We are in our declining years of fostering. We have decided that we will not do anymore adoptions. Our family is big. A lot bigger than we ever planned. Our older kids are doing activities that require lots of time. Our desire to be there for our grandkids requires our time. Time has become so valuable to me.
Also, when adoptions told us that we were good enough to foster but not adopt it did have an effect. When placement has not spoken the truth to us, it has had its Impact. When we have been disrespected, it has had an impact.
Interestingly I have spoken to some people in higher places and they told me that the atmosphere at adoptions is that foster homes are good enough for fostering but not adoptions. Many foster parents have complained about it. Good to know it wasn’t only me but sad to know that they feel that way. By time kids get to adoptions they have been in care for years. Why would the family that has been caring for the child all this time not be a good adoptive resource? I just don’t get it.
So where do we stand. Months ago we said we would no longer be an adoptive resource. Nothing has happened. As in nothing. At one point when I complained about their disrespect, adoptions threatened to move my kids to an adoptive home right away. We have one child who is under the adoption umbrella. Ok, wonder if they are having trouble finding a placement. Also, Nothing has happened in court. Nothing. No file for TPR. Nothing.
We also have our foster teen. We are trying to get help with getting her braces but it has been frustrating. She has asked if she can stay when her brother goes to an adoptive placement. We told her yes. Honestly, she is why we are still fostering. As long as she chooses to stay in care and stay in our home we will continue with our foster license. She will age out of foster care in 14 months. She can choose to stay and at this time she says she plans on it. Time will tell.
We have another opening. Occasionally we have taken overnight emergency placements but that is all. Placement has not called us for a regular placement for a while. Are we blackballed? Who knows. Could be, complaining is not allowed. Well, we asked for a placement of a specific child, a teen. Last week another foster parent that was accepting emergency placement of a teen asked for a foster home to take him. He had been sitting at DSS for three days waiting for someone to take him. I can’t imagine being 17 and feeling such rejection. So I talked with the foster mom and his social worker and John and I talked. We decided to step up and offer to take him. Placement did place him with us on Thursday. He turns 18 in July so he fit in with our plans of short term. He is from out of state and I expect that he will head north when he ages our.
How is it going with an 17 year old male? Great. I can tell that he is very much emotionally behind. When he talks about his life it is all about rejection. He constantly thanks us for taking him in. Asked if he could call me mom and John dad. Calls all the kids his siblings. He is so worried about appearing awkward, haha, which he is but aren’t we all. Any time I correct him he runs to the kids and asks if we will move him for that. Oh my! What an unnatural way to live life as a teenager. We will start him in therapy as soon as we get his Medicaid number. He acknowledges that he doesn’t know how to handle it when he gets mad. I did tell him that he cannot hit the kids, that will get him moved. However, if he somehow hits the wall and puts a hole in it, he will get a lesson in wall repair. We haven’t seen any issues but my kids aren’t bullying him. He has been in a children’s home since November and from what he says he was bullied there quite a bit. Don’t tell him, but he is awkward. I can’t quite put my finger on it. A friend asked if he was autistic. Ummm, not sure but I say he is emotionally delayed. So anything different is a magnet for bullying. Lucky for him, we have many awkward kids here. Emma is my other emotionally delayed kid. Not a big deal for us. My biggest concern is he will have to make a huge life decision when he hits 18 but he will have the thought process of someone much younger. Yesterday he went to my husband and told him, thanks for taking me in, I haven’t been in a regular family in a long time. Sums it up why we do what we do.
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