I am on a mission to look for resources for our friends this week. I was shocked this weekend when they brought home a new puppy. My first thought was how are they going to feed him. Then I worried about parvo. Our puppy doesn't have all his shots yet and doesn't get his next ones until the 27th. What if this dog makes mine sick. Then I realized that the new dog has fleas and isn't house broken. I don't understand how someone can bring a dog into a home where they are guests. I almost cried. It was too much.
I feel stretched financially, emotionally and feel the stress of being responsible for way too many people and pets. Our friends don't know how to conserve. If the food is in the house, they will eat it....nonstop. Last month we went through 25 pounds of sugar alone! We normally don't use 5 pounds a month. I have stopped buying a lot of my favorite items because food items that used to last a bit only last a day. I can't keep up and they are complaining about gaining weight.
They receive food stamps but go through them quickly. They buy food items that I can't afford! Naturally they go through them fast. I guess that they can when I am buying groceries to supplement. Honestly, it is as though they don't contribute at all because the amount that they consume is more than the value that they bring in on their food stamps.
Yet, we invited this into our home. We just didn't realize how different our core values are. We didn't expect that they would show so little respect for our home and values. We had church friends over today and my friend sat there cussing and talking trash the entire time. Then she embarrassed one of our guests. I winced every time she opened her mouth. She doesn't normally talk that way so I don't know what was up that that. I will talk to her about it tomorrow but I feel that it will not go anywhere. Either way, I am looking for resources. Something has to change. This is spring break, all the kids will be home all day/all week. Pray for us!
Oh dear. I have helped out friends in the past, too...it can be rough, even when you see eye-to-eye on things. I would simply hand them a list of shelters in the area and tell them they need to go by the end of the day. As harsh as that sounds, they seem so chaotic, that it wouldn't even matter if you gave them three hours, three days, or three months. Where you or I would be reeling to gather ourselves out in a day, they don't operate like that. I am pretty sure, if you give them "time" to change (they won't), they will continue to take advantage of you.
ReplyDeleteSome prey on the kindness of others, even unintentionally. Make your boundaries and be absolute.
I'm sorry this has happened!!
We do realize that they need to move on, however, Neither of us can tell them that! Guess we are wimps. I think that something will happen to make me finally do that.
DeleteThe dog was real close!
DeleteMaybe you need to post rules and if they don't follow them, point to the door???? You're doing this with nothing in return so showing a little respect isn't too much to expect.
ReplyDeleteOooh....Praying for courage for you. It's time for things for change.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, we invited my sister and her three kids to come stay with us for a few weeks while she worked on finding a job and a place to live. It was the same sort of situation, where she didn't respect our house, or our rules, and we were constantly upset. After a few months (yes, we were crazy) I finally had to have that talk. We did give her a few weeks to find a place, but I had finally had it. You aren't doing it just for you or your house, but you also have children that you need to think about. It was the worst feeling in the world to confront her, but my kids were suffering because of her being there. That was the thing that finally helped me to go through with it. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that and man it is hard because I too am a "helper" and I forget that some people won't utilize the help as they should. I agree rules are needed with the first one being the dog has to go back where it came from. The animal rescuer in me cringes typing that but honestly the dog isn't in a good "home" with them once they go. Then write specific rules to follow...ask before taking food not bought themselves, clean up every night after themselves and their children, children will be disciplined by you if needed, no cussing at all in your home ever, etc. Then establish a timeline for them to go. They can look on Craigslist for places to rent or even a cheap mobile home to rent near their jobs. Writing it down first and then calling a meeting will help the "wimp" in you be more assertive. It did for me anyway. :-)
ReplyDeleteI read this on another blog, and thought of you (she is also caring for a mother and children):
ReplyDelete"She's teaching the kids to do chores and bake potatoes and as well as having worship with them and teaching mom to depend on God for strength. I'm concerned that we don't become enablers. The line between that and helping is a fine one. She's not stable, or consistent. She wants help and then she resists new ideas. She's very sick. We need to be cautious and wise. This is bigger than we are.
Felicia, you were on my heart today. Praying for you and your husband and all of your kiddos.
ReplyDeleteHow are you? Congrats on the new grandbaby coming soon!
ReplyDelete