Frustration

Took my mom to the doctors today.  I am glad that I already had that appointment made.  My mom has had an ongoing medical problem common to women, UTI.  I was able to get the records that show that this problem has been going on since at least October.  I don't have earlier records but plan on trying to get them because I want to see how long this has been going on.  Well, she is bleeding and has something that an antibiotic should have cured.  Our doctor was amazed at the last antibiotic she was given, she said it was for ENT type issues.  I know that my kids had gotten it prescribed for ear infections.  I wonder why they have let this go on for so long.  I am not too happy.

Today my mom wanted to sleep most of the day.  I hope that the new antibiotic helps her to feel better and be more "here".  When she lived with us before she was constantly calling me for help with something.  Now she doesn't call me for anything.  I much preferred her calling for me all the time.

They did blood work so we will see how that goes.  I am concerned because she is almost too weak for me to properly care for.  We hope to get some home health in the house.  I have class tomorrow and am not sure how that will go and even if I will be able to make it.  Thankfully my class this Thursday is online.  I am terribly behind in both classes and right now am too tired to care.

The kids are doing well with grandma.  They were coloring her many papers today.  My mom was having issues with her teeth today and asked the kids if they wanted them.  Ah, you can imagine the questions from the kids as to why grandma's teeth come out.  I think that they looking at teeth brushing a little differently.

Wow, it is 10:30 here and I think I am going to head to bed.  I have so much homework to do but am just too tired to care.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Goodnight everyone.

Home....tired

I got to the nursing home bright and early this morning.  I got all of my moms stuff packed while my mom was sitting and waiting in the front rooms for me.  She was ready to go but we had to wait for her discharge paperwork.  Sitting there and watching all the activity made me realize why I had placed her in this home in the beginning.  Everyone is very nice there and they really did treat my mom great.  As each person would come over to say goodbye to her she would tell me how nice they were to her.  We are not moving her because of the home but because a nursing home doesn't replace family.  She needed family to come and visit her.

We got to the airport 2 1/2 hours early and it was a good thing we did.  Stress and elderly guts do not go well together.  Lets just say that I am very sorry to anyone who used the bathroom while we were there and that her pants got left in Texas (I did pack spares).

Next we went to the counter to pay $25 for our piece of luggage.  Naturally the machine that creates the receipt for the luggage jammed so we had to wait for someone to come and print one manually. 

Next....... security....the line had grown very long but we got escorted to the front.  The only piece of ID I have for my mom is a very old drivers license.  Needless to say it wasn't going to fly.  I explained that she is coming from a nursing home and I don't have any other identification for her.  We got to wait for a higher official to come and decide if they would let us through.  She asked me if I had her prescriptions from the nursing home and I did.  She looked at those and compared them with the name on the ticket and decided to let her go.

Next........ screeners......Mom got the full pat down.  I guess they do that to everyone in a wheelchair. 

Next....getting to the gate which is at the very end of the terminal (figures) Let me tell you, those guys who walk those wheelchairs almost run through the airport.  I was sweating at this point.  We got to the gate a few minutes before they started to board and my mom tells me that she wants some food.  She knows just what she wants too.  The lady who was ensuring that my mom got boarded properly told me to leave her with her ticket and she would ensure that my mom got boarded.  So I got to run back up all those gates and get what my mom wanted........

When I got back my mom was boarded and I was able to join her.  The flight was uneventful and my mom enjoyed her McDonalds.  At the end of the flight we waited for them to bring on the wheelchair.  I don't think that I have ever sat in an empty plane before.

Mom was anxious to get off.  Two nice and strong men came in and picked her right up and put her on the wheelchair.  I wish that I could bring them home!  I have to say that all the folks at US Airways treated my mom great.  I was worried about travelling with her because of her inability to walk but I had no problems.  They worked very hard to accommodate her.

We had landed in Charlotte and had a connecting flight to Columbia.  However, we had already decided that John would pick us up in Charlotte saving us the need to get on the puddle jumper.  Tomorrow we will have to go to Columbia to pick up her suitcase.

Here are the prescriptions that got us passed through security.........

I am finding that my biggest challenge is getting her in the car.  Anyone have suggestions for that.  I get her out fine but positioning her behind far enough back to get in is proving difficult.  A handicap vehicle is not in the budget but it sure would be nice to just put in the entire wheelchair. 

