tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6980635032314035803.post2108026591842421277..comments2024-02-28T17:35:23.639-06:00Comments on Stare if you must..........: Warning, Vent AheadFeliciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05558893889667088182noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6980635032314035803.post-26416222290355222392014-06-27T23:49:56.396-05:002014-06-27T23:49:56.396-05:00Biggest hugs! I am parenting one who is the boy v...Biggest hugs! I am parenting one who is the boy version of your Michelle. Makes me so sad that even when asked a question that isn't about him, he panics and lies about it. We have learned that if he didn't give the answer that was wanted from his birth parents, they beat him. And he never knew whether the truth or a lie was going to be the answer to make him happy. I just don't know how to make him see that the truth is always the best and while there may be consequences, there will never be a beating. So sad. I am so glad that Heartsmommysstrawberryshortcake shared her strategy for lying. We will definitely give that a try here. Consistency and talking about it and at least 3 other things haven't worked for us in 3 years. Never hurts to try something different! Love your blog, Felicia. Makes me remember that in this world of beautiful kids that are hard to parent, I am not alone.Meliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15217159792011200722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6980635032314035803.post-79367373276939243482014-06-23T00:01:25.049-05:002014-06-23T00:01:25.049-05:00Oh, I have to try the lying number 2 approach. We...Oh, I have to try the lying number 2 approach. We discuss trustworthiness and try to show her the results of that but haven't ever questioned the truth. I need to try that.<br /><br />With Emma it may be harder. When I talk about stealing on the blog it isn't a term we actually use with her when she takes from the kitchen. However, when she goes into someone's private space and takes their stuff then it is stealing. The kitchen isn't where the biggest problem is, it is my desk, John's office, my moms room and Sarah's stash. She goes into personal spaces and takes from everyone. Easter baskets, Christmas stockings and Halloween bags are not safe from her. The kids ask me to protect their stuff and I am not always successful. She eats her stuff and then sneaks from everyone else. At breakfast and lunch she has free access to the kitchen to get what she wants to eat (within reason). Dinner is prepared by either Sarah or I and sometimes the kids take turns helping to prepare a meal. I will have to think about the snack stash. I honestly feel that she would eat it all on the first day and then go right back to taking food. She doesn't hoard the food, she eats it all so she can skip the meals we prepare. It is really a control issue versus a food issue. If I give her a stash then everyone else would want theirs. I could see her taking their stash. Might become a major headache. I will have to give this more thought.<br /><br />Thanks for your comment. I agree that normal parenting no longer applies. That is why I typically go to my online friends who share similar parenting challenges. I am always looking for new ideas to try. Right now I am not searching but periodically I will do searches for new ideas when I feel that I have the emotional strength to do so.<br />Feliciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05558893889667088182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6980635032314035803.post-29095289659130660132014-06-22T07:25:24.634-05:002014-06-22T07:25:24.634-05:00I just started reading your blog. And I can relate... I just started reading your blog. And I can relate...especially to this post, for sure. My 10-yr-old has RAD and I have learned along the way that "normal parenting" doesn't work. At all! So, with the understanding that I don't know all the in and outs of your situation, might I offer a few tactics that might (or might not) work?<br /><br /> For Emma, would it be possible to provide her with snacks that are hers for whenever she wants them? A limited amount, of course, per week, of something that she really desires. Decorate a small shoebox together and one night a week, pick snacks for the week that are just hers and let her "hide" the box wherever she wants. When the snacks are gone, they are gone until the next week. The other thing, if you want her to attach to you and your house, she has to understand that your house is her house and your kitchen is her kitchen. Calling it "stealing" when she takes food from the kitchen implies that she has no rights to the food ever. I'm not saying that she should have 24/7 access to the food, but perhaps you can call it something other than stealing? When my daughter was 7, she didn't get access to the fridge or cupboards, but we had a drawer for snacks and a bowl of fruit on the table that she could have whenever she wanted. When kids have been neglected by the birth parents, they believe that everyone will neglect them and starve them, so they end up with some pretty weird eating habits. I have come to find that those eating habits cannot be changed until they are able to take some ownership over food.<br /><br /> As for Michelle's lying, what we have found to work with our daughter is that we have to show her that lying makes her untrustworthy. The best way for us to do that is by this two step approach: 1.) If we think that she is lying, then we automatically tell her that we don't know if we can believe her and because she has lied so much, we must assume that she isn't telling the truth. 2.) Even when we know that she is telling the truth, but has recently been having lots of trouble with lying, we don't believe her when it is least convenient for her and we believe her when it is least convenient for her. For example, if she said she did all her homework even though we didn't see her open a book, we don't believe her, tell her to "prove it" and when she can't, then there are appropriate consequences. If five minutes later, she mentions that she likes ice cream, we tell her that we can't believe her because she lies, so that might be a lie too. Explaining that lying is bad has never worked for us, but showing her that she misses out because of her lies has worked a little. We still struggle a lot with lies.<br /><br /> I admire all that you are doing to help and love on these kids! It is hard work!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6980635032314035803.post-54969079563641083582014-06-21T17:58:40.181-05:002014-06-21T17:58:40.181-05:00I sat here just nodding my head over and over whil...I sat here just nodding my head over and over while I was reading it. Meghan is just like Michelle. And everything else you described is just like Lexi. It's horribly frustrating! Keep on keeping on. You're doing your best, and you can't do better than that. You're a great mom.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06459566936750786139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6980635032314035803.post-49594674616116374322014-06-21T17:39:23.759-05:002014-06-21T17:39:23.759-05:00Hang in there! And it scares me that Kaleb is nine...Hang in there! And it scares me that Kaleb is nine but still can't tell which feet to put shoes on and asks the craziest questions about obvious things.Kathy Casselhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02886511489428522492noreply@blogger.com