Wednesday, July 5, 2017


Well, Itty will be with us a while longer. Grandmother in state did not pass the homestudy so now they are looking at a grandmother out of state. Apparently they don't work with the state he will be going to too often and they are telling us that it could be anywhere between 6 and 12 months before he moves. He could be more than a year old and then move out of state into a home with someone he has never met. Honestly, that sucks. We love it when our foster kids can go to family but it shouldn't take so long if it is a good placement. Paperwork, ugh. The older he gets the harder it will be for him.

Our other two are getting moved Friday. Little man was supposed to go to a home that can devote more time to him and all the services he will need. That home wanted his sister as well and we can't blame them, we like to keep siblings together when possible ourselves. They asked if the foster mom could call me to prepare for them. I said of course and she did call.

She was asking me some questions that led me to ask if she had been fostering long. Nope, this is her first placement. Ugh. It is hard to express the challenges she will have with this little one. When you say if his feet touches the ground he runs, then people think that is normal toddler behavior. I took him to the doctors in an umbrella stroller. He pushed against the straps holding him in so hard that he got it loose enough that he could stand. He couldn't run because of the attached stroller. The doctor was watching him and said that he needs to always be in a stroller or buy a harness for him. I learned to have him in a stroller because of his hearing appointment. By time I left the office I was drenched in sweat. He doesn't want held and is constantly pushing against you and making his dissatisfied sounds. If you let him down he is gone, fast, and doesn't stop or look back. If someone opens a door he is running out of it. It is scary and tiring to run full speed through doctor offices.

We are still waiting on an appointment for the autism screening but every person who deals with children and delays express their opinion that he is on the spectrum. When I say that he has no words I was told by the foster mom that she was told he had delays in language. Yes, his sister has delays in her language. She has language and it is delayed. He has no language, he does not have a single word he uses, he does not point or in any way communicate what he wants. He will screech to let you know that he wants something but he doesn't give you a clue as to what that is.

When I talk of the challenges I can tell that I am not believed. I am not sure if it is the way I am communicating it or if they think that I am exaggerating the problems. It is frustrating. I hate to think that they will be moved around a lot because no one is prepared for his behaviors. We really don't like that they are being moved but for our family it is best. We have a large family and have to balance the needs of our kids against the needs of the foster children. We are not a therapeutic home or a medical home. We are prepared to deal with normal delays in regards to neglect. We are prepared to deal with certain behaviors but there are some that we cannot tolerate, harming children and animals in our home is one of them. Our first rule is do no harm to our children in the home. I am at peace with this move but it has taken me a while. It is hard. These decisions are not made lightly. Pray for our little ones, all of them, they are dealing with the consequences of their parents bad decisions, addictions, in all our foster children in our home at this time....meth.

1 comment:

  1. Yes! When I tell people about my current LO's behavior (18 months old) - tantrums, no language, running away, aggression - most say, "It's just a phase" or "It's that age!" NOOOO! I have been dealing with children for the last 30 years, and this is not normal!!
    I also understand the difficulty and guilt with asking for a child to be moved. I asked to have this one moved because of how aggressive he was to my other LO (who I have had since 6 wks old and waiting on TPR for adoption) - pulling hair, hitting, biting. I said I was willing to work through difficult behaviors, but not when it was affecting my other child like it was. Of course, as soon as I asked for new placement, the aggression mostly disappeared. So he will stay.