Kids update continued

Some updates are easy, typical life. Some are harder and more difficult when determining what to say.  Next kid is Michelle. She will be 15 later this month! Hard for me to believe that. We have been struggling for so long. We have been to two different therapists and I requested in school therapy right before the covid stopped schools. The lies continue. Hard to explain, she seems to enjoy putting her siblings down to elevate herself with others. Does that make sense? She exaggerates what she knows to appear knowledgeable. She says she doesn’t recognize when she embarrasses others because she doesn’t feel embarrassed. She gets on the bus and announces to everyone that out new placements are foster kids. She has done that after we have asked her to stop. Larissa didn’t go to youth at the church for a long time because Michelle would go up to her and say stuff to embarrass her.

We didn’t take her on the last cruise because of behaviors on the first cruise. Michelle acknowledges that none of the kids would talk with Larissa because of things she said. Larissa made friends on the last cruise that she still talks with today. She also doesn’t respect Sarah at all and she is the adult in the cabin. We hope to cruise next summer and she is on it but if a choice we’re to be made today she wouldn’t be going.

On a positive note, Larissa and our teen have a great relationship and Michelle has noticed that. Michelle wants that relationship. At first she tried to get it by taking advantage when the girls had a disagreement. She would tell each kid things to try and further separate them then try to get close to one of them. They finally saw that pattern and learned to fix their disagreements. As they got closer Michelle got more spiteful. It all came to a head and we had a long talk about it. Michelle admitted to so many of the things she had done and begged to be in a relationship with them. Larissa is trying but struggles. Years of pain from that relationship make it hard. But, there are bigger blocks of getting along and working together. Old habits are hard to break though so I often feel like a therapist as I try to help them navigate relationships with lots of hurt in the past. Regardless, it is nice to see Michelle want that relationship. She speaks to me of retreat for all that lost time. She says she wants to be like most of our grown kids, there for each other. She does have empathy and loves others, she just needs to learn how to apply it to help build positive relationships.