Tomorrow I get to take mom to her doctors appointment.  That shall be interesting.

Anyways.....I am tired and heading to bed.  Good night everyone.

San Antonio

I visited with my mom for few hours this afternoon. She was very excited to see me. One of her first questions was when am I taking her out of there. She is fine with flying, she didnt want to fly before.

I went through all of her clothing and discarded anything ripped or that no longer fits. This evening I will purchase her a suitcase and then have dinner with a friend.

Wow, my moms hair is long! I have never seen her with long hair. She has gained weight. She has her vascular dementia and can say some interesting things. Apparently she wants an orange couch. I am not sure where that is coming from! Or even where I would put it. I imagine she still wants to get an apartment which is way out of the question. But, she can dream I guess. Typically I tell her she can when she can take care of herself again. I think that even if I told her that wasn't going to happen she would just mention it again later as though I hadn't said anything

I talked with her aide and she said that she does not agree with the social worker that she is not a dead weight. I wonder why the SW said that to me. To scare me? Her nurse was excited to see me and said that she thinks she will do well at home. Apparently my mom talks about us all the time and going home.

I may not be able to move tomorrow!

This was our challenge...how to get a ramp in this spot.

A whole lot of clutter was created in the making of this project.

I still need to add some safety rails but this is the main structure.  I really don't know if I will be moving too fast tomorrow, I am getting too old for these projects.

I finally stopped to make hotel and car reservations.  Then, I had to run to Walmart to make sure that there is enough food in the house for the time I am gone.  Now, I am exhausted and heading to bed soon.....after I check my laundry and pack.

I fly very early in the morning.  I am concerned about this trip.  The first nurses that I talked to said that my mom was able to stand up and rotate with assistance.  Then the social worker called and said that my mom was like lifting dead weight and had gained 20 lbs since she lived with us.  I called her nursing station and they said that she did need assistance and was slow but they wouldn't say that she was dead weight.  Sigh, I guess I will know the truth soon enough.  I worry that I will not be able to handle my mom.  I worry that I may be taking on more then I can handle.  Yet, I am going and will try my best.  My mom talks of coming home every day.

I am off to pack......I'll be back in a few days.  Say a prayer for me!  Even more, say one for John who will be home with the kids. 

Ramp Building

I am a fantastic procrastinator.  Tomorrow I fly to San Antonio to get my mom who is in a wheelchair.  This means we need ramps.  So naturally I wait until today to build them.  We got the outside one built this morning and now are taking a break before we tackle the one inside.  The outside one was build completely with re purposed wood around our house and yard and is very simple.....the inside one will be just a tad more complicated and require a trip to Lowe's..

I guess I should pack sometime and make hotel and car reservations.....I have a dinner reservation with a friend that I am looking forward to.

Hectic Days

Can you tell what the above picture is?  It is a not quite yet sleeping child who can be seen from my desk chair.  I did put her to bed after she fell asleep.  This was done to stop her from hitting her sister in her head while she was trying to go to sleep.  I didn't have to get annoyed or mad.  I simply put her in my line of sight.  Strange she only had to spend one night with me.  The corner looks a little bare.

Since we got a door in the girls room we decided to take out the extra one.  This had to be a one day operation because having that huge opening was not an option at bedtime.

We got it drywalled and it has it's first coat of spackling.

What is going to be the challenge is how to finish off the ceiling part......

Pooky Bear was trying to explain the benefits of simply taking it easy....

I have been building a Wiki for one of my classes.  I decided to paint my home page......

It was extra work but very relaxing for me.

In the last week I also took three of the kids to an appointment in the big city.....on the right day but the wrong MONTH!  Ooops, we will be back in February.  At least they did get a Moe's out of the experience.

I have purchased the airline tickets for my mom and myself and called them to make sure we are sitting where we need to be and I reserved a wheelchair.  I still need to rent a car and get a hotel room.  I will do that tomorrow.

My mom has a medical appointment next week and the girls are going to try out a new therapist.

In a few days we will go get my mom.  I still need to get her a bed and do something about the ramps.

All of the above are why I have been silent.  It seems like I have periods of calm followed by very hectic periods.  I will soon be in San Antonio and I am concerned about my ability to take care of my mom.  I do know that if I have to put her in a nursing home here I will go see her on a regular basis.  But first, I must try.

