Many of you have never gotten "the look" from a child care provider. Yesterday I got "the look". Ewww, it wasn't pretty. She was so angry.....at Dimples. After a week of doing well at the playgroup Dimples has decided that she is comfortable enough to show them her true self. If she was told to do something, she did the opposite. Hitting, spitting, swearing.....she did it all.
Her behavior was so bad that she didn't get to go to dinner at Moe's. We went to Moe's because it is Sarah's second favorite place to eat and she won't have any until August. For the first time in a long time I got a babysitter for Dimples because I didn't feel that she was going to behave in public.
When I went to pick the kids up from their playgroup she was sitting on the wall pouting. When I told her it was time to go home she ignored me. When I picked her up she sat back down. When I picked her up again she started to sit down again but I stopped her by picking her up and putting her on my hip. This started the screaming. She screamed all the way to the car and on the drive home. Then she screamed on the couch for quite a while. By time she went to the babysitter she had stopped and asked me if I was coming back for her.
Today she gets to spend the day at home. She will get to spend it being bored. Hopefully tomorrow she will make better choices but somehow I don't have much confidence in her ability to behave once she has started to misbehave.
I hope that they enjoy the break at the playgroup.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Great Day
Last week my teens went to SummerSalt with our church.
(Sarah is the second person on those ropes).
We also sent our nephew Tylor who has been staying at our place the last month or two.
While there he made the decision to accept Christ. Today he was baptised at church.
So to celebrate Tylor's decision, Father's Day and Sarah's imminent departure for her mission trip we went to our favorite restaurant...San Jose.
They had to put three tables for our crowd.
Would you stare at this family?
Yep, great day to celebrate with an abundance of food that I didn't have to prepare.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Stay Clean
Directions to child.....you can play outside but stay clean because we are going to pick the teens up from church soon.
20 minutes later.....
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Good Evening
Every once in a while peace reigns. Yesterday I told the kids that we were going to do home movie night tonight. The activity was not dependent on good behavior. I picked up a new movie and we made popcorn. All the kids huddled on the couch and on laps and were calm. By the end of the movie the two youngest had fallen asleep.
It was a good evening. It felt good to have just a normal family time without fighting, screaming and hitting. I think that I will start movie night on Fridays and see how it goes. It was strange for me because I don't sit down and watch TV too often.
Now I am off to Walmart for cat food. It is an emergency, we are completely out.
It was a good evening. It felt good to have just a normal family time without fighting, screaming and hitting. I think that I will start movie night on Fridays and see how it goes. It was strange for me because I don't sit down and watch TV too often.
Now I am off to Walmart for cat food. It is an emergency, we are completely out.
Emotions
Last weekend was hard for me. I was really struggling with my emotions. We have had a number of folks tell us to have Dimples moved. That she is too difficult. That she should be a therapeutic home. That it is harmful to the other children. That it will be too hard.
When my therapist confirms what I already know.....that she has some pretty severe attachment issues. That maybe even more is going on with her. That it is going to take years to help her heal. That perhaps she might not ever heal.
I could call DSS and asked to have her moved. I could transfer the pain, the work, the unknown onto someone else. After all, many others already have. We are their 7th home. Their last home was an adoptive placement, they gave up after 3 weeks.
However, my husband and I read their report. We knew that she had attachment issues. We knew that they had been in many other homes.
We did not say, "let us try and if it gets too hard we will return them."
We said, "they will be our daughters."
You do not return a child because they are not what you expected. Because the world sees them as flawed. Because they are difficult to deal with.
So, yes, I struggled with my emotions over the weekend. I talked with my husband because it takes both parties to commit. Thankfully by Monday I was feeling recommitted and ready to stop the second guessing.
Time to get something done......
On Monday I called the state to put in a complaint on their case. Their case for TPR should have been filed months ago. It has been 7 months since they went to court to change to TPR. Seven months we have been waiting for the lawyer to submit the paperwork. She is supposed to do it within 60 days.
I left a voicemail and never heard back. I assumed that they were not going to do anything. Today I talked with our teens social worker and she said that the state had contacted them about us. They are looking into the girls case. I find it odd that they didn't contact me for more information but I am not complaining. If this can get the case moving forward then I am all for it.
