Emma decided to have a tantrum tonight while I was out in the yard pulling weeds. Very bad timing on her part. She got to come and sit outside with me.
Screaming that she wants a new home fell on my deaf ears. A teen opened the door to complain that they could hear her in the back of the house. I told her to go and ignore it, I have it. Emma continued to scream and I continued to weed.
Then she was screaming about a spider, bugs and a mosquito. I continued to ignore and weed. Then she stopped. That actually got my attention because it had only been about 15 minutes. I guess screaming outside isn't much fun.
I had her follow me around and then she went inside with me. Maybe we need to go outside and weed every time she starts to scream.
I am sure that my neighbors heard her. Well, you know my motto - Stare if You Must.
Friday, April 20, 2012
The Heart of a Child
Lily, who really isn't named Lily and now wants to be called Michelle has a heart.
She has feelings.
She understands A LOT of what is going on.
She doesn't understand why.
Every time her sister screams she wants a new home, Michelle's heart drops. Every other time her sister has done this it has worked for her, they were moved. Dimples, who wants to be Emma, has always had the power to create a move. Michelle has been voiceless against it.
The other day Michelle told me that she doesn't want to go back to her biological parents, she wants us to adopt her. She wants to stay. She desperately wants a family.
Emma has no attachment. She has never had any attachment. Six months is about as long as Emma can stand staying in one home. Tantrums usually work, when they didn't then she tried harder. It still didn't work. Finally, I told Emma that Michelle wasn't going to move...period. I asked their social worker to reinforce that when they had their visit this week.
When the social worker talked to them Michelle felt that she was about to be told that she was moving. After all, that is how it has happened every other time. She cried and told the SW that she didn't want to go. She was told that she wasn't going to leave and finally she was told that her parents have not worked their plan and she would be adopted. This is the first time that they have been truthful with Michelle.
The truth....why is it denied to these girls. They are not told why their mom doesn't visit. They suspect and don't quite buy the car trouble story. Would the truth hurt? I told Michelle on the way home that their mom couldn't work her plan because she has some problems in her own life that are preventing her from being able to do what she needs to do. Michelle feels that it is because her mom doesn't want her. Wouldn't the truth be better then that. Should I tell her that the "problem" is a drug addiction? Maybe not now, but some day I think she deserves the truth.
I have heard the statement "in the best interest of the child". I have yet to see that played out in the foster care system. It is not about the best interest of the child, it is about parental rights. It doesn't matter that they refuse to take drug tests, that they gets arrested on drug charges, that they don't do a single thing on their plan....they still have their rights and can visit their kids. They can do the bare minimum (visiting) to keep their case going for years. In the meantime there is the child with the broken heart. The child with the confusion. The child without permanence. Without a family.
Every time I take pictures Michelle wants me to post her picture. She wants to know when we will be able to adopt her. She wants me to post her picture and declare that she is mine.
She has feelings.
She understands A LOT of what is going on.
She doesn't understand why.
Every time her sister screams she wants a new home, Michelle's heart drops. Every other time her sister has done this it has worked for her, they were moved. Dimples, who wants to be Emma, has always had the power to create a move. Michelle has been voiceless against it.
The other day Michelle told me that she doesn't want to go back to her biological parents, she wants us to adopt her. She wants to stay. She desperately wants a family.
Emma has no attachment. She has never had any attachment. Six months is about as long as Emma can stand staying in one home. Tantrums usually work, when they didn't then she tried harder. It still didn't work. Finally, I told Emma that Michelle wasn't going to move...period. I asked their social worker to reinforce that when they had their visit this week.
When the social worker talked to them Michelle felt that she was about to be told that she was moving. After all, that is how it has happened every other time. She cried and told the SW that she didn't want to go. She was told that she wasn't going to leave and finally she was told that her parents have not worked their plan and she would be adopted. This is the first time that they have been truthful with Michelle.
The truth....why is it denied to these girls. They are not told why their mom doesn't visit. They suspect and don't quite buy the car trouble story. Would the truth hurt? I told Michelle on the way home that their mom couldn't work her plan because she has some problems in her own life that are preventing her from being able to do what she needs to do. Michelle feels that it is because her mom doesn't want her. Wouldn't the truth be better then that. Should I tell her that the "problem" is a drug addiction? Maybe not now, but some day I think she deserves the truth.