Tomorrow is ramp day.  I need two ramps and I hope to get at least one built.  So, I am off for the night.  I am going to go and look at ramp designs. 

Have a great evening.

Busy

Been busy.  Too much on my plate right now.  I do appreciate all the comments on my previous post.  I don't often refer to religion in my life because I don't feel qualified.  Maybe it is more that I don't feel confident.  I read many blogs where the writer is so eloquent when writing about their beliefs and all that God has done in their lives.  I don't write with such beauty.  All I can really say is that we have been so blessed in our lives in spite of all the sin that we do.  Grace is a great thing and I am very thankful for it.

Long day of school and homework so I am heading to bed, I'll be back tomorrow....

Plans

We have been under a little stress lately.  We are not sure where we need to go in life.  We thought that Texas was where we were supposed to be.  Our house didn't sell so we came back to South Carolina.  However, John couldn't get a job here so he works almost 2 hours away.  The first year he rented an apartment and when the lease was up he started driving.  The driving is just too much so we decided that it was time for him to quit and concentrate on finding a local job.  Lots of folks say we are crazy.  Maybe we are.  We are floundering and not sure what is the best route for bringing our family back together again.

I hear people tell me to follow God's will.  Follow God's plan.  I sure wish he would send me a text because we are so lost when it comes to this issue.  Neither one of us grew up in the church or even in a Christian home.  I didn't become a Christian until I was in my 30's.  I really don't understand how to know if I am following God's will.

I do feel as though I am following God's plan with fostering and adoption.  It is such a deep feeling that this is what I am supposed to be doing.  Is my schooling a distraction?  I hope not. Is my husband supposed to come home or continue his work out of town.  It just doesn't feel right living apart which is what we would do if he continued at his job.  We do know that he will not be able to find a job making the same income.  We are fine with that.  I would just like for him to have a fulfilling job where he can home every night.  But the fear creeps in, what if he can't find a job at all? 

I read.....

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)


“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (NLT)


Question for my Christian readers...how do you know that you are following God's plan?

Circus Time

Anthony and Larissa at their first circus.

I bought tickets for the circus a few weeks ago.  On Monday I told all the kids that we would go to the circus on Saturday.  It didn't matter what their behavior was like for the week, they were still going.  However, if they had to earn a snow cone with good behavior.  I wasn't looking at small misbehavior's because those happen every day.  However, a note home from school saying that you were defiant to the teacher and refused to do class work would not earn you a snow cone.  By the end of the week we had one who got a snow cone.........

All the kids did share popcorn and cotton candy so they didn't miss out on the junk food circus experience.

John was a good sport!

We were 8 deep on the third row.  All the kids loved the circus and they behaved great!

My favorite part.....the elephants.

Can you spot the lady behind us?  Strange what changing it to black and white did, I guess I should photoshop it but it looks kind of interesting.

The kids did so well that we went to ChikFilA's for nuggets and ice cream cones.  However, we got back at 3pm and it was too late for naps.  The kids were tired so behaviors got bad.  Dimples ended up tearing up some of the kids possessions and earned an early bedtime.  Then John and I went out to a late movie (as late as we old folks can go) but it wasn't quite kids bedtime when we left.  Larissa ended up melting down at bedtime and gave the girls a hard time.  Occasionally she gets these melt downs and is just totally out of control.  I am not sure what it is and at this point it is hard to tell.  We are dealing with a lot of biogenetics with these kids that are beyond our control.....their control too.

In spite of the behavior rebound issues it was a great outing and it was the teens first circus too.

Update

We had a social worker visit today. The teens social worker.  I was shocked that they are actually doing something with this case.  No visitations, no case plan so we sit in some type of limbo.  I had pushed the GAL to get the case moving and I don't know if that is the case or what but they actually have a plan of action.  They are going for TPR and adoptions is going to assign us a worker. 

Yep, another worker in our lives, isn't it great!

Smile

Larissa went to the dentist this morning. She also got to have some one on one time with momma at our favorite restaurant.

She says that her teeth are now shiny and she wanted to share her shiny smile with everyone out in blog land.........

After looking at that picture on the camera she determined that it didn't show her smile well enough.

This one passed her critique..........

That ought to put a smile on your face!

Consequences

What type of consequences do you use?

When possible, I really try to have the consequence fit the behavior.   

