Packed

Our baby is all packed (we packed his Christmas gifts too as we never opened them because we have too many toys!) We are excited for his parents as the court is sending him home. As foster parents we have done our job. We have loved him and encouraged his parents. He is well attached so he will attach quickly to his family. Although we are happy for him, we are sad too. We loved that little one and he loved us back, just such a sweet baby.

This case has really bothered us. We really felt he should have never been in care in the first place. Dss didn’t even go to trial, they agreed to send him home because the charges were unfounded! Unfounded? That family missed most their child’s first year because they couldn’t get heard in court. It is just crazy to me. Our little man has a court hearing in that same courtroom later this month for TPR pretrial. I wonder if it will be heard. I wonder how long it will take to finish a case where the parents left the state almost 2 years ago and have never been back and rarely talked with DSS.  Our other foster son is in the same county.

It is strange tonight, no mom to change and give a bedtime snack, no baby to change and give a bedtime bottle. So much change this week and it will take some adjustment!

I am laying here in bed with Benjamin nearby thinking about a baby in another home and hoping that he is sleeping well.

Goodnight all

My Mom

My mom had been declining. She required complete care, even unable to feed herself anymore.  We were starting to think that she wouldn’t make it through the summer. However, many times she had bounced back so we just didn’t know. Her doctor told me that if she seemed to be in pain to call her and she’d put her on hospice so she could get pain medication. We never got to that point.

Charlotte and I were discussing her decline and she went to give her a bath. After that she was sitting with her when she said she heard her gasp and then spit up some. She thought she wasn’t breathing well so she called me in. Charlotte has been with my mom for 6 years and is attached to everyone in the family. I went in and she was crying saying she couldn’t do this anymore, call an ambulance. She got upset when I wouldn’t. I reminded her that my mom didn’t want that. I checked her and she didn’t appear to be breathing. I couldn’t find a pulse. I texted her doctor and she said to call 911 and have them send a coroner, emphasize that she is dnr. Have them call her if they have questions or concerns.

Tasha was out car shopping so her babies were at the house. They were a few minutes out so I wanted to wait until Tasha picked up Vaida. Jason had stopped by so he was here. Kassi came over and Joselin and Sarah were here. All the kids were here and able to say their goodbyes. Tasha confirmed with me that she couldn’t get a pulse or respiration and we agreed to wait until she left to call. Hardest part was telling Benjamin and Larissa, they were closest to her and they knew something was up with all the upset and crying adults.

My mom passed peacefully in her own bed. It was what she wanted. The kids were able to go in and see that she went in her sleep peacefully. She just looked like she was sleeping. We had told the kids that she was declining but nothing prepares you for the actual moment.  Benjamin has been asking the most questions and is having the hardest time processing it.

I am giving the following information because I didn’t know what would happen. I called 911. The fire department came and I told them she was dnr.  They couldn’t find a pulse and said that emt would have to come and hook her up to check for any activity. They came and ran a strip and determined that she had passed away. They called the coroner. A police officer came and asked questions. When the coroner showed up the fire and emt left. The coroner called it and asked what funeral home we wanted. He contacted the funeral home and they came and picked her up. They invited anyone in who wanted to say their good byes and several of the children went in. Today I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. We are going to have her cremated and at some point we will make a road trip to Bryan to spread her ashes with her parents. I honestly don’t know when that will be.

It is hard to explain the feelings. I cried but am relieved for her. I am happy for her that she is in a better place. I am sad that she stopped taking her high blood pressure medication depriving our family of the opportunity to have better relationships. I have been her caregiver for 11 years. It is what I do, what I know. Every night before I go to bed I change her and give her a snack. I went to the grocery store today and was thinking what soft foods to buy her today before I realized that she wasn’t here. I walk past her room and see her bed and think I need to check on her. We haven’t had a good mother/daughter conversation in a long time. Dementia stole that. But her face would light up for the children. They made her days. Now my caregiving role has ended and it feels..... strange. Like I should still be doing it.

Another loss has been Charlotte. She has been to our house every weekday for the last 6 years. We missed her today. Benjamin asked when she was coming. I missed our conversations. I know that this has hit her hard as well. She woke up this morning and didn’t have to come to our house. That is a huge empty space for her.

How do you grieve? I want the bed gone. I don’t want to walk past the room and see it because my impulse is to check on my mom when I see it. Our plan has always to make that room my office but I feel guilty? Do I let it sit for a while? I was going through her stuff and realized how little of her was left in the room. Today little man kept going in and patting on the bed. Hard to explain to a 2 year old. Benjamin cried a lot yesterday, today he is full of questions.

Today they wrote her obituary. A lifetime reduced to a paragraph. I have pictures and memories left. I have pictures of Benjamin playing with her wheelchair. Sarah was talking about how grandma made lots of cookies whenever we visited her. Everyone has little bits of memories of grandma. Made me think that sometimes I need to put my electronics down and make memories with my children. What little things will they remember?

Love you mom, miss you

Photoshoot and More

Yesterday was photo day, Larissa needs a new headshot for Dallas since she got her braces taken off. I will be curious to see what kind of pictures the photographer got of Benjamin! He was.... uh....interesting. I think that he needs to work on following the photographers directions! We had the same photographer who did the last pictures and he remembered Benjamin, he told me that Benjamin makes him want to have kids! Haha, wonder if he feels the same way after my fiery kids photo session. I did catch some cute pictures of him.

