Stare if you must..........

Monday, December 18, 2017

Christmas Pictures

We went to the country to get some pictures made. The foster kids did get theirs done as well but I can't share those.

I took many pictures! Can't seem to help myself.

Sadly there is a reason for this pictures, will share later.

Yes, my son is taller than my son in law. Anyone know where I can buy 27 x 36 jeans?

Santa at the mall

Sarah has graduated from college. It is amazing that at one point she was in a self contained classroom and now she has a bachelors degree and will start classes for her masters in January. She will be studying TEFL.

Sarah received services the entire time she was in school. When the bullying got to be too much in high school she finished her high school in a virtual school. Sarah struggled in all areas but at some point she motivated herself and greatly improved in ELA. Math has always been a struggle so she attended a local community college to complete the required math. With her program at CIU she only had to have one math class. She graduated with a GPA greater than 3.0.

We are very proud of her and her motivation to work hard to get where she is today.

Benjamin and Larissa helped her move out of her dorm. Sarah is home.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Cost of Fostering

I admit, I have been absent lately. I have been overwhelmed with life in general and not sure what direction to go in. I love fostering. I don't love having my life thrown so out of whack that I lose sight of why I foster. The reason we foster is to allow a child an opportunity to have a safe place to land. Somewhere where they are offered an opportunity to grow and to find security while experiencing life within a family, as crazy as we are. We really try to treat our foster children like our own as much as possible. It is hard when our foster kids have severe behavior issues that make it hard for us to function as a family. Seems like many of our placements that have come from meth homes have been that way.

When we talked to our licensing worker we told her that we were aware that we had other children in the home and our intent is to ensure their safety first. We are not in a position to accept children with severe behavior issues no longer. Yes, children as young as 3, 4 and 5 can come with such behavior issues that they should not be around young children Benjamin's age. They can be violent, act out sexually, destroy property, lie, manipulate, and blame others for their actions. They can make false allegations and put your family in harms way. Get them older and they may even call the police and make allegations. Scary isn't it?

Before we had Benjamin we were willing to accept children with many different issues. However, we do now have Benjamin. We have decided that we will no longer take children 3 and older. Our experiences over the last few months have shown us that even 3 and 4 year olds may have behaviors that are not safe for our son to be around. It is really sad that by that age they have already learned some very destructive behaviors.

Sometimes the cost of fostering is not financial. It can be emotional on so many different levels. Yes, there are the kids that you get attached to, the ones that break your heart when they leave. But there can also be the kids that you are relieved when they leave. When their path of destruction is so severe that you wonder if you are even doing the right thing. Then there may even be a level of guilt because you realize that you can't help all the children who come into your home. Because isn't that what you signed up for, to help the children. Then you learn to truth in the statement that love does not heal everything. You learn that, your close friends may have seen that or they may judge you for having a child moved. Acquaintances may judge you as well, it is amazing how many people will line up to judge you. Funny, those aren't the ones who will stand beside you, they stand back and watch for any sign of failure not understanding what all you have gone through. For me my biggest support has been those foster/adoptive parents who have given it their all and know what you are dealing with firsthand.

This has taken me back to why I started my blog in the first place. To educate those who are considering adopting or fostering. Perhaps even to educate those who might want to support someone else who is going through the process. I don't intend to push people away from fostering because we truly need foster parents right now. It is bad out there, so many parents are choosing not to parent. However, you really need to know what you are stepping into so that you are prepared.

When we started our journey most of the blogs I read were the ones where everything was rosy. That was a time when we were going through some of our greatest challenges. I knew we couldn't be alone. Not all of our experiences have been negative, we have seen some fantastic growth in some of our kids and we are heartbroken that others struggle to heal. In the end I guess we have roses with some thorns thrown. Real life.

Moved

First the 4 year old was moved to a therapeutic home and now the 5 year old has been moved to a therapeutic home as well. It was such a frustrating placement. We knew from the very beginning that they had attachment issues as well as other things going on. I messaged their social worker often explaining the issues. Our local DSS got me an appointment with mental health but they were useless. They didn't even give them a proper evaluation. They really needed to have a developmental evaluation. Someone really needed to listen to me! It is so frustrating when they don't listen to me. For that reason we are no longer taking any placements out of our county. The workers in this county seem to have a level of trust in us and our opinions.

After the 4 year old was moved the social worker called me and seemed surprised that the new foster mom was reporting the same behaviors that I had discussed with her for months. It wasn't until an emergency happened that they took action.

I continued to express my concerns with the 5 year old. Well, she finally found the behavior that I couldn't stand, pee. I am not talking about the bedtime peeing, the peeing to smell in bed so I am safe. No, I am talking about the you gave me a consequence so I am going to get back at you and pee on the carpet in my bedroom. She started in the closet then worked her way out. I tried not to let it show how much this bothered me. One night she was mad at me so at bedtime she went up and pulled off her underwear and peed on her bed! It was bedtime so I ignored it. I guess she figured I would clean it up. Well, I didn't, she slept on the corner of her bed. It was at that point that I decided that I had enough and I asked for her to be moved. For a week they kept telling me that they couldn't find a home willing to take her with her behaviors! I am not a therapeutic home. They finally had to move her to a therapeutic home.

She reacted just like her sister, all excited. Her social worker looked at me like seriously kids are normally crying about getting moved. I reiterated her lack of attachment and the severity. I don't even know all the times I asked for help to only be told that she was on a waiting list. We also never heard from the GAL, her advocate. I don't even know who the person is.

I think that this new concept of moving kids all over different counties is good for the children. What good does it do to get a placement if you aren't going to support the child out of county. Both girls are now in their county so I hope that they are getting what they need now. It is going to be a long road with those two, they remind me so much of Emma and Michelle.