So, please pray for the girls. Please pray that the lawyer puts in the paperwork so that they can get to court. Pray that they can get some permanency.
When my therapist confirms what I already know.....that she has some pretty severe attachment issues. That maybe even more is going on with her. That it is going to take years to help her heal. That perhaps she might not ever heal.
I could call DSS and asked to have her moved. I could transfer the pain, the work, the unknown onto someone else. After all, many others already have. We are their 7th home. Their last home was an adoptive placement, they gave up after 3 weeks.
However, my husband and I read their report. We knew that she had attachment issues. We knew that they had been in many other homes.
We did not say, "let us try and if it gets too hard we will return them."
We said, "they will be our daughters."
You do not return a child because they are not what you expected. Because the world sees them as flawed. Because they are difficult to deal with.
So, yes, I struggled with my emotions over the weekend. I talked with my husband because it takes both parties to commit. Thankfully by Monday I was feeling recommitted and ready to stop the second guessing.
Time to get something done......
On Monday I called the state to put in a complaint on their case. Their case for TPR should have been filed months ago. It has been 7 months since they went to court to change to TPR. Seven months we have been waiting for the lawyer to submit the paperwork. She is supposed to do it within 60 days.
I left a voicemail and never heard back. I assumed that they were not going to do anything. Today I talked with our teens social worker and she said that the state had contacted them about us. They are looking into the girls case. I find it odd that they didn't contact me for more information but I am not complaining. If this can get the case moving forward then I am all for it.
So, please pray for the girls. Please pray that the lawyer puts in the paperwork so that they can get to court. Pray that they can get some permanency.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Still Here
Taking two master level classes in the summer is crazy. Four weeks of intense studying. I am working very hard to control my tendency to procrastinate. Actually, one of the classes started a week late so he is giving assignment just about every night. Whew, I am keeping up but just barely.
I sent three teens (Sarah, my teen and our nephew Tylor) to camp with the church this week so no teens to help. Sarah leaves next Tuesday for her mission trip so we are having a garage sale this weekend to raise some funds. Nothing like last minute preparations.
On Monday all four of the little ones started going to a summer program with the local recreation department. The program is from 9-3 on Mon-Thurs. The USDA provides free lunches. The cost? Nothing! It is free, I mean actually free. I called to try and figure out the catch and there isn't one. They offer it at various schools in the area. Lucky for me it is at the school right around the corner from me. A bonus...the kids love it. I may just survive the summer.
I am going to be very busy the rest of the week with school, kids, decluttering, sewing up Sarah's pants for the mission trip, and trying to get stuff out for the garage sale. Wish someone lived close by to come sit with me during the sale! I love a garage sale (of course I prefer going to them, less work).
I am in the process of writing another post so I will post again tomorrow.
Have a great evening!
I sent three teens (Sarah, my teen and our nephew Tylor) to camp with the church this week so no teens to help. Sarah leaves next Tuesday for her mission trip so we are having a garage sale this weekend to raise some funds. Nothing like last minute preparations.
On Monday all four of the little ones started going to a summer program with the local recreation department. The program is from 9-3 on Mon-Thurs. The USDA provides free lunches. The cost? Nothing! It is free, I mean actually free. I called to try and figure out the catch and there isn't one. They offer it at various schools in the area. Lucky for me it is at the school right around the corner from me. A bonus...the kids love it. I may just survive the summer.
I am going to be very busy the rest of the week with school, kids, decluttering, sewing up Sarah's pants for the mission trip, and trying to get stuff out for the garage sale. Wish someone lived close by to come sit with me during the sale! I love a garage sale (of course I prefer going to them, less work).
I am in the process of writing another post so I will post again tomorrow.
Have a great evening!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Anthony
6 1/2 years ago we received Larissa as a foster child. Many kids came into care from the same home and siblings were separated. A month after receiving Larissa we were asked to take her brother. He was having behavior issues in the home and the foster parents wanted him removed.
He was 2 1/2 years old at the time. (And he loved the camera back then as much as he does now!)
