Well, it is starting to happen. The behaviors that we have with little man are starting to show up outside of the home. For a long time folks at church thought we were crazy because they never saw his behaviors. They saw his anxiety and challenges with changes but not the biting and such. Since he is now 2 they have been transitioning him to the 2 year old class. It has been a struggle. He would tantrum when they put him with his same age peers so they would take him back to the nursery. Finally, I told them to just have him stay with his peers. He needed to adjust. Well, he did adjust. Now he is comfortable with his class and his behaviors are coming out. This last Sunday he bit a kid and was spitting when he was being defiant. I don't know why, but when he doesn't like what he is being told he spits.
They were shocked. I had told them all of his behaviors but they never surfaced until he was put with his peers. No longer are we crazy! Our church is looking to have a volunteer be with him one on one.
I have been seeing new studies on kids with meth exposure. The problems I have been reading are aggression, anxiety, ADHD and learning delays. YES to all of them! From what I read if they stay in the home then their outcomes are not too good. However, with interventions there is the real possibility that he can overcome his meth exposure. This has been a concern of ours. Benjamin refuses to room with him because he is afraid that he will hurt him in his sleep (he has in the past). He is currently a nomad, sleeping with us and the older boys. Sometimes with Sarah or Larissa too. Actually tonight many of the kids are sleeping in the play room. He has asked me to build him a loft bed that little man can't get into. Hmmmm..... plans are churning.
Right now the interventions we are receiving are Babynet, speech, 12 hours of personal care attendant and OT just qualified him for services based on his testing with sensory issues. His social worker has acknowledged that he would not last in a daycare and if he were moved he would have to go to a therapeutic home. However, in our home he is still a basic kid, I find it a bit odd. For adoptions we need to have all his behaviors well documented in case we need services later.
Since he has decided to expand his behaviors to outside the home, Michelle has done so too. Right now I have two friends who are not very pleased with how she has been disrespecting them. We are looking for therapy but it is a challenge around here.
What do you do with a compulsive, habitual liar? My research hasn't shown much hope unless she wants to change. I have been looking for a report from the social worker about their mother, she lied as well. She lied to the girls as well. She visited once the entire time we had them. On that visit she gave them necklaces and told them to wear them to every visit. I still have those necklaces, sadly they never had another visit with her. Is lying to that extreme genetic? I wonder.
It is hard when your child has behaviors that no one else sees. When they are always telling you how sweet your child is when at home that is not the case. Makes it hard to talk to anyone, makes you feel isolated. I had one mother whisper to me that her son was really giving her a hard time. I told her that I understood. She says that family and friends blame her parenting. She has 5 kids but only one with these behaviors. She feels that she cant talk to her own family because they judge her. She seemed to relieved when I didn't. I find it sad that we are so quick to judge each other because we don't see what they are talking about. Guess what, kids can play you, they can behave differently for different folks and situations. They can triangulate folks and manipulate and lie. If you know someone who confides in you a struggle and you normally trust their judgement, believe them and offer them an ear.
We parents who are raising challenges kids need to support each other. I don't know the answers, wish I did. But I do try and am always open to suggestions. If it something I haven't tried I may try it out!
Getting off my soapbox.
Adoptive mom of three, two with some of the same challenges you face, as well as one biological child. I truly believe that behaviors are passed down genetically. We are farther down the road than you are with our children, they are all adults, but I continue to learn about their challenges. Look up Stephanie Grant on YouTube. She is a child psychologist from Holland MI, serving traumatized children in the school system. I have learned so much from her. The things that are done to our children before birth is horrendous, and the things that affect them are more than we know. The social worker for our first adoption told us if we loved our baby enough it would overcome everything. Including substance abuse prenataly?
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that love will not fix everything. Wish it did, that would make life easier. I have seen how much damage is done to a child before they are even born. It is sad, the choices that their mom made are the children's lifelong challenges. Our littlest one has every single behavior problem that I have seen in articles referring to the impact of meth on babies.
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