Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Folks.......It is Going to Break My Heart

Seven months ago he came into our home. Many days our house looks as though a toy factory had exploded.  The best toys make a lot of noise and batteries are bought in large quantities.

The carpet had to go, we can't do carpet.  Kids running through it after being in the pool, wet dogs, spilled food that isn't allowed all conspire against me.  Yes, we have exercise mats in our family room.

Little man does not like to sleep.  He likes to go, go and go.  His favorite thing to do is to climb these steps.  He can climb them VERY quickly.  He is sneaky that way.  We have learned that we can not close the door at the top. A closed door is not a deterrent to him.  He will stand at the top leaning against it.  I fear that he will fall back. I am looking at options for gating off these steps.  Tile on the floor and brick steps and walls make it a challenge.

He is growing up so fast.  He wants to walk so badly. It won't be long and he will be running.  I wonder if I will be there to see it.

He has also learned that I am mom.  He looks for me.  He cries for me when others are holding him.  My kisses are magical and clear up tears promptly.

I know him.  I love him and I know that when he leaves it will hurt. 

My fear is that it will hurt him more and he won't know where I have gone.  I call myself his mom but I am not, I am his foster mom.  His mom hasn't seen him since July.  Since she last saw him he has learned how to sit up, how to pull to a standing position, how to cruise, how to feed himself using his pincher grasp, how to cough socially, how to open drawers, how to climb steps.  When she decides to show up I wonder how he will react to her.  Will he remember that she is his mom?  Will he fuss to come to me?  I know that happens, it did with Larissa.

His mom has not contacted DSS since July.  I talked with her in August but since she never contacted DSS I have been told to stop contacting her.  Once I stopped initiating contact, she has made no attempt to contact me. She has not asked me how he is doing, to send her pictures or videos or whether she plans on showing up.  In all our foster cases this is my first one in which the mom just stops coming.  Every week we wait for DSS to call. I no longer take him up to visitation only to turn around and go home.  I now wait to see if she shows up and if she does I will take him in.  I have not received a call yet.

But, I know that next week it could change.  Right now mom has all the power.  She could start visiting and finish her care plan.  She can still get her child back.  It is all up to her.  All I can do is wait.

In the meantime, her son is growing up.


  1. Love, LOVE his red hair!! Praying for you and for him. His mom has no idea the precious memories she is missing. The waiting is so hard. Never knowing as you fall deeper in love what God will bring about in that little boy's life or yours. Just know that those of us who read your blog are here to support you and pray.

  2. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. Praying for you and for him.

  3. I think my phone ate my first comment. You could use an old baby crib, cut off legs and add hinges and a latch. Bigger kids could open it, but baby couldn't get to stairs. Ours is screwed to the wall so he can't knock it down (our babies love to shake it as hard as they can).