He didn't really know that Larissa was his sister, she had been kept in a back room.
He came with a head full of hair that I cornrowed for 2 years. He also came with some serious delays and behavior challenges.
He has destroyed furniture, acted out in inappropriate ways for a 2 year old, tantrummed, was delayed in many ways, had no speech (since no one talked to him according to his mom) and tested in the intellectual disability range. His skin was in terrible shape and he had not been taught how to eat with utensils, sleep in a bed, use a potty....basically he was left to fend for himself.
The first few years were very difficult. Several times we almost called to have him moved but we just couldn't do it. It was hard but he did grow. He did stop tantrumming and other behaviors improved.
When he was little he feared a lot of things. He wouldn't go close to the water at the beach. Bugs scared him. Dogs scared him.
Over time he learned to love his sister.
He no longer tested as a child with intellectual disabilities.
He still loves to have his picture taken.
He has learned to play in the ocean now instead of fearing it.
He was 2 1/2 years old at the time. (And he loved the camera back then as much as he does now!)
He didn't really know that Larissa was his sister, she had been kept in a back room.
He came with a head full of hair that I cornrowed for 2 years. He also came with some serious delays and behavior challenges.
He has destroyed furniture, acted out in inappropriate ways for a 2 year old, tantrummed, was delayed in many ways, had no speech (since no one talked to him according to his mom) and tested in the intellectual disability range. His skin was in terrible shape and he had not been taught how to eat with utensils, sleep in a bed, use a potty....basically he was left to fend for himself.
The first few years were very difficult. Several times we almost called to have him moved but we just couldn't do it. It was hard but he did grow. He did stop tantrumming and other behaviors improved.
When he was little he feared a lot of things. He wouldn't go close to the water at the beach. Bugs scared him. Dogs scared him.
Over time he learned to love his sister.
He no longer tested as a child with intellectual disabilities.
He still loves to have his picture taken.
He has learned to play in the ocean now instead of fearing it.
Even though Anthony has learned how to live within a family, those years of neglect still impact him today. His defiance gets him into trouble frequently. Unfortunately, it also impacts his schooling. The last month of school he really struggled. Many days he would come home with his school work to complete and the art work he had done instead attached to his behavior chart. He does have more green days a week then red. But, it is infrequent for him to go a week with out a problem at school. His defiance is what gets him into trouble the most.
I don't know why I don't write about the school issues. I think because it just keeps repeating itself every week and I am sure that folks don't want to hear about my weekly frustrations....over and over!
A few weeks ago we had planned on moving him over to one of the bedrooms where all the other kids are. I started decorating the room in Marvel comics (his choice) then some of his old behaviors resurfaced. We put in a camera upstairs but I didn't feel that I could appropriately monitor it all night so for now we are not moving him. It seems like just when you think that you have a behavior under control it rears it's ugly head again.
Thankfully he is not defiant with me. If he is with me he does great. He also does great with his dad. I just wish that we could transfer that to his school, church and the teens when they babysit. Just recently the church told us that he had gotten so bad with not listening to them that they don't even tell him to do anything anymore. He got to sit with us in church for that. I can't have him with me at all times. I think that defiance is my biggest area of frustration.
John has started taking him to some of his activities. Anthony is in charge of trash duties and gets to go to the dump with his dad. He also got some hearing protection of his own and goes to the shooting range. Today the two men went to the VA and then to a gun show. Anthony came home with a new Army hat. (John doesn't do pictures so I never get pictures of the men's activities!) Anthony loves doing stuff with his dad.
Anthony does get tired of being the only boy in the house. He has asked for a brother. I can understand his position, he is surrounded by dolls and Barbies. However, our hands are just a little full right now with the ones we have.
I do get frustrated with the behaviors that just won't stop. It has been more then 6 years since he came into our home. However, visitations lasted for 3 years and those really hampered him and his behaviors.
When I look back to the beginning I can see how much he has improved. He has come so far and overcome a lot. That little wild child is gone. He no longer destroys things, instead he prefers to build and create things. He does have compassion and empathy. He has the potential to reach his dreams and the love and support of a family to help him get there.
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