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It was a good day here. No major melt downs or tantrums.

Sarah and our teen were packing for a weekend of church activities.  They will be gone until Sunday so it will be interesting around here with only little ones.

After dinner I was sitting on the floor coloring with the girls.  I came to realize that my lap is prime real estate.  First one girl would sit on my lap for a while.  As soon as she got up another girl would come and sit.  This went on for quite a while...three girls trying to claim that spot.  I am surprised that any coloring got done.

Shortly after that I left to go drop the girls off at church.  For some reason Lily was crying about this.  I don't know if it was the girls leaving or me leaving to take them, she couldn't say.  I am not even going to guess, perhaps it was both.

What was Anthony doing during that time?

He got this from Santa yesterday.  I would have to estimate that he spent 4 hours working on this today.  He worked very hard at following the directions.  We finally had to send him off to bed, he would have worked on the next one all night if allowed.

He definitely takes after his momma, loves to create.  It gets it from his biodad too, he carves beautiful canes that he sells.  I really need to buy two off of him for the kids.  Maybe I will stop at the park and talk to him one day before Christmas.

Tomorrow we are heading out to a gun show.  John wants some old Russian rifle for Christmas.  I am not going to even try and guess on that one!

Off to bed to read again.  Have a great evening.

(Tasha is in Kuwait and I have an address.  If anyone wants to write her email me)

The Neighbor Kid

The girls had a little neighbor kid over to play

She asked the new girls who they were.

Larissa said that they were her sisters.

The little neighbor girl said that wasn't possible because they aren't the same color.

They didn't agree.

Our Life - The Outtakes

Do you ever wonder what doesn't get posted on my blog?  I mean, I don't tell everything, actually, I can't tell everything.  For the most part we are just everyday boring folks with busy lives.  I try to give a pretty accurate accounting of our trials and joys.

Tonight DSS had a little party for the kids.  All the kids get one gift, even siblings of foster kids.  Dinner is served so we were there.  If I don't have to cook I am delighted.  Of course, the kids came for the gift.

John even got picked to do Santa duty.....all our kids knew who Santa was.

Anthony and Larissa got to see their other brother.

How we disguise presents around here.  You can't just get a gift card....

My emergency door alarm before I could get out and buy something more permanent for the door.  (A travel alarm and it worked great)  Please ignore the dirty door and the sticker.

Tasha sent me flowers on the day she left for overseas.   sniff: sniff

Normally I let the kids wear whatever they want.  However, on this day we were heading to church and I asked Larissa to rethink her outfit.

Anthony has such a huge grin it shines in the flash.

Sometimes we just don't know. (She will not be happy with me one day!)

Momma on watch.

If you have ever dealt with this hair type, you would know why I do not like kids playing in the dirt and leaves.  I was guilty of telling the girls that there were bugs in all that stuff.....yep, and I hope it prevents another dirt, leaf head episode.

And how was your week?

Christmas Break

I took my last final and have a few weeks of free time until next semester.  Part of me feels that I need to take time off but another needs to finish.  I am afraid that if I pause then I may never finish.

I have gotten even meaner in the last few days.  The girls now have door alarms and they work great....as long as they are set.  The time for going into Larissa's bedroom was between 3 and 5 am so I was allowing the door to be cracked while they fell asleep.  Dimples has a huge fit when her door is closed.  Well, that little bit was taken away when I got called upstairs the other night by a teen who found Dimples in Larissa's bed and Lily running out.  Dimples had gone past me studying and went upstairs.  She blamed Larissa but it was a lost cause since Larissa was sound asleep.  Apparently Larissa dragged her up the stairs.  So, new rule is door shut and alarmed at bedtime, period. It seems like every little bit of kindness gets thrown in my face.

The next day Lily knew that she was in trouble.  She was doing all the little peace keeping things....love notes and such. Dimples....nothing.  She shows no remorse for anything she does.  She doesn't understand consequences.

Today I went in search of an appointment with a therapist.  I talked to their adoption worker and explained the lack of remorse, lies, clingy and then pushing away behaviors.  I told her we are dealing with serious attachment issues with this one.  She has someone who deals with attachment issues and I decided to go there even though it is going to be a hike for me.  We gave up on the first therapist and have an appointment with another one who knows attachment issues.  Next week I will be driving through an area called malfunction junction right at high traffic time.  I can't hardly wait!

I am also reading a book that was suggested to me called Attaching in Adoption.  So far it is similar to the things I have read previously, but I haven gotten too far into it yet.  The thing is, it is easy to read these things and another to apply them when the child(ren) are acting out right in your face.  Especially if you are tired and frustrated.  I am not a saint, I have gotten mad. 

My main concern is to protect my other kids in the home.  For specific reasons Lily is not allowed outside with Anthony and Dimples is not allowed outside without an adult.  Lily and Dimples are not allowed to go upstairs to play with Larissa.  Dimples has 3 year old privileges at home.  I don't let her out of my sight.  It gets exhausting.

Not every day and every moment is frustrating.  Today was a good day.  No tantrums, no major testing, no big fights among kids, even minimum tattling.  I think that the big difference is that Dimples is now in daycare.  I had to do it even though I feel like it hampers attachment.  I couldn't finish my semester without it.  Also, Dimples waited all day for her siblings to get home and then she totally smothered them as soon as they walked in the door.  They wanted rest and she wanted stimulation.  It was driving everyone crazy.  Now I pick Dimples up after the kids have finished their homework (another problem area) and when she gets home that are all on the same energy level. 

