Welcome Little One

Some of the women in the family spent the night at the local hospital to welcome a new little one to our family.

Mommy and baby are doing great.  New dad is so in love. 

I am so happy that Ethan and Tasha have this opportunity, to feel love for their child. I believe that they will make great parents.

Now I have to learn a new role as an active Mimi.  When to mind my own business and when to speak up.  This is their family and I will not be blogging about their story.  It is after all their story.  However, our lives are intertwined so I am sure there will be some mention of Vaida because this Mimi is going to seriously spoil her grandchild with love.  So blessed!

Success

Finally, I was able to get Larissa an IEP to help her with her math. If she was being homeschooled I would have continued with our math but since she is in school she is expected to keep up with her peers.  In math she can not keep up with her peers. 


I don't know why she struggles so much in math.  They tested her and then asked me what her abilities are.  They wanted to know if she could count to 100.  Yes, she can count to 100 by 1, 2, 5 and 10's.  However, she can't tell you that 17 is less than 84.  This also showed in her testing.


They were somewhat confused though because she did have a good grasp of some math concepts, charting, measuring and such.  She does because at some point last year I threw away the math books and introduced her to carpentry and cooking.


She learned how to use a level....

about different screw bits......

how to measure.....

and how to write those measurements down.

She learned some applications of math.  We will continue to learn math applications at home.

In class Larissa was doing, addition, subtraction, multiplication, pre-algebra, etc. She wasn't able to get past the 1 times in class in spite of numerous teachings.  She got everything confused.  Numbers are like a foreign language to her.  She will not be an engineer but that is fine with me.  She has plenty of other options available to her.

We have it set up so that she will leave her class during math time and will get math instruction in the self contained classroom.  The rest of the day will be in her regular classroom. She will not miss any instruction in other areas.


Today was her first day and she came home excited.  She had a welcome card from the class and no math homework.  So much less stress!  She was able to finish the rest of her homework without tears.  She was excited to go to school this morning.  It is a shame that she had to get so far behind before they were willing to help her.  The way the system is here is that they offer help once a child is so far behind and are so frustrated.  I don't understand why they don't help kids when they are struggling so that they don't have to reach the frustration point.


On her sleep issues there really isn't a good answer.  the other day she came home feeling dizzy because she was so tired.  The next morning I couldn't wake her so I let her sleep in.  She slept until 10 and then went to school.  Right now the plan is for me to monitor her sleep.  If I feel that she needs to sleep in I can allow that and they will consider it an excused absence.  Also, if she is so tired at school that she is getting dizzy she can call me and I will go get her.  They weren't too keen on that part because they worry that she will take advantage of it.  I don't think that she will and if so I will address it then.


We finally have an appointment to see a sleep specialist at the end of the month.  It was hard finding someone who takes children for some reason.  I guess kids aren't supposed to have sleep issues.

Folks.......It is Going to Break My Heart

Seven months ago he came into our home. Many days our house looks as though a toy factory had exploded.  The best toys make a lot of noise and batteries are bought in large quantities.

The carpet had to go, we can't do carpet.  Kids running through it after being in the pool, wet dogs, spilled food that isn't allowed all conspire against me.  Yes, we have exercise mats in our family room.

Little man does not like to sleep.  He likes to go, go and go.  His favorite thing to do is to climb these steps.  He can climb them VERY quickly.  He is sneaky that way.  We have learned that we can not close the door at the top. A closed door is not a deterrent to him.  He will stand at the top leaning against it.  I fear that he will fall back. I am looking at options for gating off these steps.  Tile on the floor and brick steps and walls make it a challenge.

He is growing up so fast.  He wants to walk so badly. It won't be long and he will be running.  I wonder if I will be there to see it.

He has also learned that I am mom.  He looks for me.  He cries for me when others are holding him.  My kisses are magical and clear up tears promptly.

I know him.  I love him and I know that when he leaves it will hurt. 

My fear is that it will hurt him more and he won't know where I have gone.  I call myself his mom but I am not, I am his foster mom.  His mom hasn't seen him since July.  Since she last saw him he has learned how to sit up, how to pull to a standing position, how to cruise, how to feed himself using his pincher grasp, how to cough socially, how to open drawers, how to climb steps.  When she decides to show up I wonder how he will react to her.  Will he remember that she is his mom?  Will he fuss to come to me?  I know that happens, it did with Larissa.