As mentioned in the previous post when Dimples had her tantrum in the restaurant she got to go sit in the car and missed the next restaurant outing.  If she decides to tantrum again at a restaurant then she will miss more then one restaurant outing.  Why?  I tell the child that they have shown me that they are not ready for the experience.  That I was pushing too hard for something for them that they aren't ready for.  Why put a child in an environment that they are not able to cope in?

Over Christmas break we had to make a decision about dance.  I really wanted the girls to do dance and so did they.  However, they just are not ready for the demands of dance.  They are too defiant to participate in that type of activity.  We decided to pull them out and have Larissa continue.  It would not be fair to Larissa to have her stop her activity because the other girls can't cope.  Lily said it was not fair.  I explained to her that it was in fact fair.  What is not fair is to allow them to continue with dance when they are so defiant.  It is not fair to the teacher who is not paid to manage behaviors but to teach dancing.

The girls bedroom is currently barren.  That wasn't my choice, it was theirs, well really a lot of it is Dimples which is why I feel that Lily needs to move upstairs at some point.  There were books in there, Dimples either tore them up or peed on them so no books.  There was clothing, it was either on the floor or peed on so all gone.  There were toys, broken or peed on.  There was more furniture, used as playground equipment, gone.  Quite a lot of the damage was done by Dimples and Lily is caught up in it.  Lily now stores her stuff out in the family room for safe keeping.  However, Lily has been a participant in some of the damage and misuse of stuff as well.  She has been told what she needs to do to be able to move upstairs.

Sometimes it is a simple act that has the biggest impact.  One day years ago we drove through the bank and were given suckers.  I handed them back without even thinking about it.  Joselin threw hers down on the floorboard of the car.  I stopped and asked her what the problem was.  She said she didn't want that color.  I picked it up and told her that it was her only option, take it or leave it.  I then asked her very nicely if she wanted it.  She told me no.  I said fine, that was her choice and I ate it myself.  She never rejected another sucker after that.

When Joselin was home we took her on every vacation we went on except our cruise (she couldn't come because she couldn't get a passport since she destroyed all of her paperwork).  On every vacations she sulked and did her best to make those times miserable.  Sadly, our cruise was most enjoyable without Joselin there.  It did hurt me that she wasn't able to come but that vacation taught me that it is not necessary for every child to go on every trip.

We have plans for the summer and they include a trip to Florida.  If we were going today I would not take the two new girls.  They are not ready for the long car ride and extended time away from home.  Will they be ready by August?  Time will tell.  I hope so, but life has taught me that if they aren't then they will stay home even though it will hurt me.

The thing I have found with consequences is that you have to be consistent.  That is so hard for me because I do not like for my kids to miss out on things.  I like for them to experience everything that we offer.  However, I have found that when I get soft the kids take advantage of it.  Hurt children don't need changing rules.  They need rules that stick.  They need to know what the expectations are and know what the consequences are.  They need to feel secure that parents are in control, not them. 


Anyone have a good consequence for tattling or lying?  I'd really like to hear what has worked in your house.

Normal

Last night we went out to eat at Chili's.  The only reason we went was for the kids school, they had an eat at Chili's night where they get some of the proceeds.  I don't do many fund raisers....I have too many kids and no relatives to buy the stuff.  Besides, I think that the stuff is overpriced.

Anyways, we all went....husband, myself, teen, Sarah, Anthony, Larissa, Lily and Dimples.  My kids like to eat out.  Heck, they like to eat period.  There was one incident a while back where Dimples decided to have a tantrum in the restaurant and she got to spend the rest of the meal in the car (with supervision).  She also missed the next meal out.  Since then she has had no problems eating out. 

So, all eight of us sat and ate a nice meal.  The kids are expected to stay seated.  To use their table manners.  To be polite.  They all did. 

Why do I write about this?

Because we do have moments of normalcy.....especially when food is involved.

Larissa

I am concerned about Larissa.  She seems tired all the time.  We put her to bed around 7-7:30ish and on school days I wake her last, around 6:30.  Yet, she is always tired.  A tired Larissa is an irritable Larissa.

The above picture was taken at quiet time over the weekend.  After lunch we have quiet time (or mom sanity time) where the kids can play their DS's, color, read or nap.  They each have different rooms to do this in.  Larissa put her DS down on the steps and took a nap in the corner (no, this is not her "spot", she has this entire room as hers during quiet time).