Next year Dimples will be in kindergarten so that will work out well.  She missed the cut off date by 8 days.  Larissa missed it by 17 days.  Next year the kids will be in K, 1, 2 and 3rd grades, then there is the high schooler.  We tried to fill that gap and didn't have much success. 

I hope to take full advantage of my break. Santa has some project plans and needs to get to work before the kids are out of school.  I shall be busy, but a fun busy.  I need to work with my teen on cookie baking too.  Yep, lots to do and little time to do them in.  What a blessing.

(Anyone have some good cookie recipes I should teach my teen?)

What is foster care?

From SC DSS:

Foster care is the temporary care of children whose families are having problems and the child can not safely remain in the home. Children, in the legal custody of the Department of social Services, are placed in a licensed foster home or group care facility that can best meet their needs while their parents work with the Department to resolve their problems.



Yep, foster care is meant to be temporary.  It is not supposed to be long term.  When we started foster care we did it with the intention of helping children and families in need.  After adopting internationally we felt that we should contribute locally.

When we received Anthony and Larissa we were told that they would be a short term placements.  They didn't have to do much...just jobs and housing.  Well, when you have other issues involved, something that seems easy is not so.  Three years later the kids got TPR and shortly after that we became parents to 7 kids, which we thought was plenty.

Life has a funny way of showing us that we know nothing.  After continuing to be foster parents we figured that we needed more stability for the two youngest so we did a homestudy for adopting from foster care.  Many foster children are adopted by their foster parents if they do receive TPR.  So we knew that if we did straight adoption we would probably receive children who are more difficult to handle.

While waiting for our homestudy to be completed we got a call for a teen foster child.  We don't normally take teens.  They told us that she was a runner and wouldn't stay.  Hmmmmm, not quite.  That teen has stuck like glue and wants a family.

Naturally it was then that we received a call for two girls.  Whew, they had 6 other placements.  We knew that this was going to be a challenge.  They also do not have TPR so it was a legally risky placement as well.

So, right now we sit with three kids in our home, none of them with TPR and all of them needing adopted.  Are you doing the math?  If we do adopt all that would put us at 10 kids.  I would have never imagined.  I used to tease my husband about cheaper by the dozen.....not any more!  If I mentioned dozen to him now he just might find a deserted island.

All this to say that we don't look at foster care as a sure bet to adoption.  When we receive our foster children we try to work with the parents.  We try to help with reunification.  Some parents have wanted help.  Some have allowed us to mentor and they have gotten their children back.  They worked hard to correct whatever needed correcting.

I posted my last blog post on my facebook.  One of my parents responded:
 "Felicia i still admire you till this day and i thank God that you and John ended up with my kids when they wound up in foster care you two are thegreatest in the world not only did you take them in but kept them together and went beyond all measures to make sure i as a mother didnt lose faith or strenghth i needed to get them back i still think the policy of 1 visit every 2 weeks sucks but thank goodness for mcdonalds and thank God for you"

Those words mean a lot to me.  they show what an impact we foster parents can have.  It is possible for parents to learn new skills and take care of their children.  When parents are able to make the needed changes, it is in the best interest of the children.

It is about the children after all, not our wants and desires to adopt.

Apparently........We are Crazy

This morning my husband and I were discussing some issues about our children when he told me that he works with people who thinks we were crazy.  Sarah is our youngest biological child.  If we had never pursued adoption then we would be free. 

Yes, I guess we could go see a few more movies, maybe go out to eat more.  But really, free to do what?  To indulge our desires and wants?  To sleep in and close our eyes to the need?  Is that what we are meant to do, self-indulge?

There will come a day that I will rest.  One day my job here on Earth will be done.  I hope to leave this life with little regrets.  I would rather leave tired and weary from trying to help a child versus having not tried at all.  I may make mistakes and fall short, but I try and try again.

My days are full.  Full of conflict and frustration.  However, they are also full of joy and love.  It is possible to live with both. 

If we don't do it, then who will?

Matthew 25:35-40

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

35 For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 38 And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’

Our Teen

Two of our daughters you can't see yet.

It was pointed out to me that I haven't posted much about our teen.  Ha, she is 16, what can I say!  Drama, drama, drama.  It seems like teen girls can be the meanest people around when they put their minds to it.  Our teen has struggled since she came with her "friends".  When she first came into care one of them was quite blunt and told her Several times that she had changed....and she didn't mean it in a nice way.  Of course she has changed,  she is no longer in an abusive situation.  You would think that they would be happy for her but some of them just aren't.  I don't understand it.  I think it is because they enjoyed her drama.  Now that it is gone they create it on other ways.

Lately she has been having a lot of problems academically and socially.  We are frustrated about the academics and don't know how to motivate her in that area. It is quite possible that she will start doing the program that Sarah is doing from home.  She has asked for it for quite some time now.  I hope that if it gets approved that she will be able to step up and do what she needs to do.

I really need to get her in the kitchen more.  She burnt the cookies because they were still soft.  The burning smell didn't give her a clue.  She wondered how long to bake the rice crispy treats for.....yep, she definitely needs to cook more.

She gets along well with Sarah is is learning how to have A LOT of siblings around.  She volunteers at church and enjoys the youth group. 

She still  has not had any visits.  Nope, not one.  Nothing is happening with the case.  Right now it is a waiting game. 

Overall, she is doing well.  We have our frustrating moments and our good moments....about par for a teenager.