His mom has not contacted DSS since July.  I talked with her in August but since she never contacted DSS I have been told to stop contacting her.  Once I stopped initiating contact, she has made no attempt to contact me. She has not asked me how he is doing, to send her pictures or videos or whether she plans on showing up.  In all our foster cases this is my first one in which the mom just stops coming.  Every week we wait for DSS to call. I no longer take him up to visitation only to turn around and go home.  I now wait to see if she shows up and if she does I will take him in.  I have not received a call yet.

But, I know that next week it could change.  Right now mom has all the power.  She could start visiting and finish her care plan.  She can still get her child back.  It is all up to her.  All I can do is wait.

In the meantime, her son is growing up.

School Struggles

Larissa is struggling in school, especially in math. This is how she feels about math homework.....

Anthony has challenges with math but his isn't quite as severe. He also has an IEP with gives him extra support in school. I feel that Larissa's seizures and sleep issues are having an effect on her processing abilities.

Sometimes Anthony offers to help her with math and we allow this because it give him confidence and he understands her struggles the best.  She wants to do well but always feels that she is failing.

One day Larissa came to me after school and told me that she cried in class that day.  I asked her why and she said that the boy in class who is supposed to help her got mad at her for it and was mean to her.  He didn't want to help her.

I called her teacher and asked about the incident.  She knew that Larissa was crying in class but didn't know why.  I asked why a student was given the responsibility to help her.  If she has such issues in math she should be receiving services.  It is crazy to put that responsibility on a child who should be learning himself.  I don't think that it is fair for either child. 

Her teacher also told me that she is confused because Larissa had 100 in science last week but then this week she got a zero on a test.  Then she talked about Larissa being tired in class and how she has to wake her all the time.  It is frustrating for me because I could tell when she wasn't functioning well and adjust our schooling around it.  Her teacher has to wake her all the time and then wonder why she can't function.

My next call was to the district psychologist to ask when we were going to meet to get Larissa some services.  I told her that having a student helping her in class is not an appropriate response.  Thankfully I was able to get the wheels rolling and we have a meeting the end of this week.  This week I have to get her to her doctor to get yet another letter of all of her diagnosis's.  I sure hope that this meeting has a better outcome than the last one because I am about ready to pull her out again.

Oh, and Larissa took this selfie and wanted me to share it.  She says that she isn't always pouty.

How to Lose a Friend in Six Months

I was going through my pictures file and realized that the last trip of any kind we made was in February.  That was a small day trip to Charleston.  In March we had friends move in.  I had no idea at that time what a mistake we were making.  This is someone we have known for 10 years, we have a lot of history together.


There were 4 of them and we were relieved when they went to go live with her mother.  I knew that could be a huge problem and it was.  In less than a month they were back with an extra adult.  So three adults and two kids moved back in.


Let me tell you, their family of five out ate our family of eight.  They were in the back shop and had their own refrigerator.  They had food stamps but they only lasted about a week.  The rest of the time we were feeding them.  It got to the point where I only bought what I needed.  They ate all our food that had been sitting in the pantry for a long time.  They ate stuff I bought to make meals so I didn't buy food unless it was needed.  I shopped on a daily basis.  We had our own stash in our closet of snacks and a refrigerator in our bedroom and started cutting the milk in the main refrigerator.  I put my moms special foods in her bedroom.  We spent thousands on food and other items such as toilet paper.  We were going through several rolls a day.  I think that their dog even ate more than our dog.


The bills got extreme.  Folks, we had $700 utility bills.  We even had the utility company call us to see if we had a problem.  Our bills had never been higher, we tried to conserve but they didn't do the same.


Their dog destroyed a lot of stuff with his chewing and their kids did their own damage. We have damaged furniture, lighting, toys, and such.


Finally one day I had a panic attack.  I had never had a panic attack before.  Our budget had been fine for our family but supporting 5 more was breaking us.  My husband left his job 2 1/2 years ago and we were prepared to live on military retirement income and savings for a long time.  Slowly the purchasing power of our income had been diminishing with increased cost of food and gas.  However, we still did fine until this summer.  While we went nowhere our boarders made it to the beach.  They could afford fireworks when we couldn't.  Their kids got a lot of back to school items and ours got one item.


We finally gave them an ultimatum, get out by October.


In August I found a trailer for rent within their budget.  We went and looked at it and they actually knew the owner.  However, they had no money saved.  I don't understand how they expected to ever get a place of their own.  They were able to get a special grant to pay for their utility deposit and $300 of their first months rent.  We paid $900 for the deposit and the rest of the rent.  It is supposed to be a loan but I expect I will never see a dime.  However, it was the best $900 we ever spent.  We were broke the rest of the month but that was OK.