Yesterday she got up and then sat on her dad's lap to watch cartoons and she quickly fell asleep.  Today her teacher told me that during recess today she went to the bench and promptly took a nap.

I am not sure what is going on. I wonder of she is having more seizures then normal.  It is so hard for us to tell because everyone is sleeping.  Nocturnal seizures are so hard to manage because of their very nature....occurring during sleep.

Eventually we hope to have Lily upstairs again.  However, I do worry about her messing with Larissa's sleep.  Right now Larissa's sleepiness can not be blamed on the girls.

This is yet another mystery in our house and a worry for mom.

My Kitchen

We have a nice big house with a too small kitchen.....well at least for our family.  The dining room used to be off to the left but it was converted to a bedroom.  Straight ahead used to be the family room and was recently converted to a dining room.  I actually like this dining room location better then the original one, it just flows better.

If you look at the picture above you will notice a clock hanging down.  There was a small cabinet there and we took it out long ago to make a pantry.  Much better use of the space.  Problem was they no longer make the crown molding so we had to improvise and put molding for the clock up there.

The door leads to the girls bedroom.  It is going to be taken out and drywalled.  This will allow for a few more cabinets in the space.  A door has been added on another part of the house.

The cabinets are 23 years old and some of the doors are falling apart.  The countertops are original as well and were built in place so they are nailed down to the cabinets before the laminate was put down.

I would love a double oven but that is not affordable at this time.

My plan is to paint the cabinets white.  This will lighten up the room and allow for different cabinets to be added without being obvious.  (I can't find any cabinets with the exact same trim on them).  Not sure what to do with the light.  We have never liked it.

This cabinet is in the dining room.  It was the same color as the kitchen but was painted years ago so that the family room didn't look like a dungeon.  This whole part of the house is pretty dark since we added on the 500 sq ft new family room.

I took a peak at sinks........

Wonder how the white would hold up....

We also brought home a pile of laminate samples.  We will go with laminate again since we still have kids who stain and tear up stuff.  Also, our budget is pretty low.  Well,  really low.  I also want to paint the kitchen and am thinking of a darker yellow.  We will see.

This is going to be a long term project since most of the work will be done by us.  Any and all suggestions are appreciated.

Should be interesting.....

Status

Wish I could have gotten a picture of Dimples when she asked me why I rearranged their room today. I told her, "so that you will stop climbing on the dresser from the bed to jump on the other bed." Her look was priceless! She didn't even try to deny it and was shocked that I knew.  It is amazing how much we parents know and the kids don't have a clue. 

I really don't like the girls room at this time.  We normally do the cluttered look; lots of clothing, books and toys.  The girls room doesn't have any of those things.  I took out the cliffrobe because they were climbing into it and jumping out.  I took out the bookshelf because there was nothing on it and it looked like something to climb.  If the books weren't peed on then Dimples was tearing them up, even the baby cardboard books.  I am not used to bookless bedrooms.  I wonder how long the room will have to be so empty.


Anyone wondering about statuses of our foster kids.  Yea, me too.  Nothing.  No TPR court date yet for the two little ones and nothing new for the teen.  The teens GAL called today to give us some new news but it was old news to us.  I gave her more old news to us which was new news to her.  Apparently DSS isn't too keen on keeping the GAL's up to date. 

In some ways time seems stopped.  It doesn't feel as though we are moving forward at all.  We are getting more definite on what we need to do with Dimples....treat her like a 2 year old.  She can't be out of our sight while playing.  She does things that are perplexing.  The other day she asked me if she could pour her water out and get fresh water.  I told her yes and she went and got her cup off the table and proceeded to empty it on the table.  I don't think that she was doing it to be malicious, she just didn't think.  This is a child who is academically ready for kindergarten.  She knows her abc's, colors and how to write her name.  She is quite bright!  Today I picked her up from daycare and I hit a pothole in the parking lot.  I was teasing her and asked her if she was digging holes in the parking lot today.  She said yes.  When we got home she was telling the kids all about how she was digging holes at school.  She was believable, the kids asked me about it.  I think that she believed it!  Can anyone explain that type of stuff?  I am stumped.

