Racism in the Child

I have given a quick overview of our Guatemalan adoption but feel the need to put a little different slant on it...racism. Racism on Joselin's part. Racism that prevented her from really accepting us as her family.

For a year we held on to pictures of our soon to be daughter. It is hard to describe how much you can fall in love with a child that you have not even met. Our daughter Joselin was supposed to be 7 and turned 8 during the wait. We talked to her on the phone and sent care packages. Our family was so excited to finally receive the call to travel to Guatemala to bring our child home.

We were aware of older child adoption issues, attachment, educational, cultural, abuse issues. We studied it all, we prepared our family as best as we could. We travelled to Guatemala with the children in the home at that time. It was an exciting and scary time. We found out very quickly that Joselin was not 8 but instead was at least 11 years old. Regardless, she was our daughter. We completed our paperwork and brought her home.

There were early warning signs. She mentioned that her grandmother didn't like white people. We talked about racism, we fostered children of all races, we encouraged her to talk to us.

However, she had a hard time opening up to us. The times she would talk to me were rare. She chose her friends to confide in. She refused to talk with the therapist. She bullied Sarah and stole from everyone. She pouted when everyone else was having fun. Her heart was hardened.

For six years we tried to soften her heart. For six years we prayed for healing. For six years we developed memories and showed her how a family loved.

Isn't she beautiful?

Just a short time ago she went to go live with a friend of the family. She is attending a special school program that is better equipped to help her with her educational deficits. She is happy. Happy that she no longer has to try and work at being a part of our family.

The night before she left she finally talked to me. We talked until 4 in the morning. We talked about many things but the thing that saddened me the most was her admission that she didn't like white people. She says that she is working on it. She admitted that she worked hard to stay on the outside of the family and wondered how she would be doing if she had worked just as hard on being a part of it.

At school they studied the book To Kill a Mockingbird, it made her realize that she is racist and that it is not a nice thing. All our talking did nothing but a book made her think. Will she be able to change? Will she be able to let go of her racism? I don't know but I pray that she does.

Why was she so racist? The answer is with Guatemala. Guatemala is pretty much made up of the indigenous peoples (Mayan Indian) and the ladinos (European or mixed indigenous descent). You can look back in history to when the Spanish conquered the Mayan empire to see the beginnings of turmoil in that region.

Joselin is of Mayan descent. When she first came she talked of ladinos as being white. She talked of the terror of leaving your home or being shot at times of conflict, stories from her grandma. The hatred was strong.

We prepared for many issues but never really considered that she would totally reject us based on race. Oh, we did talk about race and issues connected with it. We realized that there would be challenges. Yes, we were totally unprepared for the extent of the challenges. we didn't realize that overcoming a racist heart could be so difficult.

I feel that racism may have cost us a daughter, time will tell. I love her and hold out hope that one day she will come home to be a part of her family.

Our Guatemala Adoption

At some point in our lives we decided that we had room in our hearts for another child. We had four biological children at the time, three of them living at home. We did the usual searches trying to decide which country to adopt from. In some cases we were limited because we already had children. In the end we chose Guatemala. At first we were like many other families and wanted a baby. However, after starting the long paperwork process we decided that we would try to adopt an older child. This led us to the referral of our daughter Joselin.

We were told that she was 7 years old and her mother had relinquished her. This was good because Sarah was 9 at the time and we did not want to twin her with a new child. We had completed all our paperwork and now we got to wait and wait and wait. During the process adoptions stopped in Guatemala and started back up. It seemed like forever to us but when I see how long some other countries are I realize that it wasn't that long. We sent down packages and talked with her on the phone.

Finally, on Sept 2003 we got the call that we could go and pick up Joselin. We took the kids and travelled to Guatemala City to the hogar that Joselin was staying in. I can't begin to describe the feelings you have when you have been anticipating the day you get to hug your child.

We did have some surprises. A big one was that Joselin was not 8 now as we thought but more like 10 or 11. This put her just a little older then Sarah and has actually caused issues for years. We were able to meet with her biological mother and get pictures which is a benefit for Joselin.

Joselin's story and adaption to our family is a long one that I have written about elsewhere. It is not all happily ever after, nor is it a nightmare. We are still struggling today to help her overcome the trauma of her first 10 years. It is hard, there is not a quick and easy fix, it takes time. She came at the age of 10 with no education and only speaking Spanish. Today she is literate in both languages but is still quite a bit behind her peers educationally. She has issues with learning how to live within a family. She told me that she wanted a family for a long time and then once she got one she didn't know what to do with it. She doesn't trust men and it has hampered her relationship with her dad. She says that for a long time she struggled because she was racist and we were white. We have dealt with lying, stealing, manipulation, anger, boy issues and just about anything else adoption related you can think about. However, she is loved and does love. She realized that I was actually her mom the day I stood up to her bullier face to face and she feared for my safety.

Her biological mother told her to go back to Guatemala when she was 16 years old and to support her. We didn't know that until she told me years later. Her mother gave her up for adoption but then didn't give her the tools to accept it.

In February she moved in with a family friend in another state. This was a very hard decision for us. Regular school has just gotten too difficult for her and she wanted to quit. She is with our friend persuing an alternate GED program that they have available for 16 year olds. Amazing how different states have different age requirements for GED programs.

We still hope and pray for healing for Joselin. We hope that one day she will be able to move forward and learn acceptance, that perhaps she can let go of some of the anger. There is hope because she has learned to love, to accept me as mom.