I have heard the statement "in the best interest of the child". I have yet to see that played out in the foster care system. It is not about the best interest of the child, it is about parental rights. It doesn't matter that they refuse to take drug tests, that they gets arrested on drug charges, that they don't do a single thing on their plan....they still have their rights and can visit their kids. They can do the bare minimum (visiting) to keep their case going for years. In the meantime there is the child with the broken heart. The child with the confusion. The child without permanence. Without a family.
Every time I take pictures Michelle wants me to post her picture. She wants to know when we will be able to adopt her. She wants me to post her picture and declare that she is mine.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Social Security Office
Today we took a trip to our local social security office. My mom is not too fond on trying to get in the car but I told her we had to go. The last social security office I went to was in San Antonio. It is a totally different experience going to a social security office in a small town. There aren't rooms of waiting people ahead of you. Our county security office is one room with two workers. We had three customers ahead of us.....a busy day. I even ran into some DSS workers and had a discussion about my struggles with fingerprinting for my mom (it is a very small town).
The workers were much nicer in person then all the ones I talked to on the phone. I was shocked when I showed the worker what documentations I had and she took my moms Blue Cross/Blue Shield card. All the card has on it is her name and ID number. No birthdate, no social security number and no photo. Interesting. Since my mom had a payee before she has to have one now. My mom agreed to have me as her payee, which is convenient since I buy her what she needs. She even has a new social security card coming in the mail!
Some day she will start receiving her social security. Right now her account is frozen and only one past check has been returned. Once it is unfrozen she will start getting her monthly checks and whenever the back checks come in she will receive that money as well. Most importantly, they are going to send me a proof of income so I can apply for Medicaid for her.
To celebrate our successful trip to the social security office we went to San Jose for lunch. Sarah and Dimples came along for the ride.....actually Sarah came for the lunch. We had a nice meal, my mom hadn't eaten out like that for quite a while. Naturally when we got ready to leave it was pouring rain outside. We were in Tasha's car (there is no way my mom could climb up into my Sequoia) and she was nice enough to leave a military rain poncho in the trunk. I covered my mom in that and threw her into the car. Well, not quite threw but to her it might have felt that way, I was soaking wet and I didn't have a poncho.
It seems like I didn't get much else done today.
I did run to Lowe's to get a part for the dishwasher, tomorrow I will finish that installation. I also did play therapy with the girls today and went to my last Wednesday night class. Now I just need to finish my 15 page paper that I need to do for that class. Well, actually I need to start it. Procrastination is getting the best of me. Tomorrow is my last Thursday class and I need to finish a Wiki in there and write a paper. I have until the 29th to finish everything but I am trying to get motivated to finish early so I can have a longer break.
I am just so relieved that our visit to the social security office ended so well. Now on to the next challenge.......
The workers were much nicer in person then all the ones I talked to on the phone. I was shocked when I showed the worker what documentations I had and she took my moms Blue Cross/Blue Shield card. All the card has on it is her name and ID number. No birthdate, no social security number and no photo. Interesting. Since my mom had a payee before she has to have one now. My mom agreed to have me as her payee, which is convenient since I buy her what she needs. She even has a new social security card coming in the mail!
Some day she will start receiving her social security. Right now her account is frozen and only one past check has been returned. Once it is unfrozen she will start getting her monthly checks and whenever the back checks come in she will receive that money as well. Most importantly, they are going to send me a proof of income so I can apply for Medicaid for her.
To celebrate our successful trip to the social security office we went to San Jose for lunch. Sarah and Dimples came along for the ride.....actually Sarah came for the lunch. We had a nice meal, my mom hadn't eaten out like that for quite a while. Naturally when we got ready to leave it was pouring rain outside. We were in Tasha's car (there is no way my mom could climb up into my Sequoia) and she was nice enough to leave a military rain poncho in the trunk. I covered my mom in that and threw her into the car. Well, not quite threw but to her it might have felt that way, I was soaking wet and I didn't have a poncho.
It seems like I didn't get much else done today.