We were there for 4 hours and had to entertain ourselves somehow.

We received our Dallas packet. Larissa has outgrown all her clothing! I need to find new jeans, ugh, we shopped for a new pair and had no luck. Dallas gets more expensive all the time, we need a formal dress, swimsuit (found one for photoshoot!), other fashion forward outfits (whatever that is) to wear throughout the day, cocktail dress, jeans wear and black outfit plus shoes. She has outgrown her shoes too! Moved up to size 10.

Larissa was most excited to find a swimsuit that she felt comfortable in. It is a one piece suit with a halter top. We never did a swimsuit picture because we couldn't find anything that she felt comfortable walking in front of people in!

We have our hotel reserved, next payday I need to buy some airline tickets. I found it interesting that the packet had paperwork for sponsors. I guess if I knew a lot of business owners I would attempt to do that but I don't. Do people normally fundraise for these things? It does get expensive! 

Sarah is looking to do a mission trip after she finished her master program (a requirement for graduation) and Larissa and Benjamin are killing us so we are going to visit an etsy shop or facebook business. We are planning an selling jewelry and other items from our artwork. Our plans aren't totally completed but it is a work in progress.

This week will be a busy week as it is the last week of school and our bitty baby has a court date. I was planning on going to the court hearing but it is the same day as Emma's 5th drade graduation and foster sons end of year party. We are packing up the baby in hopes that he will finally go home to his family.

Behaviors

We had gotten a great special for the Great Wolf Lodge in February and planned a visit for Benjamin's 5th birthday. Unfortunately he got sick and we had to reschedule. We will be going in early June. I told all the kids that everyone was going, just stay out of trouble. I shouldn't have said that because the very same day I got a call from Michelle's school, she got suspended for cyber bullying!

Sometimes I feel like I am raising two different families, those who realize that good behavior brings good things and those who just don't want to take responsibility for their actions.

I try to take everyone to events like movies but that doesn't always happen. I took all the kids to go see the new Marvel movie. Those that don't really know us probably wonder why they get excluded often. Those that know our family well asked me why I was taking them as they had both been yelling at me and lying to me the day before. Truly, they won't see having benefits as a reason to try to improve behaviors, they only see it as I was weak. I tell them I am giving them grace.

Everyone is doing karate except for Anthony and Emma, their choice. I am trying to have an activity that is not dependent on behaviors.

Anyone else dealing with kids that seem to try and sabotage you and make you feel like you have an enemy living in your home. My kids all have a chore that they do. One day I asked the floor person to please do a good job, I wanted to vacuum and I had three people coming the next day.

I get this....

Did she take trash from the trash can and throw it on the floor to make is worse? I got to sweep and then mop. The next day she got to help me with a chore, cleaning baseboards.

It is a challenge with kids that are so disrespectful, lie, fight any house rule and then kids who do what they need to. I feel like we don't get to do stuff as a family because someone has to stay behind with the kids who don't cooperate. The kids who do what they need to do often miss out on stuff because sometimes I just don't have a babysitter or am just too frustrated to care to get out of the house.

We planned a summer cruise over a year ago. At the time we put everyone on the cruise. Just last month we had to make the final decision and we had to drop Emma and Michelle. They were to room with Sarah and they are so disrespectful and nasty to Sarah and she said that she couldn't deal with them. We have childcare set up. Actually Michelle will be going on a mission trip with the youth for part of the time we are gone. We already had a plan of Jacob. Now I need to figure out our newest foster kid.

I know we aren't the only ones dealing with this. I often second guess myself but feel strongly that they need to learn that lying and disrespect will not get them many benefits in life. Who else is dealing with this? Please share.

Field Trip - the Zoo

We have an annual zoo membership that we share with Tasha so we all met up at the zoo. With our budget this summer you will see us at the zoo or in our pool.

Larissa with Owen

Tasha is holding our foster baby, he is the sweetest child.

I am going to call him Jacob, not his real name but perhaps it will be one day. He won't ride the animal but did sit on the animal in the seating area we were in.

Larissa has developed a fear of heights so making it to the top was an accomplishment for her.

For the first time Benjamin made it to the top!

Afterwards we went to a place that Sarah had been wanting to try out. I won the photo contest.

Paint Pouring

Homeschool art, we are trying some of the new painting ideas floating out there. We love paint pouring, Sarah is addicted.

It is a mess but so interesting as you don't know what the result will be.

We have decided that we need a little side business so are trying to come up with ideas. We are making jewelry with the paint overflows. Oh, so fun and rewarding. We are raising funds for Sarah and her next mission trip which will be 6 months long and also starting a fund for Larissa's trips. Trying to come up with money to go to Dallas made us realize that this is very expensive! We won't be going to NC this summer but some of us will be going on a cruise that was already paid for. Larissa has an agent in California who has asked her to come out, I don't think that will ever be affordable. Many agents will be in Dallas and we would love to get an agent in Atlanta, possibly New York as they are on our coast! We have to balance our families needs and that is often complicated.

Photoshoot

Quite a while back the kids did a Photoshoot. It took forever to get them back so I don’t know if I ever shared them. If I did, ignore this post! Oh, Larissa and I will head to Dallas. We are going to cut some corners and come up with the money to go. It shall be interesting and educational for us.

So here are the photos...