Lily is still mean.  But, she is much more aware of what she is doing.  She has some ways of dealing with issues that she needs to work on.  Things that have worked for her in the past aren't working too well here.  She is a huge liar and manipulator.  The other day she did something and I asked her how she thought that she would get away with it.  She told me that she has lived with some pretty stupid folks!  Ha, well I told her that she wasn't now.  She replied somewhat sullen that she sees that.  Well, a little honesty.  I see hope for Lily.  I think that with time she will heal and do well.  She is bright and really wants a family.  She wants to badly to be accepted and cherished.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I am studying hard for class as well as studying mental health for Dimples and elder care.  I am keeping busy.

Tomorrow, pictures if my not so exciting kitchen and plans......

Have a great day!

Can you see the problem?

Can you tell the problem with this picture?

Come on....guess.  Back later.

Why Now?

I have been asked why am I heading to San Antonio to get my mom at this time.  It is not the best time.  New kids and I just started classes.  There really isn't a good reason.  I am sure that my husband would say it is because I am emotional and my mom called crying.  True that did happen the first of this month but I was thinking it was time to bring her here before that phone call.

Actually, there are several factors.  I was ready to bring my mom home over the summer but the nursing home convinced me that it would be in her best interest to stay where she was.  I guess I was willing to accept that story at the time because my husband was leaving the house at 4 am and not getting home until around 6 pm.  He has such a long commute that he couldn't be available to help in case of an emergency.  Not having back up sucks but we got used to it as a military family.  Well, dear husband will not be commuting too much longer so he will be around for emergencies. 

Second, this time I called and talked to her therapist not the nursing home.  He thinks that it would be good for her to come home.  Hmmmm, second opinions matter.

Third, Joselin is no longer home.  She used to make my mom cry when she lived with us before, enough said on that one.

Fourth, my dear husband is correct, I am emotional.  When my mom cries and asks me when am I coming to get her I couldn't ignore it....I said at the end of the month, then I started making plans. 

Plans are going slowly.  I really need some ramps and a bed.  I know, kind of backwards planning.  I do have her paperwork for the doctor and will have her an appointment for after she gets here so we can get services in place and her prescriptions filled.

Still don't have that door done but have decided that tomorrow I will do it.  Now that I have written it I must do it.  I will see if that works!

Child conversation of the day:

Teen: Where did you get these shoes? They are cute.


Me: I bought them at Kohl's for my mom.

Lily: Uh, I didn't know that old folks had moms!

Have a great evening!

Stress

I seemed to have developed an eye tic in the last few days. It is about where I got hit in the head with an oar on one of our white water rafting trips. However, I don't think that the tic is from that injury.  I think it is from stress.

Hard to believe, me having any stress.  I can't decide where it is coming from.  Not sure if it was the visitation on Monday that I found out about last Friday.  Maybe it is one of the many uncompleted projects that I am neglecting.  Perhaps it is the kids that are just driving me crazy.  Maybe it is my school that is starting back up tomorrow.  Or perhaps it is that John has put in his notice and will soon be unemployed.  Maybe it is that my mom will soon be here and I am not sure if I am capable of her care. 

I am not quite sure but I imagine that it is in there somewhere!

I do know that the tic is annoying and maybe it is just related to my old white water rafting head injury.

Seriously, I have made my airline reservations for picking up my mom.  I still need to make hotel reservations and rent a car.  I am going to fly to San Antonio on the 29th, go and check in on my mom to see if she needs any travelling clothing and how much she needs to pack.  Then on Monday we will both fly back home.  Quick trip since John will be home with all the kids alone. I will be in San Antonio all alone....I mean really alone.  Anyone in San Antonio want to meet for dinner?  It has been a long time since I have been anywhere alone.

Has anyone ever travelled with someone in a wheelchair?  The nursing home told me that she is in their wheelchair so I need to provide our own.  I went on Craigslist and got her one (we had given the old one to someone who needed it, figures).  If I can get a wheelchair at the airport curbside then I wouldn't have to tote the wheelchair all the way to San Antonio and back.  I got a wheelchair but need some type of bed with a rail.  I haven't had much luck with that.  We also need a bigger vehicle!  We are at the point where we have to take two cars to church because our nephew lives with us half time so he can attend church and youth.  With my mom we will have to take two cars to every family activity.  I don't see a bigger vehicle happening any time soon.

I do have fears that I am not up to the task of caring for my mom.  She is wheelchair bound and we still need to do some ramps in the house and outside.  She doesn't have any specific medical needs like oxygen and such so she doesn't need medical care.  I feel like I am really stretching myself with this.  Pray for me on this one!

