Earlier in the week Joselin spent the night at our house. She was in a mission to see what everyone wanted. I think that she also wanted to talk to me about her new boyfriend. The old Joselin would not have talked to me about her boyfriends.
I was driving her home and she told me that it feels like a dream. I asked what was a dream and she said her life right now. She said that she didn't ever believe that she would be living the life she is living right now. She has a normal boyfriend relationship, a new apartment where she could have her dog and most importantly she feels like a part of the family.
All the kids are questioning each other about what they want for Christmas. Packages are piling up under the tree. All the normal activity of a big family....and she is a participant in it all. In the past she was on the sidelines. She was moping and just never happy. Now I can see the happiness. The willingness to talk about stuff and confide in me.
We haven't always had this trust. It has taken so long to get to this point. Our troubles with communication started in Guatemala when we went to pick her up. The problems weren't because of the language differences, they were because of trust issues. When she met with her mom she was given a cell phone number. We didn't know this. We also didn't know that she lost it. We found that out about 2 years later when she was mad and yelling at me for taking her moms phone number. Huh??? We did not take the phone number. I never saw it and have no idea what happened to it. She didn't believe me. She had spent so much time being mad about it that she couldn't change direction. It took her a few more years to believe that I really didn't take it.
Without trust, building a relationship is very hard. When your child is unable to talk to you about things because she doesn't trust you then it the typical opportunities to build that relationship do not exist. We had many one sided conversations. On a few occasions she did open up to me then she retreated back. It was so frustrating.
So, yes, it does feel like a dream. After so many years of trying to build that relationship it has finally happened. Trust has finally happened and we can build from there.