I did run to Lowe's to get a part for the dishwasher, tomorrow I will finish that installation. I also did play therapy with the girls today and went to my last Wednesday night class. Now I just need to finish my 15 page paper that I need to do for that class. Well, actually I need to start it. Procrastination is getting the best of me. Tomorrow is my last Thursday class and I need to finish a Wiki in there and write a paper. I have until the 29th to finish everything but I am trying to get motivated to finish early so I can have a longer break.
I am just so relieved that our visit to the social security office ended so well. Now on to the next challenge.......
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Lunch Again
I am not sure if Joselin is shrinking or if Larissa is growing!
We are still on relationship building. I was going to be in the area where Joselin is living today so I called to see if she wanted to do lunch. She seemed very excited and accepted the offer.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Selective Mutism - The Good News
I fought the medication for a long time. All the research I did for selective mutism said that the best option was anxiety medication. When you have a child already on meds you really don't like to add another one. We put if off. We tried positive behavior interventions, did a single case design study with very limited success (combined that with a school project). We have had her to a play therapist (worthless) and started her early in school and speech.
The early school with speech helped a little. By the end of last year we were able to get her to the point where she may respond to a direct question.....if she has known you for about 8 months. She still would not initiate conversation or even ask to go to the bathroom.
So, this past summer we took the big step and got Larissa medicated for anxiety. Guess what?! It worked. If you were to meet Larissa today you may think that she was a little shy, depending on the circumstances maybe not!
Yesterday her speech teacher called me to remind me of her IEP meeting on Monday. She seemed hesitant so I said what I thought she was planning on saying......I assume that we are going to be discontinuing services since she no longer needs speech. She seemed relieved and said that she felt that speech services were no longer needed. She also wanted to talk to me about Larissa's history. I guess she was surprised at Larissa's ability to talk given her diagnosis.
I told her about the accidents last year because she couldn't ask to go to the bathroom. How she couldn't initiate a conversation with an adult. How as a baby she never waved to people, never tried to gain their attention in any way. How we have had people ask if she had autism. What all we tried to help her. Then I told her the biggest change was after starting her on anxiety medication.
She told me that she had done research and found the same thing. Asked how I got her diagnosed and medicated. I gave her all my contacts. There aren't many out there familiar with SM. Then she told me that she has another student with SM and the description I gave her of Larissa last year fit this child. She couldn't tell me who the student was. I told her that she could feel free to give them my information if they needed any type of information. I do hope that they contact me. A year ago I wouldn't have pushed medication. However, after watching Larissa learn how to speak up for herself this year, I do suggest the use of anxiety medication.
So, do I say that she is now in selective mutism recovery?
I will be greatly pleased to go Monday and sign the papers taking Larissa out of speech.
The early school with speech helped a little. By the end of last year we were able to get her to the point where she may respond to a direct question.....if she has known you for about 8 months. She still would not initiate conversation or even ask to go to the bathroom.
So, this past summer we took the big step and got Larissa medicated for anxiety. Guess what?! It worked. If you were to meet Larissa today you may think that she was a little shy, depending on the circumstances maybe not!
Yesterday her speech teacher called me to remind me of her IEP meeting on Monday. She seemed hesitant so I said what I thought she was planning on saying......I assume that we are going to be discontinuing services since she no longer needs speech. She seemed relieved and said that she felt that speech services were no longer needed. She also wanted to talk to me about Larissa's history. I guess she was surprised at Larissa's ability to talk given her diagnosis.
I told her about the accidents last year because she couldn't ask to go to the bathroom. How she couldn't initiate a conversation with an adult. How as a baby she never waved to people, never tried to gain their attention in any way. How we have had people ask if she had autism. What all we tried to help her. Then I told her the biggest change was after starting her on anxiety medication.
She told me that she had done research and found the same thing. Asked how I got her diagnosed and medicated. I gave her all my contacts. There aren't many out there familiar with SM. Then she told me that she has another student with SM and the description I gave her of Larissa last year fit this child. She couldn't tell me who the student was. I told her that she could feel free to give them my information if they needed any type of information. I do hope that they contact me. A year ago I wouldn't have pushed medication. However, after watching Larissa learn how to speak up for herself this year, I do suggest the use of anxiety medication.