I do believe that we are going to have lots of changes here in the near future.  It shall be interesting to see where we land. 

For now I am off to bed.  I have this bad habit of staying up late even when the kids get up early....I am surprised that my writing is legible this late.

Have a great day.

The Things We Learn

About 6 years ago this baby was brought to my door.  A short term foster care placement. I didn't realize at the time but I had a lot to learn.

I don't look at beads and pipe cleaners quite like I did as a Girl Scout leader.

I may not get those styles done perfectly but she doesn't care.  She wanted her hair to be long like her friends.  What breaks my heart is she wants straight hair.  She has a kid in class who teases her about her hair.

I didn't know that when I took in that baby 6 years ago that she would one day be my very much loved daughter.  I didn't know that I would have to help her navigate the racist remarks at such a young age. 

Sometimes I do worry that I won't or don't know the right things to say.  But, maybe no parent really knows the right thing to say when it comes to racism.

I just wish that the world would catch up with us and see that skin tone and texture of the hair doesn't make a person any less lovable.

I do know that tomorrow Larissa will go to school how she wants......with long hair and beads clacking.

Loss

Conversation of the morning:


Dimples playing with her DS: I love my DS, when I go to a different home can I take it with me?
Me: Uh, you aren't going to a different home.
Dimples: Not today, but when I go to a different home.
Me: You aren't going to a different home forever.
Dimples: Huh? (Like that is a totally weird concept)

You can tell a child over and over that they are not going anywhere. Chances are they have been told that by another adult.  I know that my new kids were told that in their last placement.  That home was their forever home, their adoption placement.  Dimples has been told that she isn't moving from our home many times, even after a huge tantrum.  She still doesn't believe us.

Dimples last big tantrum was when she lost her DS for a day because of not following the DS rules.  She lost it today for the same reason.  Her reaction today:  OK, do I get it back tomorrow.  Upon hearing yes she went off her merry way. I guess she now trusts me to give it back the next day and realizes that it isn't gone forever.  She has lost a lot of things forever.

Every time a child moves they lose something. 
Favorite toys get left behind. 
Kids that they thought of as siblings get left behind. 
Routines that they were familiar with get left behind.
Moms and dads get left behind.
Most everything that is familiar to them is left behind.

Even though we tell the girls that they aren't going anywhere, I have a little twinge of doubt.  Until we have TPR that is not a guarantee.  I know that there is still a chance that they may move but if they do it won't be because of us.  It would be because of the system.  The system states that they do what they need for the best interest of the child.  We have found that is not necessarily true.  To allow children to live in limbo for 3 years is crazy.  It should not take that long for the courts to determine whether the parents can parent or not.  Three years, seriously is a long time to a young child.  A long time living with instability. Too long with too many losses.

Day of Rest

Today I recharged my batteries. 

The kids went to school and Dimples went to preschool. 

I started a load of laundry and then took a nice long nap.

Woke up in time to take Sarah and John out to eat lunch and then piddled until it was time to pick up kids. 

This evening we went to training for foster parents where they discussed stealing.  Good subject and reminded me that Dimples is closer to 2 or 3 developmentally.

Got home and remembered my laundry so it is now in the dryer.  It will wrinkle so in the morning I will restart the dryer since I do not iron unless it is an emergency.

Tomorrow I take Dimples to a doctor appointment and then I need to tackle my door project.....if I don't decide to take another long nap.

I am so thankful for this day of rest, I really needed it!

I ended my day with talking to Tasha on facebook. Love or hate the technology of today, it allows me to talk with my deployed child on a daily basis so right now I am loving it.

Love you Tasha.

Trying Times

Life has been very trying for me lately and I don't want all my posts to come off so negative so I haven't been posting. However, the last couple of days have been challenging.

The room that Dimples and Lily share used to be a dining room. There are two entrances to that room. One is an opening with a board and bookcase against it. The other entrance is a door going into the kitchen. I was planning on drywalling the entrance at the front of the house but hadn't gotten to it. Well, Dimples has figured out that she can move that bookcase and get out.

After sleeping on it I realized that if I put a door up there and drywall the other entrance going into the kitchen then I can add some cabinets to my kitchen.  My kitchen is very small.  I assume that the designer had a wife who did not cook and didn't realize the importance of a kitchen.  Sorry, no pictures tonight!  Too messy.

