Lately it seems like I have been going in circles. I have no motivation to accomplish anything and I am stressing over our budget, my messy house, life in general. Has anyone noticed how high the cost of food has gotten? We used to spend $2000/month in groceries and home supplies and now it has risen. Then it just seems like when you are pinching pennies everything that can break down will.
My pool turned green quickly and I realized that my saltwater chlorinator went out. Our local pool company wanted $1200 to replace it. Amazon wanted a little over $600 for the part. It is easy to put in yourself.
When I replaced the part I added a gallon of liquid chlorine to boost it, 24 hours later we had a almost blue pool.
We have offset the budget by deciding to drive to Dallas. After Larissa and I are finished in Dallas we are going to drive to Bryan to meet up with my brothers and place my moms ashes with her parents. We had thought about taking everyone but decided that it wouldn't be possible and some of the kids wouldn't care anyways.
Tomorrow we leave to go to Great Wolf Lodge. This is a trip we had planned back in February and had to cancel because Benjamin got sick. If we didn't reschedule by a certain date then we would have lost the money we had to put down. Thankfully this short trip is already paid for so it will be just a gas and food budget. Sadly Michelle and Emma are not going. I had planned on them going and when it became apparent that they couldn't we have added some friends to the trip.
Right now I am really struggling with Michelle. Her comments to everyone are mean and she is so mouthy. When I was telling all the kids that my mom had passed Larissa and Benjamin cried, Emma gave me a hug and Michelle said with much disdain, "you mean there is a dead body in the house?!". Yea, didn't go over too well. She seems to do everything possible to push people away but then doesn't understand why she doesn't have any relationship with any of her siblings. The newest foster kid gets along with everyone else and it is obvious that it bothers her. She says very mean things to him and told him that she hopes we don't adopt him. He has expressed his desire to be adopted to everyone so she knows it bothers him.
Anyone else dealing with a kid who is so mean spirited? I have tried talking with her about her relationships but she walks away and blames her lack of relationships on everyone else. She talks so mean to everyone and when she walks in the door she tries to get people fighting. On top of the mean and disrespectful talk her lying has really driven a wedge between us. When I say that she has lied to me every single day for the last 7 years, I am not exaggerating. Well, a little, she didn't lie to me the few days that John and I went on a little trip together. However, she was caught lying to the friend who cared for her. I have had her to a couple of different therapists and nothing has changed. I don't think anything will change until she sees a need for change. Right now she acts as though she doesn't need us and she plans on joining the army when she graduates. I do hope that she graduates and is able to join the army but I feel that she will always struggle with close relationships.
It is getting late here and I should go to bed, I haven't packed yet so goodnight everyone!
Jeff joined the army and has done well there because he can form that kind of superficial relationship. But has nothing to do with us at all.
ReplyDeleteThe parents of the newest resident at Blue Sky did a Gofundme and a couple other fundraisers to afford getting him some therapy there. Even if you could only raise enough to send her for a few months, that would be a few months of work she would get in and a few months of a breather with you. And who knows what differences you might see in Emma if SHE got a break from Michelle? Just an idea. I know it's hard and there are no easy answers. YOU are doing an amazing job, even if you feel like you aren't.
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