Thursday, January 31, 2019

Child Update 2

Our little man. Came into our home at 2 months old, he was born a normal birth weight yet hadn't gained a pound in his first two months of life. Sadly he had also stopped crying. Meth exposure both before and after birth. He hasn't had a visit since he was about 5 months old as his parents moved out of state.

He finally got his case moved to TPR and we wait for publishing and his TPR hearing. The courts are so overwhelmed, they can't tell us when that will be.

We had figured that Benjamin would always be our baby. We have had a lot of discussions about adopting our little man. A big concern has been his tendency towards hurting others. Benjamin has been his biggest target. Benjamin has may bite marks and bruises from thrown toys. We have been very frustrated trying to prevent Benjamin and others from getting hurt. He doesn't just bite or throw stuff when mad or frustrated, he seems to enjoy the reactions that they generate.

We have also grown concerned because of his lack of speech. We have had him tested and he is on target in all ways except for expressive language.  We are hoping that this delay is part of the reason for his aggression. He has qualified for services because the gap between his expressive and receptive language is so large.

When little man came to us he had no attachment, he didn't cry because he didn't expect an adult to answer him. We worked hard on attachment.  We achieved attachment. His strongest attachment is with me. His comfort zone is his home.

We aren't sure what the impacts of his drug exposure will be. We don't know why he isn't talking. He literally has a handful of words. His Babynet tester had a good laugh when I told her that he did use a two syllable word.....butter. Yes, he loves butter and will use that word. His main other words are bye, ba and mom. He will not copy us when talking, any suggestions to get him to mimic would be great!

Morning cuddles and cartoons on the couch are his favorite things.

Recently little man had a change in social workers. When the new one came on board I told her of the challenges that we were having. Her first response was to ask if we wanted him moved. We said no. Our biggest fear for him would be what happened with Emma and Michelle. Emma was about the age that little man is now when they came into care. Her behaviors got her moved and moved often. If little man were to go through that I don't think he would fair well at all. We also have the option of transitioning him to an adoptive placement or putting in to adopt him ourselves. 

That decision has been hard. Are we selfish to adopt? Are we cruel to move him from the home that he has attached to? Our lives are getting more complicated with the older kids so are we prepared to raise a toddler again? Are we too old? Our hearts say adopt, our brain has said not to. In the end we have decided to do the paperwork to adopt. We feel that it is in his best interest to maintain stability. We feel that it is in his best interest. 

So we are filling out the paperwork. Looking at renewing our license because this case won't be finished by time it needs to be renewed. We are terribly behind in hours. But.....this is our last child!


  1. Does he like music? If he does, I wonder if he would repeat singing? Do you as a family sing out loud?

    Does he like play phones?

  2. Just wondering, how many times have you said "last child"?
    State seems to have just dropped us.