was in school may be separation anxiety we decided to go ahead and start the medication.

The tantrums have stopped.  Even better she is talking.  The other day at San Jose she decided she needed a spoon.  She actually got up and went and asked for one.  True, we eat there so much that it is like a second home.  But, that was such a huge step for her.  Her teacher also reports that she is talking to her.  She is still not a chatterbox but she does speak up for herself.

Today she had gymnastics.  She was working on doing her handstands.  From the other side of the building, behind a glass partition I could hear her yelling to her coach, "look at me, look at me".  Her coach rewarded her with a positive reaction and a high five when she got up.  I was shocked that she was so loud.  I loved it.
She is also sleeping in her own bed.  We moved the mattress from our room to her bottom bunk and there she stays.  She has come into our bedroom only one time in the last few weeks.  I do miss the cuddles but am glad that she is able to be secure in her own bed.

At the end of the month we will be visiting her neurologist.  I hope that he doesn't want to change her anxiety medications.  We actually haven't seen any negative side effects....only positive. 

All is good.

Neglect.......Yard

Do you see that weed in the center of the picture?  It is over 6 feet tall.  Yep, I grow weeds real well.

I really don't know what happened to my summer.  I didn't even have any foster kids.  Seems like all I did was build a castle bed and go on a cruise.  In the meantime all my weeds grew to fantastic heights. 

It is not only weeds.  My other plants grew with great zeal.  I don't even know what to do with these bushes.  I didn't realize that they got so big when I planted them.

I did attempt to trim them.  I am not sure if that was much of an improvement.  That plant in the middle is mighty interesting.  I have no clue what to do with that thing.

I even got out the round up and attempted to kill some random stuff growing in my islands.  Weeds and grass both grow well in my islands.  I just wish that the grass would grow as well on my lawn!

I wish that I could say that the yardwork was a top priority.  Honestly, it is not.  I guess I need to do some work on the front yard so the neighbors can stop talking about us.  I won't even show pictures of that.  Well, maybe I will after I have done some work. 

Anyone love to do yardwork and want to come for a visit?

  

Sleepover

Well, everyone survived the sleepover.  Teen had her first sleepover and wanted to invite more then one friend.  All you experienced moms know how that can be a problem.  We know how that can be a problem.  Teen got to experience how that can be a problem and has decided that from now on she will only invite one friend at a time. 

Can we say "drama" on hormones.  I think that my teen spent more time downstairs with us then with her friends.  She says that they are annoying.  I had to laugh.  I told her that I thought that all teens were supposed to be annoying.

I think that in some aspects it was good for her.  I had tried to talk to her before about one of her "friends" who wasn't acting like a friend at all.  She didn't see it before but she really saw it last night.  This is really a friendship she needs to let go.  I hope that she is able to do so but part of me feels that she won't.  That would just be another loss.....at least I know she won't be back to spend the night.

Teen and one friend are now in the kitchen making chocolate chip pancakes.  The rest are asleep. 

On to the next adventure.

Teenagers

OK, fostering teenagers is hard.  Babies....well you always know where they are.  You have more control over the situation.  Of course once they become mobile then you have the worry of them getting bumps and bruises.

Teenagers do stupid things.  Unfortunately for some teenagers in foster care others are watching them waiting for failure.  Even when they do things that a typical parent would simply give a correction for.  My phone ran off the hook today because of some small mistakes on my teens part.  Things that I had already counselled her about.  Well, I got to talk to her again to reiterate what I had already told her.......and to let her know that many eyes are watching her.  She needs to be aware of that.

Friends!  Geez!  I knew that girls could be mean.  Really, Sarah is doing schooling at home because of bullying.  But to tell a kid who just went into foster care that you are mad at them "because they have changed"....seriously.  Who needs friends like that? Apparently teenage girls do.  Realizing that some of your friends are really not your friends is a hard thing to do.  I have been amazed and saddened by what I have seen among the girls.  Attempts to sabotage and add drama.  Crazy.

On a good note, my teen is preparing her very first sleepover this weekend. She spent time today cleaning up her bedroom and going through her clothing.  We will make a snack run so that we will be well stocked.  It is strange realizing that at the age of 16 she is having her first sleep over.  I am glad that I am able to give her the opportunity.

Other then some small glitches our teen is doing well.  She continues to be respectful in our home and is very pleasant to be around.  I hope that if this is a honeymoon phase that it lasts a really long time!

In Other News.....

Sarah finally decided that she wants to drive.

Two boys we knew were involved in fatal car accidents two years ago and Sarah wasn't too keen on learning how to driving.  She turns 18 in November and she determined that she was ready.

She passed her test and grinned for her learners permit.  Watch out, a new driver will be on the roads in South Carolina. (Anyone want to come over and show her how to drive?)

In adoption news, I received an email from our adoption worker today.  After spending months sitting on her supervisors desk, our homestudy got signed off on Monday.  I won't even tell you how many kids we are approved to adopt, it may make you faint!

We are in full swing with our schedule.  Larissa in dance and gymnastics.  Anthony in Boy Scouts and gymnastics.  The only time I really need a twin is on Thursday when I really need to be in two places at once.

John is still working in Augusta.  I worry about his long drive and really wish that he could find a job closer to home.  At some point he may do something drastic and quit.  That would make our budget really interesting.  I am going to school but feel like I can't finish quickly enough.  Some days I just want to quit school and find a job so he can just come home and not travel.  It gets so frustrating.  I know that we should just be glad that he has a job, but his safety is more important.  I fear that he will fall asleep on the drive.

Sarah is doing well with her online school.  Joselin is struggling but still trying.  Today we had an IEP meeting for Joselin.  The email I received said that we would meet today.  Silly me assumed we would meet in person so we drove in to the big city only to find out that we were supposed to meet online.  Like I said, silly me.  So we are rescheduling that meeting.

Anthony and Larissa are doing well.  So far no calls from the school regarding Anthony.  This is the longest period of time he has not gotten in trouble.  Of course, I am probably jinxing myself here and will receive a call tomorrow.

Jason is in college and honestly I have no idea how he is doing.  Tasha is in training in Texas.  She will get back and then have a short period of time before she has to leave for her deployment.  It will be a long year!

The new teen is doing well.  Tomorrow John and I are going up to the school to see where she stands in her classes.  We want to ensure that she is on target and if not how we can get her there. 

We are encountering some issues that we hadn't thought about which I will discuss in more detail tomorrow.

That is us in a nutshell.  Maintaining life and trudging along.