So, do I say that she is now in selective mutism recovery?
I will be greatly pleased to go Monday and sign the papers taking Larissa out of speech.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Back to the Beginning
Well, we are back at the beginning. Dimples has started her tantrums all over. Yesterday she tantrumed over a time out and today over bedtime. Feels like we have gone back 6 months.
I know it is because of her attachment issues. I know that she has moved to 7 different homes in the last 2 1/2 years. I know that she feels that it is time for a move. I know that she wants to make the decision about the move versus us.
When she tantrums she repeats over and over that she wants to go to a new home. A part of me says, so go. The better part of me says no.
I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to maintain your composure when a kid is screaming for hours over such minor things.....even when you know that in her mind it is something else.
She screams and yells so hard and so long that she turns red all over. Yesterday she finally tired herself out and fell asleep where she was sitting.......after 2 hours.
She wasn't too pleased since I made her sit in the kitchen with me. I cooked and she screamed a few feet away from me. Screaming that she wanted to go, that she wanted a new home, that she wanted to get away from me, for no one to look at her......over and over. Yes, it takes some patience.
My teens asked me tonight after another fine show of screaming if I was going to have her moved. They are tired. We are all tired. I explained to them the concept of control. She assumes that she will be moved and wants to control when it happens. Still, knowing that doesn't help in the middle of a meltdown.
Dimples screaming that she wants a new home doesn't help her sister. Her sister is well aware of why they have moved to so many different homes. She has no interest in moving. The anxiety that she feels when these meltdowns happen is obvious. She has been lied to by so many adults so it really doesn't matter what we say, it is the staying firm and staying the course that mean the difference.
So, tomorrow Dimples will get to sit next to me at church. I don't think that she needs to go to Sunday school class right now. We have our 2 year old back. I am hoping that this time around there will be a quicker improvement.
So please......Pray for us. Pray for the girls.
I know it is because of her attachment issues. I know that she has moved to 7 different homes in the last 2 1/2 years. I know that she feels that it is time for a move. I know that she wants to make the decision about the move versus us.
When she tantrums she repeats over and over that she wants to go to a new home. A part of me says, so go. The better part of me says no.
I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to maintain your composure when a kid is screaming for hours over such minor things.....even when you know that in her mind it is something else.
She screams and yells so hard and so long that she turns red all over. Yesterday she finally tired herself out and fell asleep where she was sitting.......after 2 hours.
She wasn't too pleased since I made her sit in the kitchen with me. I cooked and she screamed a few feet away from me. Screaming that she wanted to go, that she wanted a new home, that she wanted to get away from me, for no one to look at her......over and over. Yes, it takes some patience.
My teens asked me tonight after another fine show of screaming if I was going to have her moved. They are tired. We are all tired. I explained to them the concept of control. She assumes that she will be moved and wants to control when it happens. Still, knowing that doesn't help in the middle of a meltdown.
Dimples screaming that she wants a new home doesn't help her sister. Her sister is well aware of why they have moved to so many different homes. She has no interest in moving. The anxiety that she feels when these meltdowns happen is obvious. She has been lied to by so many adults so it really doesn't matter what we say, it is the staying firm and staying the course that mean the difference.
So, tomorrow Dimples will get to sit next to me at church. I don't think that she needs to go to Sunday school class right now. We have our 2 year old back. I am hoping that this time around there will be a quicker improvement.
So please......Pray for us. Pray for the girls.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Researching
To get a photo ID at the DMV here you need:
birth certificate
SS card
proof of residence
marriage license if your name is different then your name at birth
I don't have any of those but did order a birth certificate.
To get the SS card:
Birth certificate
current US drivers license or
passport or
state issued ID card
if you can't get one of the above mentioned photo ID's then they will accept -
employee ID card
school ID card
To get fingerprinted she needs a SS card and birth certificate
Uh, yea.
birth certificate
SS card
proof of residence
marriage license if your name is different then your name at birth
I don't have any of those but did order a birth certificate.
To get the SS card:
Birth certificate
current US drivers license or
passport or
state issued ID card
if you can't get one of the above mentioned photo ID's then they will accept -
employee ID card
school ID card
To get fingerprinted she needs a SS card and birth certificate
Uh, yea.
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