Then came the complications, from the beginning we had given them Sarah's car to borrow.  Well, they drove it to death.  It died several days before they were to leave.  In our area you have to have a car to get around.  We lent them the truck for 2 weeks, gave them a cut off date.  On the cut off date we had to go and get it.  It was damaged and required a new tire and alignment. 


They lived with us for 6 months and never saved a dime.  Never made a serious attempt to get a car.  Never paid us a dime.  Used as much of our resources as they could.  Almost seemed like they were intent in driving us to the ground. 


One argument we had ended with her telling me that she didn't have the opportunity to live a privileged life like I do. I realized then that she was jealous.  I offered her as much as I could but it wasn't enough because I still had more than her.


They still call us for things, for rides, for help.  However, our support has ended.  I can no longer use our families resources for their family. Sadly this experience has cost us our friendship.


In the short term this experience hurt us financially. However, we are rebounding and will be fine.  The loss of a friendship was more painful.


Oh, the dog....they got rid of him within a week of leaving because he was chewing up their stuff.

Being a Caregiver

Jason has moved back home. George is so happy, he is so in love with Jason.

This weekend Jason decided to make a hamburger for lunch and made one for his grandma as well.  Jason, Tasha and Sarah remember my mom before her strokes, the younger kids were not here yet.  I wish that all of my kids would have had an opportunity to get to know my mom when she was healthier.  Other than my mom they don't have any grandparent relationships and I find that kind of sad.

When I was lifting my mom into her wheelchair this weekend I realized how much lighter she has gotten.  I also found a small sore on her arm.  Sometimes I worry that I am not doing the right thing by keeping her at home.  She slept on her arm all night and in a nursing home they might have turned her in the middle of the night.  Well, maybe not because I hear of bedsore problems in nursing homes.  Either way, she now is sleeping with a neck support on her elbow to prevent her from laying on it. I worry about her getting sores while in my care.

Taking care of a parent is a huge responsibility.  At night before I go to bed I always go in and change my mom.  Sometimes I get surprises, not pleasant ones.  Sometimes I would just as soon head to bed without that responsibility. I am the only one in the house who can change my mom so this means I have to do it whether I am sick or not. Every night I will say to Sarah that I am going to change my mom and head to bed.  Sarah always responds that she hopes she never has to say that.  I sure hope she doesn't either.  I don't know that I would want to put that responsibility on any of my children.

Sometimes I do feel a smidgen of anger at my mom.  She had a stroke because she stopped taking her high blood pressure medication.  Her stroke was totally preventable.  If she hadn't stopped her medications I feel that she would still be living in her own home.  Anyone out there taking high blood pressure medications don't stop taking them!  My older brother did and is now on a kidney transplant list.  High blood pressure is a serious medical condition. Everyone in my family has high blood pressure except for me.  I get it checked often and can't believe that I don't have it.  Strange but I am not complaining.

Being a caregiver for my mom means that we always have to consider her when we want to go out of town for any length of time, even just day trips.  She can't be left alone, if something were to happen and the house caught on fire she couldn't get out.  She can't get up and feed herself and needs changed throughout the day.  We have to arrange and pay someone to be here.  We can't make last minute plans to do a day trip.

Long term community health care has been a huge help.  Charlotte comes out 5 days a week and relieves me for a few hours.  She bathes my mom and feeds her lunch.  This is a huge help for me and Charlotte has become one of the family. We plugged along for a year waiting to get to the top of the list for the program.  At one point I was told to just put her in a nursing home, it is easier to put them in homes than get help to keep them in their home.  That is what has happened in our society.  People consider it a huge burden to have to take care of the elderly.

For now we are doing well.  Medically my mom is stable but I know that can change at any time.  We have supports in place and someone to hire when we have plans out of town. My mom is eating well and stays hydrated.

I hope that she realizes how much she is loved.

Oh, for the curious, Jason's burger......

Play Time

Summer is quickly coming to a close and the kids are trying their best to squeeze every bit out of it before winter sets in.

I purchased one of those pop up tents used.  The poor thing is slightly bent out of shape.  However, that did not take away from the kids fun.  As soon as they saw it they set up house and asked to spend the night in it.

The weather was warm enough that they swam most of the weekend.

Apparently the objective of this game is to stay on top of the ball, not an easy thing to do.

Sometimes I wonder what their memories will be of these days.  There are times that they fight terribly and times that they play together so well.  Will they remember those times when they cooperated fondly?  At the very least I have pictures to prove that there were times of great joy and cooperation!

It surprised me that they actually spent the night in the little play tent.  They ate, slept and played in that little $5 play tent.  I am tempted to search for a used tent to keep on the porch for the fall.

When I was little I remember sleeping in the yard in a tent.  Anyone else do the same?