My husband is helping with this project.

They do not sell doors wide enough to fit the space so we have to make changes to the opening.  I went to bed one night knowing that I would need to repair drywall after we changed the size of the opening.  I woke up with a plan to just make some trim to fit the space.  We went to Lowe's and looked at their wider trim and realized that the size I wanted cost $17 a piece.  I would need 5 pieces (to do both sides).  So instead I am designing my own trim.

The door isn't finished.  When you have to rip boards and create your own stuff it takes longer.  When the kids are still home from school and daycare it takes forever!

The sneaking out the back door isn't a big deal.  However, there was one incident yesterday that sent me to my bedroom thinking that I really don't have to deal with this if I don't want to.

Dimples was in a 5 minute time-out in her bedroom when she decided to pee on her floor.  Then she added some clothing, hangers and hardback books.  She assumed that she would then come out of her room.  I took one look at her slipping and sliding in her pee and told her that she was not coming out.  This caused serious screaming on her part.  I handed her a laundry basket and told her to put all the clothing inside of it.  After screaming and rolling in her pee she did do that.  Next I told her to stack up the hangers so I could wash them.  After a struggle she did that and wanted out.  I told her to put the peed on books in the trash.  She did and screamed to come out.  I handed her a wet soapy rag and told her to clean the floor then I left to go to my own time out.  I wasn't ready to deal with her.  That was when I thought that I didn't create these behavioral issues and I didn't have to live with it if I didn't want to.  I am not a saint.  I have doubts. 

I really worry about Dimples.  There is something so far off.  I am frustrated because the therapist that they sent us to saw her 30 minutes of cuteness and says that there is nothing wrong.  She is willing to work with Lily.  Well, honestly I think that with time Lily will be fine.  I could take her to any therapist who is much closer to my house.  Our SW wants us to continue to take her to this therapist.  We have decided not to.  If they want her to see her bad enough they are welcome to take her there.  Dimples has an appointment this week with our family doctor to see where we can get help.  Our family doctor is well aware of our experiences and if I tell her there is a problem she believes me.

Today, new day, new meltdown.  We have been dealing with Nintendo DS's and those tiny games for years now.  We have a system, the games are on a box on my desk and they are for every one's use.  However, you are only allowed one game at a time.  You bring one back and can take a different one.  This prevents lost games and hoarding of the favorite games.  After lunch the kids have a quiet time.  They don't have to sleep and can play their Nintendo's, color or read.  Dimples was heading to her quiet spot obviously hiding something....she was hiding three games.  For this she lost her DS for the day.  She screamed for an hour for her DS.  Didn't work.  Lily came to me and told me that when she screamed for something before that they just gave it to her.  Nope, doesn't work in our house.

Later in the day conversation:

Me:  You screamed for an hour today for your DS, why did you lose it?
Dimples: Because I wanted it.
Me:  Why did you lose it?
Dimples:  Because I took more then one game (she knew the rule).
Me:  True, you screamed for an hour because you broke a rule and didn't want the consequence.  Since you had such a huge reaction I have to assume that you are tired and tonight you will go to bed 30 minutes early.
Dimples:  OK

The thing that is tiring is that it is constant.  She tore up her board books and said that they were hers and she could if she wants to.  She takes everyone stuff.  She has to be in sight at all times.  I do not trust her at all.

When we are finished with the bedroom it will be barren; no books, no toys, no clothing....nothing but two beds, bedding and dresser.   The dresser may even have to come out since she likes to climb on it.  I wonder how long the blinds will last in the room.  I have to laugh; on the first SW visit they told me that maybe Dimples would sleep later of there were curtains in the bedroom.  I told her that it was still dark at 4-5am when she got up and that there were curtains in the room when they moved in.  SW comment - Oh!

Lily, still anger and worry.  Her sister's behavior worries her.  I can understand.  She is working on some specific improvements so that she can move up into Larissa's bedroom.  She knows what she has to do and is working hard to get there.  I don't think that it is healthy for her to share a room with her sister.  The other day we were talking and I was comforting her, when we hugged it felt real.  Hard to explain.  I have hope for her.  With time she will heal.  Another move would devastate her.

In good news, our family room is back to our normal.....

Have a Blessed Day